You got it! Fifth clue down!
And here we are. The circle completes! Post Race IV, the largest, most expansive Race as yet conceived on the Exodus. Twenty-two racers joined to match wits against themselves, each other, and the host in what would prove to be the most challenging and difficult race ever. How will it end? Whose name will be carved into the marble of the Post Race Hall of Fame? Only you can tell us, racer! Fly onward! To victory!
The final clue!
In the next stage, what Wonder of the World will you pass?
PM your answer to Biscuit to win!!!
RACE START
LOCATION: PARIS, FRANCE
RACERS: 21[/font]
Welcome, one and all, ladies and gents, larvae and germs, legions and ghouls, to this most esteemed of events! That's right, folks, you've come to the right place, don't touch that dial, because we're just about to kick off the one, the only,
--[[|| POST RACE IV ||]]--
-- You Betta Win, Bedouin --
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DID YOU KNOW?You may be surprised to learn that the Eiffel Tower, erected for the Paris Exhibition of 1889, was only meant to stand for 20 years. As its end neared, designer Gustave Eiffel suggested to the military that it would make an excellent long-range radio tower. Contact was made with bases around Paris in 1903, and the installation of a permanent base in the tower in 1906 ensured its survival. -------------------------------------------
I'm your host, Böse Zwieback, coming to you
live from beautiful Paris, France, at the start of this cross-continental posting rally. We'll be covering each stage of the rally as it happens, with minute-to-minute updates on racers, environments, and standings.
Before we get down to the starting line to meet the competition, though, let's take a look at the course itself, and the challenges it will present to each racer!
The Route
The race is divided up into stages rather than laps this year, an interesting and rather controversial change that has raised many eyebrows but looks to be a welcome addition to future races. Each stage will present a new challenge to the racers, be it posting a certain word, or posting in a different thread, and even some random encounters to surprise our contestants and keep them on their toes and on top of their game. At the end of each stage a racer is eliminated, and with only two wild cards, the best bet for a competitor to stay in the game is to stay in the lead!
1.Paris to Venice – A brief tour of Western Europe starts off our rally.
2. Venice to Tartus – The first of two stages in Syria, an all-out sprint along the Mediterranean coast.
3. Tartus to Damascus – The second stage of Syria, through the ancient streets of Damascus.
4. Damascus to Wadi Musa – The ‘Valley of Moses’ sends our racers deep into the heart of Bedouin territory.
5. Wadi Musa to Yanbu – Those who survive the Valley will muscle for position in the first of two Saudi Arabian port cities.
6. Yanbu to Jeddah – The second Saudi stage, fighting for safe passage across the Red Sea.
7. Jeddah to Gedaref – The only open-water stage, the Jeddah-Gedaref run will pit the racers against a whole host of new challenges. Better grab your scuba gear for this one!
8. Gederaf to Bahir Dar – After drying off in Sudan, the racers get back on track with a breakneck dash into Ethiopia.
9. Bahir Dar to Moyale – If our racers can hold off the rebels and please the crooked guards at the Ethiopia/Kenya border crossing, they’ll come out in the best position.
10. Moyale to Marsabit – This searing desert stage will be a true test of the racers’ wits, sending them over an ‘extinct’ volcano and pitting them against the mysterious sands of the Serengeti.
11. Marsabit to Nairobi – The remaining racers dash to Nairobi to regroup and refuel.
12. Nairobi to Arusha – Though they pass right over Kilimanjaro, there’ll be no time for photos in this daring stage.
13. Arusha to Mbeya – The last Tanzanian stage.
14. Mbeya to Mpika – The racers cross into Zambia for this unpredictable stage.
15. Mpika to Livingstone – Victoria Falls provides a serene backdrop for this otherwise down-and-dirty rush towards Cape Town. The end is in sight for our final five!
16. Livingstone to Rundu – Ru-Town gives way to the Okavango River, and the challenges within.
17. Rundu to Windhoek – It’s down to the wire – who will hold on to win it?
18. Windhoek to Rosh Pinah – Don’t be tempted to lift any blood diamonds from this mining town – the end is near!
19. Rosh Pinah to Clanwilliam – One final challenge awaits our Big Three!
20. Clanwilliam to Cape Town – It’s all out war between the last two racers! Who will come out on top?!
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With that out of the way, let’s go to the starting line and meet our racers!
Tuning up his Mean Green Been Macheen is
Pohatu, starting off in the pole position this year. A local favorite, it seems like all eyes are on him to take the win this year.
Puttering next to Photu is
SHADOWMASTER89 on his Hover Bike. In the name of fairness, race regulations don’t allow for onboard weaponry – but since there are no race regulations, it looks like the other racers are going to have to worry about being in front of him.
Stamping and champing against the chalk is
Niji, riding a Bear riding a horse. Better watch out for glassiers, and be sure to take your vittamins, Neej, or you might end up having to drink your own piss.
Revving his engine and spinning his guns, its
Shrouded Wolf in the Warthog, with Donut and Sarge in tow! Let’s hope we don’t see any Blue Teamers out there, or things could get ugly!
The second horse entry for the Paris-DakkaDakka is
BlackCat, riding the ever-reliable Zebstrika. Don’t get too close to this one, racers – they’re a shocking combination.
What’s that shadow descending over the starting line? Great Goering’s Gravy, it’s
Testbug, in his Orca Mega-Fortress of Darkness! What’s he planning to do with all that?! Nothing good, I can guarantee you, folks! Racers beware!
Purring along nicely is
Tangrow, in his Catmobile. He looks well-prepared, but what about that water stage? We’ll see how Tang gets his kitty out of that sticky situation!
Ringdingdingdingding! Clowning it up with mini-donuts in the dirt is
Ninety, zipping along in the MarioKart! He’ll need more than banana peels and turtle shells to make it through this race, though!
Better keep the diabetics away –
Belle is pulling up in the Cake Car! And what a car it is! Let it never be said that her race was bittersweet.
Hearkening back to Post Races past, it’s
Sapphire Vaporeon riding her ever-trusty steed, the time-traveling rocket cheetah, Wilma Rudolph! And this year, Rudolph’s leading a whole sled team of fiery felines, pulling SV’s mighty chariot along at unmatchable speed! She’ll be a real contender this year, ladies and gentlemen.
Looking for his second Post Race victory is
Bulbs, running in true La-Z-Boy style with an all-terrain wheelchair! He’s the betting favorite by a considerable margin. Can his treads carry him to Win #2?
He’s revving his engine, but all we hear is sobbing and dark poetry. It’s
Sem, laying the hammer down on his Scene Saleen! Let’s hope there’s some real performance under that hood, and it’s not just some young confused Mustang that’s trying too hard.
With every flap of its wings, a cloud of dust obscures our starting line! It’s
Elliot, on the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon! With three – no, four heads, counting El, they’ll have to put their minds together to outsmart their competition! Or, if that doesn’t work, they’ll INCINERATE THEM.
We can hear their cries, even in the nosebleeds.
Lee seems to have his own strategy for the Rally, riding his bike with a box of frightened children bolted to the back. What on earth are you planning, Tupper?
Choobs is a strong favorite to win, and it’s not just because of his good looks. Not only is he donating all his race winnings to charity, plus most of his household income and prized possessions – he’s running this race ON FOOT. What a guy!
I get the creeps just looking at
Iron Mouse’s Spider Car. It gets points both for agility AND for looking plain terrifying.
Yet another veteran Post Racer returns as
Kuroboom brings back his trusty steed Edgar, along with a new friend, the Iron Giant! Will that great bucket of bolts be able to carry them safely to victory? Or will he wind up threatening all life as we know it and commit a second suicide?!
Next up is
pokemaniactim, riding the ever-reliable Yoshi! If it worked for Mario, it must be good enough for Post Race!
Rounding out the tail end of our race team is
Fleetwolf, and in keeping with the tradition of riding things riding things, Fleet’s chosen a tiger riding a horse! Provided her ride doesn’t eat itself alive between now and the end of the race, she might just be on to something here!
Floating along solemnly to the wavering neo-digital strains of Daft Punk is
Dark Soul, flying a Tron Recognizer! Will he be able to de-rez the competition and take a win for the ISOs?
And last but not least, it’s
Toru, checking the freshness of all racers in the Quality Van! Let’s just hope he doesn’t have his own expiration date!
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The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and it’s a beautiful day to Post Race! Let’s go to the line as the racers prepare for the start!