Post by The Evil Biscuit on Mar 30, 2011 21:05:57 GMT -5
Dear ________________,
If you are reading this, congratulations! Consider this your formal invitation to participate in the single greatest race this world has ever seen! That's right, you've been selected to compete in the one, the only,
Like all the Rallies before, this race is the pinnacle of speed, stamina, and endurance. Racers from all corners of the earth depart from Paris, France, and travel south, through Spain, across the Mediterranean, and the full length of the African continent to the finish line at Cape Town. The winner joins the narrow and esteemed ranks of Rally Champions, to stand eternally victorious as one of the greatest racers of all time.
He also wins a fucking boatload of cash.
Oh. Got your attention, have I?
Good. Let's get down to brass tacks. This ain't your daddy's Rally. This ain't Dakar. Dakar's in South America. Dakar's for pussies. DakkaDakka doesn't afraid of terrorists. Double-D doesn't afraid of anything. We go hard, all day. Overblown engines. Flat tires. Snakebites. Lions. Other shit. FLIGHT.
I know what you're thinking, Cole Trickle. You're thinking, 'Hell to the yeah, this race is the race for me!' Well think again, dicksneeze. This race isn't for you. This race isn't for anybody. This is six thousand miles of suicidal actions, death wishes, and more than one Sandworm. Yeah, you heard me. Better get your fuckin' flow on, because we're about to lay some supernatural shit upon your jabroni ass.
The Rock is in no way affiliated with PDDR. But PDDR can still smell what he's cookin'.
Look. We're gonna be up front with you. Don't join this race. Don't show up. Don't call. Crumple this paper up and throw it in the burner, because you can't handle this. We don't want you to. No one should race this track. You've got so much to live for, and we don't want to take that away from you by scattering your innies and outies all over the lower Congo. You don't need to prove anything to us.
However, if you DO decide you need to show the world what atotal fucking idiot straight baller you are, then responder si vous fucking plait to this letter with your $10,000 registration fee and an image of whatever deathtrap you plan on confettitizing over the Serengeti with.
And don't say we didn't warn you.
Best regards! And good luck!
-Böse Zwieback, President, Nigerian Prince Strategies Inc.
_________________________
CHUMPS CONTESTANTS
1. Pohatu in the Been Macheen.
2. SHADOWMASTER89 on the Hover Bike.
3. Niji riding a Bear riding a Horse.
4. Shrouded Wolf in the Warthog withthe less faggy Red Team Donut and Sarge.
5. BlackCat on Lion Food.
6. Testbug, in Chicken of the Sea.
7. Tangrow in the Pussy Wagon.
8. Ninety in the MarioKart.
9. Belle in the Cake Car.
10. SV with RRRRAAAWWWWKKKEETTTTCCCHHEEEETTTTTAAAAAAAHHHH.
11. Bulbs in Mecha-Hawking.
12. Sem in the Scene Saleen.
13. Elliot on this bad motherfucker.
14. Lee in the thing I can't even make up a joke for.
15. Choobs, on foot.
16. Iron Mouse in the OH GOD RUN RUNNNN
17. Kuro with Edgar on HOOOGGAARRTTTHHH.
18. Pokemaniactim on Yoshi.
19. Fleetwolf on ok seriously what is it with you dudes and riding things riding things
20. Dark Soul, riding this thing.
21. Toru, driving the Quality Van.
PDDR has made $215,000 profiting off the suffering of suckers to date.
If you are reading this, congratulations! Consider this your formal invitation to participate in the single greatest race this world has ever seen! That's right, you've been selected to compete in the one, the only,
PARIS - DAKKADAKKA RALLY
Like all the Rallies before, this race is the pinnacle of speed, stamina, and endurance. Racers from all corners of the earth depart from Paris, France, and travel south, through Spain, across the Mediterranean, and the full length of the African continent to the finish line at Cape Town. The winner joins the narrow and esteemed ranks of Rally Champions, to stand eternally victorious as one of the greatest racers of all time.
He also wins a fucking boatload of cash.
Oh. Got your attention, have I?
Good. Let's get down to brass tacks. This ain't your daddy's Rally. This ain't Dakar. Dakar's in South America. Dakar's for pussies. DakkaDakka doesn't afraid of terrorists. Double-D doesn't afraid of anything. We go hard, all day. Overblown engines. Flat tires. Snakebites. Lions. Other shit. FLIGHT.
I know what you're thinking, Cole Trickle. You're thinking, 'Hell to the yeah, this race is the race for me!' Well think again, dicksneeze. This race isn't for you. This race isn't for anybody. This is six thousand miles of suicidal actions, death wishes, and more than one Sandworm. Yeah, you heard me. Better get your fuckin' flow on, because we're about to lay some supernatural shit upon your jabroni ass.
The Rock is in no way affiliated with PDDR. But PDDR can still smell what he's cookin'.
Look. We're gonna be up front with you. Don't join this race. Don't show up. Don't call. Crumple this paper up and throw it in the burner, because you can't handle this. We don't want you to. No one should race this track. You've got so much to live for, and we don't want to take that away from you by scattering your innies and outies all over the lower Congo. You don't need to prove anything to us.
However, if you DO decide you need to show the world what a
And don't say we didn't warn you.
Best regards! And good luck!
-Böse Zwieback, President, Nigerian Prince Strategies Inc.
_________________________
1. Pohatu in the Been Macheen.
2. SHADOWMASTER89 on the Hover Bike.
3. Niji riding a Bear riding a Horse.
4. Shrouded Wolf in the Warthog with
5. BlackCat on Lion Food.
6. Testbug, in Chicken of the Sea.
7. Tangrow in the Pussy Wagon.
8. Ninety in the MarioKart.
9. Belle in the Cake Car.
10. SV with RRRRAAAWWWWKKKEETTTTCCCHHEEEETTTTTAAAAAAAHHHH.
11. Bulbs in Mecha-Hawking.
12. Sem in the Scene Saleen.
13. Elliot on this bad motherfucker.
14. Lee in the thing I can't even make up a joke for.
15. Choobs, on foot.
16. Iron Mouse in the OH GOD RUN RUNNNN
17. Kuro with Edgar on HOOOGGAARRTTTHHH.
18. Pokemaniactim on Yoshi.
19. Fleetwolf on ok seriously what is it with you dudes and riding things riding things
20. Dark Soul, riding this thing.
21. Toru, driving the Quality Van.
PDDR has made $215,000 profiting off the suffering of suckers to date.