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Post by Tout-Perd on Nov 18, 2010 0:01:35 GMT -5
Do you think that maybe you're putting way too much stock in "I have to find somebody!"
Don't think this is the prude in me talking. This is the "If you jump straight to sex, or even straight to a relationship, you're making it harder to put actual value on a relationship."
Also, don't think anybody has ever "cheated on you worse". If somebody's done anything beyond bearing a fleeting temptation that doesn't actually manifest as action, that's cheating and it's wrong. If somebody cheats, they're saying "I don't want a relationship with you." Period. There's no degrees. If you cheat or plan on a date or such outside a relationship, don't think for a MOMENT that the guy will consider you worth holding onto.
So I think what is happening is a combination of poor choice in men, and your actions undervaluing the relationships you get into. (Let's put it this way: If you're putting out at all without several dates, all guys in the school will know this. You might think otherwise, but it's pretty much on a Twitter feed to every male brain under the age of thirty. You'll be unable to find the "Good Guys" who won't trust you, while the sleazebags that want a hookup will be after you. And if you're a known cheater, nobody will trust you enough to commit to a relationship. Yet again, a fact that all guys will pick up on.)
So, all in all, time for some image control, if you ever want to get a decent guy. Don't do one night stands or friends with benefits. Have a frig if you absolutely can not control your "female hysteria", but keep your pants on. If you're not a prize worth fighting for, you're not a prize worth holding onto. And if you do have a prospect, a guy who is actually worthwhile, DON'T be casting lines every which way. Be forthright with him if he's not biting, and if he turns you down, then start looking again.
If you go into things with an attitude of "This relationship will fail, so I may as well look for the next one", guess what? You will fail, and you'll need to look for the next one.
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Post by Ninety on Nov 18, 2010 0:36:57 GMT -5
What is a frig and where can I find one to control my female hysteria.
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Post by Loogs on Nov 18, 2010 2:51:59 GMT -5
lmao
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Nov 18, 2010 3:14:06 GMT -5
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Post by Bub@ on Nov 18, 2010 10:00:21 GMT -5
Do you think that maybe you're putting way too much stock in "I have to find somebody!" Don't think this is the prude in me talking. This is the "If you jump straight to sex, or even straight to a relationship, you're making it harder to put actual value on a relationship." While I completely disagree with not having a friends with benefits (goddammit Lee, we guys have it hard finding one as it is!), I agree with Lee on this. Every relationship you start must be better than your previous one. Which means, giving it your 110%, and expecting the best you can out of it. If you don't feel the need or motivation to do this, it means the guy/girl you picked is probably not worth it. Don't even start something with someone if they're not worth it, it's a waste of time and you'll only end up getting hurt. As for the friends with benefits thing, it's something you should approach with the utmost of caution. For instance, I find that it's an absolute necessity to have sex with only people you can absolutely trust - whether you love them or not. That means, knowing those guys won't be telling anyone about your heavenly exchange of bodily fluids. Reserve sex for only the bestest of friends, and do not, for your own sake, make it such a casual thing. lee, this is guilford college, even the good guys do their fair share of hooking up. it's normal and as long as you don't take it too far and sleep with anyone who asks you're fine. Fuck Guilford College. Or any other college or society group for that matter. You should not live up to anyone's standards but your own. It does not make it "right" or "okay" because everyone's doing it. Be careful with this mindset, as it will only get you in trouble.
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Post by Loogs on Nov 18, 2010 12:21:49 GMT -5
lolwut
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Post by Yoshimitsu on Nov 18, 2010 12:28:57 GMT -5
It's not usually acceptable in the social group, I've found. You get people like my flat mate calling you a slag to all their friends.
(I'm not the slag in this instance, I'm the heathen)
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Post by ch00beh on Nov 18, 2010 12:53:25 GMT -5
No, no, you still get called a hoslut if you sleep around.
College is not like the movies at all.
I mean, even these european boys here call some of the girls skanks, and i'm at a european college.
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Post by Loogs on Nov 18, 2010 13:54:44 GMT -5
I am super glad I cut back then. :C
wait a second I really don't give a shit actually fuck this shit I can be a libertine if I want to. there's one thing, if having a boyfriend means I have to change who I am then fuck that. not as in I don't want to stop sleeping around when I'm with him, but more like "I am a complete kook and if you don't like that go find some boring bitch."
fuck the double standard, seriously. single people should be able to sleep with whomever they want to without all that stigma. I think as long as you have standards, you shouldn't be called a slut. or shit, do it anyway and be confident about it, then at least you're a confident slut D:
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Post by Bub@ on Nov 18, 2010 14:24:04 GMT -5
If you didn't give a fuck what people thought, then you wouldn't have cut back. If you're going to do it, then stick with it and accept the (unfortunate) tagging that comes along with being that way. If you can't take it and don't want to be labeled, then don't. You can't have both though.
You don't need to change "who you are". You can stay just the way you are, but be ready to accept the harsh consequences that being like that bring. There's no way around it.
We can't change double standards as much as they suck. If it helps, I also see guys who sleep with a bunch of women as sluts as well. It's not important how people see it anyway, right?
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Post by Loogs on Nov 18, 2010 14:29:04 GMT -5
um actually I cut back because hook-ups are actually pretty boring after a while and also I want to lower my chances of catching something nasty. the not-being-called-a-slut thing was just a nice bonus.
seriously, my entire life has been nothing but being labeled as weird and other bad adjectives, I learned long ago how to just not care much about it :/
I guess to me it doesn't quite matter how many people you've slept with so much as whether or not you treat every last one of those people with respect (which is also why I cut back, too many guys just don't want to do that so they just aren't worth my time if I'm not worth theirs.)
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Post by ch00beh on Nov 18, 2010 14:58:34 GMT -5
i changed the way people thought about me by being more insulting.
i went from "that quiet kid that everyone forgets about" to "that asshole who occasionally buys us cookies so we still like him"
it was a good change and not very hard to pull off.
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Post by Kuroboom on Nov 18, 2010 21:52:43 GMT -5
Snark is good sometimes, depending on how you do it. It makes the difference between "HOLY SHIT! That hedgehog is adorable so it's worth getting stabbed in the hands to pet him" and "HOLY SHIT! Someone kill me! That skunk just blasted me in the face!"
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SV
Friendliest Member of ALL TIME
The Friendliest Member Of ALL TIME
Posts: 2,250
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Post by SV on Nov 21, 2010 4:49:20 GMT -5
@ Lee way back up the page: Yes. All of that. Yes.
@ choobs: imo, being an asshole isn't a good change at all. But I suspect that my opinion might be swayed via cookies.
Also, yeah, college is not like the movies at all. Accounts of hook-ups are wildly exaggerated. In my experience, it's a whole lot more like high school, just with fewer people who care all that much.
But uh. I stand by my previous suggestion of just laying off the men for a while. Take some time to work on yourself and just, like, enjoy your own company. Keep in mind that guys will either (A.) be serious about relationships and thus off-put by your advances and such, or (B.) unwilling to commit if they can skip to the fun stuff with minimal effort. I'm not sure there's a lot of gray area. I also might be generalizing a bit. But quite possibly not.
Anyway, I'm probably borderline coherent right now and definitely not as eloquent as Lee up there.
Go read that again. Lee knows what's up.
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Post by Loogs on Nov 22, 2010 0:56:27 GMT -5
yep, Dan won't see me anymore because he's a pathetic bitch who prefers to be in an abusive relationship.
man, fuck this shit, I don't want a relationship, I have no idea why I delude myself every time into thinking someone is actually going to genuinely care about me. fuck that shit, see if I ever do that again, what the fuck do I even need anyone for. fuck that. fuck people, fuck men, I'm done with relationships forever. Jesus Christ I can't even kiss or touch anyone anymore because I feel so uncomfortable doing it.
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Nov 22, 2010 1:07:54 GMT -5
Care to elaborate a bit further on this revelation?
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Post by Loogs on Nov 22, 2010 1:14:21 GMT -5
I'm done with this shit, as in, I am done with being played for a fool and thinking that someone is actually going to care about me like that, I am done.
next time a guy tells me I'm special I'll tell him to shove it.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Nov 22, 2010 1:16:59 GMT -5
I think Blood was more asking for elaboration on how you came to this conclusion; that is, circumstances with what's his face.
I'm also curious about that.
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Post by Loogs on Nov 22, 2010 1:20:50 GMT -5
I mean, there isn't much else to explain. He decided I just wasn't worth seeing again so he said he can't see me anymore and he only used me for sex and revenge on his girlfriend.
so, yeah I'm done. I'll leave relationships to everyone else, but it's just not for me.
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Nov 22, 2010 2:27:37 GMT -5
You seem to have a lot of problems stem from having sex. Perhaps you could try abstaining from having sex?
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Post by ch00beh on Nov 22, 2010 3:14:48 GMT -5
now that you have given up, you're going to meet the best guy of your life
this is how it always works.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Nov 22, 2010 9:23:43 GMT -5
But DON'T THINK OF IT THAT WAY!!
Just know that that's true.
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Post by Yoshimitsu on Nov 22, 2010 9:40:56 GMT -5
Pretty sure that's what got you into this situation in the first place
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Post by Loogs on Nov 22, 2010 9:44:37 GMT -5
no you guys don't get it.
I don't want to date.
ever.
seriously.
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Post by Yoshimitsu on Nov 22, 2010 9:47:51 GMT -5
Don't date then! I don't date boys, but I still get into perfectly happy relationships.
Though with my current boyfriend, we did date for a while and it was lovely.
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Post by Loogs on Nov 22, 2010 9:50:18 GMT -5
hah. nah. relationships aren't for me either. fuck that shit, I'd rather die than let some guy think he's got the best of me.
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