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Post by Beelzebibble on Jan 3, 2012 2:51:05 GMT -5
======>No, the Droll didn't say that. That one you're quite sure you made up. It was your own first impression at the time. Still remains your interpretation, in fact. Given the abundance of evidence that would later turn up in favor of this reading, you're willing to sacrifice humility and give yourself full marks for it. But once memory begins muddling itself up with private analysis, you can tell it's time to ring down the curtain. You can't very well waste your attention on hashing out old scenarios, trying to recall whether this thing or that was actually said. Especially not when the "this thing" and the "that" pertain to a topic you'd be much happier abandoning, such as the subject of the Martial Envoy and his fateful curiosity about the happenings on Derse. Show's over. Back to reality. And the dreary concerns of a lone soul in a post-apocalyptic alien world. You might even follow some suggestions again, if any good ones were to come out of the woodwork.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jun 30, 2012 23:06:20 GMT -5
> DD: What the hell is the thing you're in called anyway it looks hideousHideous? What's hideous is the inexcusable tastelessness of whoever wrote this. Took a while for you to figure out the shape of this place, yourself. The damn thing's so big you had to hike a good ten minutes out into the wastes just to get a proper look at it. But when you did... you were struck with the most radiant vision of beauty to light up this whole repulsive hell-rock. Those full, pouting lips! Those mysterious and alluring eyes. Granted, in regards to the figure, she isn't exactly the comeliest dame ever to cross your path, but in surroundings like these a man learns to take what he can get. My lord. You're getting a little hot under the collar just thinking about her. Once the sandstorm blows over, you don't suppose it'd hurt to just take another little saunter down to your favorite rock and have another look at her. It's been... what, three hours already? Four? Any sultry Sheba like that one deserves her fair share of attention. Neglect is the pettiest kind of cruelty, reserved for only the weakest of men to inflict. And a cruel man you may be, but a weak man you are not.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:31:11 GMT -5
> DD: Peep in on another kid's current happenings.Well, there are worse ways to spend eternity. You're not so fond of that word choice, though, "peeping in". Quite beside coming off as pat and cloying, it implies a level of interest which only the most sparklingly optimistic would dare to presume. You prefer to consider it as "sparing a glance", the way one of those Prospitian upstarts might have spared a boonshilling for a homeless waif on the piss-colored brick if she grovelled. You wouldn't know anything about that, though. On Derse, being homeless was a crime punishable by death. Her Majesty established that law as a tradeoff in exchange for revoking the death penalty on an assortment of other crimes, whose punishments were thereafter softened to mere seizure of house and property. Boy. All this reminiscing would almost be enough to dredge up a sentimental sigh out of you if only you didn't hold sentiment to be the tawdry facsimile of an already mostly-worthless concept called emotion. Still, you might as well own up to this: you really do miss Derse. In retrospect you don't mind expressing a bit more sympathy for the cowed masses, wilting away in falsely grateful acquiescence to her Majesty's cult of personality. Of course any fool can chalk this up to one single and precise reason, without which you'd have just as much contempt for the snivelling lot of them as you always did. You're no altruist. But toward the end, there, you certainly learned what it meant to put your loyalty to the Queen before your own feelings. Damn it, that wasn't right. You meant your own interests. Interests. Look, we're getting off-subject. The point is, you'd slit a torso open just now to be back in your office on Derse, instead of slowly baking to death inside a gorgeous yet stifling tin can. But all you can do is wait for this bunch of pikers, broads, and three-letter men to get far enough along in their session that you can see Derse again. Even though, at the same time, you know that nothing you'll observe of Derse on these screens is going to offer much comfort to you. Will you care to watch everything play out all over, once the time comes? You suppose we'll just have to shatter that bridge with tendrils of blood-red plasma when we get to it. In the meantime, let's get down to brass tacks. You've hit upon an idea that should pass a few moments in, well, something that has at least heard of entertainment. You will carefully evaluate each player, recalling what you know of their actions in the Incipisphere, and assign them ratings on a scale which you arbitrarily set as -2 to 5. For consistency's sake, since there are a lot of humans to go through, you'd better delineate the rating system very plainly upfront. -2: No single word encapsulates the abhorrence you hold for this human. If such a word existed, its correct pronunciation would necessarily include committing an act of small-scale genocide. Absolutely impeccable usage would require that the human in question should feature more than once as a victim in the slaughter. -1: Merely contemplating this human is a challenge to your proclivity for icy loathing as subtemperate and remote as the Furthest Ring. That is to say, the thought of this human threatens to turn your hatred red-hot and send you on a Noir-like stabbing spree. You will struggle to retain your composure, but success is not guaranteed. 0: If you could empirically rank all entities, objects, locations, and abstract concepts according to how pointless and detestable they are, this human would place somewhere in between the Prospitian compulsion to stroke one's own ego through virtuous deeds & an opera-singing jug filled with pink polka-dot sputum. 1: Every word that issues from this human's puffy, unsightly human lips is a fresh exercise in torment for decent-thinking individuals such as yourself. It is because of humans like this one that you simultaneously treasure the command terminal's MUTE button and curse its lack of a point-and-click FILL THROAT WITH SCORPIONS feature. 2: You have to admit that it's possible you just don't know this human well enough to really accrue the kind of hatred you have come to associate with their kind. Distracted by his or her superficial flaws and vices, you haven't yet had a chance to dig deep and find out what makes this human truly abominable. If you weren't so preoccupied by despising some of the other ones, things might be different; but as it stands, this human will have to remain on the back burner of your hate. The back burner of your cold, icy, frosty hate. 3: In fairness to this human, he or she would probably make a great corpse. 4: If someone put a gun to your head and told you to admit that this human is pretty much okay, you might actually indulge him and say it instead of offering your assailant a cigarette to buy time while you casually scope out which pair of his ribs would be easiest to splinter with your spear. You guess what you're saying is that at the end of the day this human manages not to be completely horrible, in spite of everything that happened during their session. If you ever encountered this human again, you're sure that you would forgive them. Whether before or after spitting their heart, yanking it out of their chest, and bludgeoning them to the ground with it, you're not so sure. Again: it really doesn't pay to plan these things ahead too carefully. 5: None of them are going to get a 5. (Click on screens above to view ratings.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:33:49 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the jealous one.You’re pretty sure you’ve already said more than enough about this one. He’s a deluded, petty moron whose arrogance completely folds in on itself at the first resistance. He has zero control of his emotions and makes a fool out of himself in pretty much every conversation he carries on. The shallow one obviously isn’t into him, but he can’t let it go the way any decent gentleman would. Speaking of memos he never received, you’d think the fact that he’s the laughingstock of the team would have dawned on him a little sooner. You’re certainly looking forward to the moment of truth. If the damn tracking interface worked at all, you’d loop it for days. And for all his claptrap about being the team leader and “playing the hell out of the game”, he might as well have put on a collar and muzzle when the game decided to start playing him. You bet he secretly got a real kick out of what he did to those other sessions. You bet that made him feel like a big man. Too bad all that posturing got him about as close to wriggling the shallow one out of her panties as it did the senile one. Probably less close, actually, now that you think of it. -2 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:35:41 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the blotto one.What’s to say? He gets drunk and strifes a lot, and… yeah, that’s it. Just one massively inconsequential oxygen-waster from the start of the game to the finish. Seriously, who cares. You’ve got better fish to fry. By which you mean kids to hate. -1 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:37:52 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the senile one.Oh, Lord. You don’t… even… really, know if you want to deal with her. On the other hand you’re feeling bad about having copped out with the ratings of the boring one and the blotto one. But, seriously, you might just not have the strength of will to tackle this behemoth. You doubt anyone in the Medium was prepared for the fiasco surrounding the old crone. All you can say is that there’s a reason why Sburb players are supposed to be the youth of their species. God damn it. You’re getting a headache again just thinking about it. Why did she, of all players, have to be assigned to Derse? Let it go. The hag is and was terrible. That’s really all there is to say on the matter. -1 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:39:25 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the boring one.No. 0 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:41:00 GMT -5
> Rate the wishy-washy one.That would be a waste of time. Really, you can’t imagine a better fit between a planet and a player than between Occlum and the wishy-washy one. Both quite pointless, thoroughly bereft of potency, and large enough to possess their own moons. It took about twenty seconds for you to get sick of watching this stammering tub of lard lolling around with his toybox. Apparently he dubbed the panda a “general”; this doesn’t surprise you. Inarticulate thumb-sucking ninnies like that one are always just begging for somebody to order them around. You’re familiar with the type. Not naming any names but you think we all know whom you’re talking about. Ironic that this one ended up as the Rage player. One of those little Sburban jokes. Somewhere in the archives of Occlum there probably existed a record of a Rage player who seized upon and embodied their aspect from the start instead of wobbling around spinelessly for half the game first. Now there’s a session you might have actually liked to see. 0 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:43:57 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the spastic one.You have no idea why this one keeps writhing around on the ground like a dying fish and clutching his head in anguish like a dying fish who is listening to Pros-pop, but based on his behavior in the Medium so far, you’d hazard a guess that this is how his body reacts whenever his brain attempts to put together a coherent thought. A higher-evolved organism might have stopped short of alchemizing a face fixture in the shape of a supremely tacky translucent star, but you can sense that even among humans this Time player is a rare specimen. Probably the star mask serves to insure against gouging his eye out with a thumb every time he picks his nose. You don’t find it remotely surprising that he gets along so well with the equally mindless cutesy one. And, in retrospect, it’s no more of a shock to you that the humans’ session got filled to the chin with clones of this player barging in from alternate timelines. He must have found it much easier to decide which leg should go into the pants first in the morning once he could put it to a committee vote. -2 / 5(Pros-pop = Prospitian pop music. No, you’re not sure why you felt the need to privately explain that.) (Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:45:39 GMT -5
> DD: Make special mention of how enamored you are with the girl with the horn on her head Just rate the god damned cutesy one.You seriously cannot believe you’re doing this right now. This was a terrible idea. *sigh*The cutesy one is probably the worst in the entire bunch. Her understanding of rudimentary class and decorum can best be likened to a berserk giclops’ understanding of rudimentary jazz. In place of a personality, she has sugar, and in place of a brain she has artificial sweetener. This recording of her hurtling around the house in an airheaded flurry of cheap props and stupid animals is quite likely the loudest thing left on this dead rock, and definitely tied for the most nauseating, along with getting a mouthful of sand in a storm outside. She also had the worst planet in the Medium. If it didn’t run contrary to the game’s edict, you would have put in a word with her Majesty to consider destroying the cutesy one’s planet right from the outset, or at least reducing it to a blazing ruin. That might have spared certain parties a harmful measure of false hope. Maybe it could even have saved…? No, you’re not hashing that out again. Let’s cut to the chase. -2 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:47:29 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the rambling one.Encyclopedia Green over here sure knew how to put a pair of words together, which is kind of like saying that whoever designed the Battlefield knew how to put a black and a white tile together. Also like the Battlefield, if you were to dig just a little beneath the surface of this human’s torrential tirade, the whole thing would come flying apart. You suppose it ought to come as a relief to see that one of the humans actually had some semblance of an idea what he was doing from square one. But any goodwill the poindexter might have gleaned from this advantage was squandered by his decision to tell everyone, everywhere, his ideas of what he was doing, at excrutiating length, all the time. You’d drop him a line and tell him to cool it with the exposition, but you are honestly a little afraid that he’d figure out a way to talk back. The last goddamn thing you need on this slow and solitary march toward the end of time is the disembodied voice of an uptight know-it-all for company. He subjected you to enough of his self-righteous jabber face-to-face. -2 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:49:18 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the grungy one.You don’t mind admitting that you are at least vaguely interested in discovering what the deal is with this indolent layabout. So far, the other humans seem to have no idea he exists. The jealous one keeps blathering on about eleven players and how that’s the perfect size for a team, but once the game got underway they numbered twelve. Although you did hear rumors that one of the four dreamers’ towers on Occlum went unoccupied for a stretch before the circle of players was completed. Not your area of expertise, though. At the time, it was none of your business what happened over in the green city. Her Majesty hadn’t yet made Occlum your prime concern. Anyway, this human has barely done anything at all in the recording yet, which is a trait you can certainly commend, considering the parade of clowns he’s up against. He gets a pass. 2 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:51:10 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the weird one.You’d rate the weird one lower, but that spiffy getup with the bowler hat made her strangely hard to despise. If that were her permanent attire, you could easily see her landing a 3.5, 3.75… hell, maybe even a coveted 3.924. As it is, she’s been spending a worrisome length of time pondering vastly inferior chapeaux. You reluctantly concede the possibility that her stroke of good fashion was a mere fluke, a statistical inevitability among so many hats, and no indicator of refined taste on her part. Don’t take this for a compliment, because it’s not, but there are all kinds of intriguing and highly specific details you could recall involving this human’s complex role within their session. In fact you could spend hours recollecting every single contribution of hers to the campaign, each more distinctive and influential than the last. However, you don’t feel like it. So you don’t do that. 3 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:52:58 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the pampered one.Oh, this one’s your favorite! You will always cherish the memory of killing him. 3 / 5(Back.)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Dec 12, 2012 20:58:05 GMT -5
> DD: Rate the shallow one.i46.tinypic.com/34j6rvd.jpg [/IMG] Human standards of attractiveness have always baffled you – the bizarre flesh tones you can keep an open mind about, but all that bestial hair is just sickening – so you’re mostly at a loss to see any of the appeal that used to have half the male humans falling all over this one. What you can say with certainty is that her human attractiveness was less the result of natural, graceful beauty than the product of an ungodly amount of time primping herself in front of the mirror and making shallow cosmetic adjustments to no purpose whatsoever. Seeing now her behavior before entering the Medium, you’re almost ashamed to know that she wound up as a Dersite. “Edgy” gun violence and a bunch of backflips are no substitute for the kind of introspection, reserve and cunning that you expect of an ideal Derse dreamer. Of course, for a human to actually meet your expectations of an ideal Derse dreamer would be a miracle far and beyond what could be worked by any of the fake toga-clad Earth idols the shallow one worships. You would have rated her lower if you hadn’t accidentally figured out how to adjust the saturation on the displays, at which point the shallow one’s charms became marginally more apparent. -1 / 5(Back.)
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