A young man stands in his bedroom. Today is not his birthday. Actually it isn't even a major holiday of any kind. But it's a pretty damn special day even so! Unless the country's postal system collapsed overnight.
Wow, that would suck so bad. You wouldn't even get to read the paper.
Oh yeah, what's your name?
Last Edit: Sept 5, 2010 16:29:20 GMT -5 by Molebolge
Your name is FLYNN SOSTENUTO. As was previously mentioned it is NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. Your chumhandle is forteHolder. You're all about that chumhandle and it is all about you! Because that chumhandle conceals not just one, not two, not even three, but four meanings which are relevant to you. Score one for Flynn. WORDPLAY, man. It's the diversion of the gods. You love it so. In fact, you're an avid enthusiast and student of LINGUISTICS in general, which believe it or not is not all about making bad puns!
You're a pretty good ACTOR too, what with that natural CHARISMA that just OOZES FROM YOUR EVERY ORIFICE. You have a passion for literature and movies of a CRIME/NOIR bent. Your musical tastes range toward EVERYTHING BLACK PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST CENTURY UP TO BUT EXCLUDING MODERN RAP. So, jazz, R&B, soul, funk, early hip-hop... yeah. You can bang out some pretty WHATNASTY JAMS on the piano when you so choose. Not even jazz jams, though. CLASSICAL JAMS. The exciting stuff, not the boring stuff. Oh, and you can also FENCE like nobody's business.
Wow, you sure do have a lot of skills... no... wait for it... you possess a lot of talents... no... get ready... you surely do hold a lot of fortes.
Fuck yeah. One out of four.
But there's one more forte I haven't even mentioned. You are also really, really good at WRITING. No, I'm serious. You're the bomb. Check this out. There was a FICTION & POETRY COMPETITION on your FAVORITE MESSAGE BOARD, and you were voted the AUDIENCE FAVORITE! Yeah!!!!!!!! They love your stuff. That's because what you write on that message board is SHEER BRILLIANCE. ABSOLUTE, UNDILUTED HEAVENLY INSPIRATION MADE MANIFEST. It's so fantastic that you can't even think about it any more for the moment because your BRAIN will explode. But maybe you'll log on and check out a sample a little later. When you've had some time to recuperate.
Whoo boy. Catch your breath.
So you and the ten other winners, whom the judges all picked for REALLY LAME CATEGORIES like "Best Protagonist," I mean what the fuck, whatever, were they the audience favorite I don't think so, all got shipped advance copies of THE NEW HOT GAME THAT EVERYONE'S BUZZING ABOUT THESE DAYS. You're going to somehow bring yourself to work in tandem with those losers as part of an ELEVEN-PLAYER GAME. Eleven is totally the perfect number of players for any game. It is an absolutely fantastic number and there is no reason why you would want it to be twelve instead. Wow that's really dumb and why did you even mention that. Were there twelve contest winners? There were not. Oh my god try to keep up.
> Flynn: Grab that lance and begin jousting, MAH BOI!
Well okay, it's not a lance, but you grab it anyway and brandish your deadly armament.
It's a FOIL, one of your DUELLING SWORDS. You admire its form: from the tip to the middle (the debole), from the middle to the hilt (the forte; oh snap), all the way down to the hilt itself. You are, of course, extensively trained in all three major fencing styles. The FOIL is kind of the Gryffindor House of fencing -- the most accessible, the one everyone thinks of, the most classically romanticized one. Then there's the EPEE, which is kind of like Ravenclaw, all calm and ponderous and calculating, and finally there's the SABRE, which is basically Slytherin, swift and brutal and offense-heavy.
Didn't Pigfarts have four houses? What the hell was the other one?
Never mind, forget it. You allocate the FOIL to your STRIFE SPECIBUS under the heading of rapierKind. It goes without saying that should any rapscallion come traipsing through here looking for a stern prodding, the gentleman to deliver that stern prodding is you.
> Flynn: Try to Pesterchum [sic] one of your "proper" friends, get a PITA instead.
Oh man. You'd love some pita bread. That'd be so good for you right now. So delicious. For you. Right now.
But whatever you just log onto Pesterchum instead, using your handy-dandy PORTABLE NETWORKING DEVICE which will let you pester chums from all over the map, and is so convenient that we'll never even need to mention its existence from here on out. Oh look. There's one of your friends. He is very proper indeed.
-- forteHolder [FH] began pestering wartimeStrategist [WS] --
FH: /hɛɪ brofɛɪs wʌt iz ʌppppp/ FH: /haʊ ju bin/ WS: Um. FH: Just kidding. FH: Who would even use such a contrived typing quirk I mean seriously! WS: Oh. WS: Not much, I suppose. WS: I just lost another game of chess against myself. WS: How's that game of Risk you've been playing on Single-Player working out? FH: It’s going great, you know, conquering the world, sinking battleships, drawing community chest cards, doing it in the kitchen with a lead pipe… FH: Okay I actually have no idea how to play Risk, sorry. WS: Which is all good. I meant to say playing a game of risk, but that damned shift key got all high-and-mighty on me. WS: I was really referring to the fencing that you enjoy doing. I'm impressed that you haven't hacked a limb off or impaled yourself yet. FH: Why yes, I’m pretty fantastic as you so kindly affirm. FH: THROUGH THE BITING SARCASM. FH: I just allocated my strife specibus with rapierKind so I am all kinds of ready for the day. FH: What are you picking? Something chess-related, right? Maybe pikeKind for pawns? lanceKind for knights? FH: What the hell do bishops fight with anyway? Bibles? FH: Or those things full of holy water that you swing around on a chain? FH: Hold up. FH: BADASS. WS: I wish I had picked something that cool. WS: I chose poleKind, instead. WS: Sorta like the kind the King uses. WS: At least that's one interpretation of the King I've seen. WS: Trying to stay humble with the weapon choice, you know. FH: Ah yes, your human emotion called humility. FH: So adorable. FH: How’s the download going? WC said his torrent got all glitched up and crashed. I guess he’s going to have to use the copy they shipped us like any common peon. FH: Any luck with yours? WS: Actually, yes. It looks like I've almost finished. Give it another 4-5 minutes and the program should be totally launched. WS: And before you accuse me of cheating, I just happened to find a reliable Torrent file. WS: I'm in some good hacking circles. WS: Besides all of that, the copy they're sending me is only half of the full game. WS: Which is why I have to download the other half. FH: Oh damn! Too good for us, I get it! FH: Wait I forget what category you even won in the competition I’m sorry. WS: "Deepest Storyline" WS: When really I just loaded it down with cliches. WS: I was really surprised. WS: ... WS: Damnit. WS: The torrent just failed miserably. WS: Don't you dare laugh. FH: HE HE FH: HE FH: (sorry) WS: No you're not. WS: But that's fine. Turnabout is fair play. WS: So, if that's all we've got to talk about, then can I go deal with this growing hunger? WS: Or do you have something else to say? FH: Yes, get out of here and sate your voracious hunger for Japanese schoolgirls in compromising positions. FH: Or munch some Pocky, I don’t know, whatever you were planning. FH: /lɛɪɹr/
> Flynn: Screw your name. There's a crazy klein bottle. Aggrieve!
What, those things? No, man, those are just CLAY SCULPTURES. You abjure the idea of aggrieving either of them. You'd have to be some kind of loopy wall-coloring spacecase to aggrieve an inanimate object.
You pointedly did not list ceramics among your fortes earlier. You've made a lot of attempts, but... Well, look at that abstract new-age shit. What are those things even supposed to be?
You guess... You guess the one on the right looks kind of like a woman pushing a baby around in a stroller. Kind of?
Is the left one a boa constrictor eating itself and pooping itself out at the same time?
Maybe you could use one of these as a doorstop or something, you don't know.
You dutifully flip it turn-ways and have a look at the other side of the room.
All quiet on this front pretty much. Wow that is some PIANO. You have never seen such a finely-drawn piano in your life. The PIANO BENCH is out of sight but no big deal it is nearby. You just had to stand on it for something or something. Listen the point is if you need to lay out some whatnasty thumps on these ivories it's not going to be a federal fucking issue.
Give me a break! How old do you think you are, thirteen? Why would you still be playing with LEGOS at your age? That's ridiculous.
No. If there are still any pieces scattered around on the floor that's just cause you haven't swept them up and thrown them away yet. You're a busy guy. All those creative pursuits. You don't have time to go around bent over with your fingers outstretched trying to pluck up every single leftover Lego piece lying oh my god look at that you haven't seen this guy in years
He's a GASGANO MINIFIG. From back in the Star Wars days. Oh jeez, this takes you back. You used to have all the Podracers. All of them. But whenever you took them for a lap around the ground floor, this guy -- this fucking guy! -- always won. That is because he was always your favorite.
Hey, guy. Look, I'm sorry. Your Podracer's hasn't been assembled for years. I've probably thrown out all the pieces by now. Okay, come on, I know we had some good times, I'm not -- No, come on, now! You can't get hung up on the past, Gasgano! What's done is done! Just because you're never going to race again, that doesn't...
You're never going to race again.
ALL YOU EVER WANTED TO DO WAS PODRACE.
I'M SO SORRY AH BLUH BLUH BLUHHHHHH I'M SO SO SORRY BLUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Post by Molebolge on Sept 10, 2010 19:25:14 GMT -5
> Flynn: Check up on other friends. You feel lonely.
You tearfully load up Pesterchum on your PORTABLE NETWORKING DEVICE. Oh thank god. There's someone. You are in serious need of a little emotional support right now.
-- forteHolder [FH] began pestering biomechArtisan [BA] --
FH: Bluh bluh bluhhh. FH: Oh, sorry. FH: Kinda havin' a rough moment over here. BA: Happens to the best of us, really. BA: So, I take it this isn't an issue of the sort you can solve by lightly poking it with some kind of thin, lightweight blade weapon? FH: No no, it’s not the stabby kind, it’s the nostalgia kind. FH: I just found this toy I used to play with a lot. He was lying on the floor! I could have thrown him away or stepped on him maybe! FH: I miss being a kid! Everything was cool. BA: Heh, I know that feeling - I had quite a bit of that before I moved here. Nostalgia has a tendency to be awesome. BA: But, well, y'know. Growing up happens and then you look back at the stuff you thought was the coolest things ever... and wonder what the hell was the creator on. BA: Did that ever happen to you? xD FH: Yeah I guess so. It’s just hard, you know. FH: Being a young adult and growing up. FH: It’s hard and nobody understands. FH: (/blʌ blʌ/) FH: Anyway you still have your dragon toys so you don’t get to talk. I can’t believe you have the time to put those things together. BA: Dragon toys? BA: ... OH! The Sentinel Unit. XD That's a pretty recent purchase actually so I can't really say much on the nostalgia level of it. BA: And as for the time... well, as a great man once said, "Time is an illusion." BA: DID take a bit of time to put together. SO worth it though. FH: Sentinel unit? What’s this, from one of those worlds you are all the time building? FH: Congrats on the “Best Setting” award by the way. It’s no “Audience Favorite” but it’s pretty cool too I guess. BA: Heh, thanks. Kinda not a big deal though. I mean, only... like... ten of the other stories on the entire bloody forum had anything you could call a 'setting'. BA: Kinda like the title I got out of it, though. 'Synchronizer of Living Metal'. Pretty awesome and appropriate of them. Who'd have thought. BA: What's the one they gave you again? FH: “Duke of Decay”. FH: Which I thought was kinda weird, but whatever. I guess the judges felt I ruined the competition by being so amazing that all future contest winners would pale in comparison! FH: But seriously what the hell is a sentinel unit. It sounds like a robot and I’m pretty sure what you’ve got is dragons. BA: They are and they aren't. They're bio-mechanical constructs, though their organic component does stem from DNA extracted from these biometallic Dragon Fossils. BA: It's kind of very contrived and elaborate. There's a whole story arc explaining the science behind it, but yeah. I could fangasm about this show for hours. Might as well quit while I'm ahead. xD FH: Oh right, I forgot. FH: ANIME. FH: Man I have just been running the otaku gauntlet today! How close do you live to Shiro-chan? You two really ought to get together for some nerd-dates. Slam some sake, watch some magical girl adventures, you know, maybe practice a little calligraphy. No? BA: The origin of the series doesn't matter to me as much as the fact it's actually a good piece of sci-fi. BA: Not everyone who watches the occasional anime is obsessed with everything Japan coughs up, y'know. >< FH: Okay, okay, I get it. FH: Actually I owe Shiro one anyway. He taught me this amazing Japanese name for the new weapon I’m gonna give my character from the writing contest. FH: It’s such a great weapon oh my god FH: I’d say get ready for the next installment, but THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS READY FOR THIS. Your socks are going to just go flying off into the stratosphere, try as you might to affix them to your feet. BA: Eheh. Well, looking forward to see what you come up with! ^^ FH: Thanks man, I appreciate that. FH: I’ll probably go finish it off right now. You’ll feel the earth tremble. FH: Talk to you later!
Post by Molebolge on Sept 10, 2010 19:34:40 GMT -5
Wow, you feel a lot better. Good enough to call the bluhs off for the moment. You decide to captchalogue the GASGANO MINIFIG so as to keep it safe.
Aw yeah. Here comes that CAPTCHALOGUE CARD now. No trash bag for you, mister four arms!
The GASGANO MINIFIG gets stored with a PRIORITY of 1.
What oh god damn it. You totally forgot to specify what priority you wanted to assign to the object. The modus defaults to 1 when it doesn't have any other value to work with.
The PRIORITY MODUS is really simple. Whenever you captchalogue an object, you assign it a PRIORITY between 1 and 8 (because you have eight captchalogue cards right now. If you add more to the deck, the range will increase). You can't store two objects with the same priority at the same time. At any moment, you can only retrieve the object with the highest priority out of those captchalogued. So if you want to draw one of your lower-priority cards, you have to dump the higher-priority cards first. Tedious! But the advantage is that you can adjust an object's priority every time you re-captchalogue it, scaling higher or lower depending on how likely it is you think you'll need that item in the immediate future.
You don't really mind leaving the minifig there in card 1. It's not like you were going to need it any time soon anyway. But from now on you resolve to always specify which value you want to assign an object at the same time that you decide to captchalogue it.
Post by Molebolge on Sept 10, 2010 19:43:18 GMT -5
> Flynn: Examine poster.
It's a POSTER for your favorite movie. The best damn movie in the history of cinema, in fact.
They killed his wife.
They killed his children.
He's going to give them...
Oh fucking fuck yes. What a masterpiece. How they even came up with the concept you have no idea. Genius beyond even your reach. Four guns. Four guns. Look at that hardboiled mammajamma. He's packing more heat than the Sahara at high noon.
Every fictional character should have a gun, that is your opinion. Although the new weapon with the amazing Japanese name that you've given to your writing contest character, such a great weapon oh my god, is not a gun. No. No, it is something more awesome still. Actually you should probably hit the message board and upload the new chapter. Their socks are just going to dissolve into a fine mist.
Post by Molebolge on Sept 12, 2010 20:29:27 GMT -5
> Flynn: View message board.
It's your favorite little corner of the Internet, EXOPHTHALMIC ARCHIMANDRITES.
Bug-eyed Eastern Orthodox abbots might seem like an awfully specific interest but the forum has branched out to include a healthy FICTION & POETRY scene. That's why they ran that WRITING COMPETITION which you totally won the shit out of. Or at least you won AUDIENCE FAVORITE which is just about the same thing.
You scroll through the General board lovingly. Yes, EXIE ARCHIE truly is a cozy place to call cyber-home.
But enough of that. It is time to upload the next chapter in the ongoing adventures of your utterly awesome character HUNTER (first name? last name? who knows?) whose exploits up to now are precisely what netted you that coveted prize.
Post by Molebolge on Sept 12, 2010 20:29:41 GMT -5
did, a fliyng kiKc n aslo his kick his foot wuz spining liek a hellicopt5r all brrrrrwzzzz so teh fotowent RITE THRO th gaurds necjk n CHOPD his nekhis head of HISA HWOLE TORSO OF
and THEN huntter lnadedon teh gruond al cool&compost n he stood He stood up all slpw
hs eye’s wernt even LOOKNG @ teh gaurdsded body tehy went evn CARE
and hunter sed ‘thag is WAHT u get’ he mumterd ‘4 bein a gaurd’’ bug tehn . . . . . .
SO MAMNY MOR4E GAURDSE
n hun[/b]tar sed ‘ob 2 bad he sed wiftha lokok f sandess i reLly dong liek kigllging huma n lieves tagink uhman lyfe’s bu tif becuz, itz awaste 0of fumnan lijves but if i hvav 2 doit thn..’ n huentr reddyded hsi shichishito- whi9hc wuzclaled[/font][/size] WS: "Tsukaimononinaranai."[/color][/font][/size] n, it haz a SPEHSUL PORWA witch iam aBout 2 tle u waut it is
hee said ‘thn ig geuss its - - - - - - -- - - - -
ad three it waz . . . . . . th e big shinichitty . . . . HADD the fi4re
im teLllign u their weerf lame EVEREY danm wear lieke f alof sdudden [italicks]ervythnig wsa mad oug of ppytro10chicks[/ilatic]
ans Hunetrs’ his balCk letyher jaxkt&block kclaok &blak pantsa stoood oiut relayg o0dagianstagaintgaagnaist[/i] wit th4fier
nd h e sed ;oh nowow yuo guuarDS can can gaUrd yoru own FUNelral pires bec caus noow u ar ASHEHS now KNOT garudas so now NXT tiem lokok 2WIcE att he guh wiftha flAMMIng sord. .
[/size][/font]adn then DIE[/blockquote]
Last Edit: May 2, 2011 20:05:59 GMT -5 by Molebolge
Post by Molebolge on Sept 12, 2010 20:29:51 GMT -5
Oh my god. So amazing. Their socks don't even have a contingency plan for this. This is going to make their feet declare sock ethnic cleansing and drive all surviving socks off the continent.
Of course when you posted the original Hunter adventure (he killed demons) there was obviously a smattering of hecklers decrying you as a "troll", but what can you do? HATERS GONNA HATE. If they're set on thinking you live under a bridge and eat billy goats or whatever, so be it. The point is everyone else on the forum loved your story. At least, you think they did. A whole lot of "lulz" got passed around, which you're pretty sure means everyone was having a good time. When the competition started, there was naturally a clamor to get your story honored as the audience favorite, which you of course accepted graciously and with all humility. And then the naysayers started calling everybody trolls which is just crazy because how could a troll even type on a keyboard with those pudgy fingers, so basically those people were totally crazy and you don't understand their ways at all. So what. Fuck 'em. You won. And there was nothing the judges could do about it.
God, you are such a fantastic writer. You're so brilliant that sometimes, once in a while, you wonder how anybody can stand to interact with you. Without melting into a puddle of shame, I mean.
Post by Molebolge on Sept 14, 2010 19:46:13 GMT -5
> Flynn: Get trolled.
While you're at your laptop, someone else pesters you. You obviously have PESTERCHUM installed on both your laptop and your portable.
Wow, you're MISTER POPULARITY today, aren't you! And by "today" I mean "every day". You've got chums ringing off the hook twenty-four seven. Why would anyone want to talk to anyone besides you? That would be no fun at all. So who are you gracing with your charm and wit just now?
That's... a new one.
You're pretty sure you've never heard of anyone with this chumhandle. That's so bizarre. Why would he want to get in touch with you? How does he know you exist? What's his deal!
-- karmaCharmer [KC] began pestering forteHolder [FH] --
KC: hey KC: hey KC: hey KC: uh KC: hey FH: Hey. FH: Do I know you? KC: uh KC: sure yeah KC: from Archimedes Exoskeletor KC: hey i heard you guys won that sweet new game FH: Oh! Well, uh… FH: Yeah. FH: Yeah, they had equal prizes for all the categories, which is kind of weird because I totally thought I deserved the best prize and that the other winners were really lame and boring… FH: But whatever I guess I’m just going to be the best at the new game too. KC: PSH HA YEAH RIGHT KC: aint nobody better than me at SBURB, negrodamus. im gonna roll yall up like a big fat blunt KC: and smoke ya KC: you know KC: like a joint KC: see thats the joke KC: smoke ya like a weed cigarette KC: but in SBURB FH: What? Can you even do that? Dude it’s not, like, an MMORPG, it’s just a multiplayer game. FH: I don’t know how you got a copy of Sburb already but you’re not getting in on our session so you can just jog on, buddy! FH: Eleven players is the best number of players and I am pretty sure you didn’t win ANY of the writing contest awards. Even the dumb ones. KC: psh KC: psssssh KC: psssssssssssssssssssssssssshaaww KC: i won all kinds of awards KC: like best screenplay KC: and uh KC: uh KC: best supporting female actress KC: you know what KC: shut up KC: talkin about sessions WHAT DO YOU KNOW KC: just wait til you get in here youll see KC: hehehehehehehe KC: like a weed cigarette FH: /wɛɪt/ FH: Do you live under a bridge? FH: Is that what this is? FH: Do you eat billy goats? KC: psh KC: psssssshhhh KC: i eat herpy mcderps like you is what i eat KC: and i live with ya momma KC: sucka KC: haha KC: see there KC: because im like ya daddy KC: thats the joke KC: son KC: hehehe FH: I’m… I’m not really sure how to deal with this. FH: Would quitting the chat be a strong enough move? FH: Like, kind of leaving you staring forlornly at your screen to contemplate the meaninglessness of life? KC: what KC: no KC: bluhhh FH: I’m about to do it! FH: I’m scrolling over! FH: The cursor is hovering over the QUIT button! KC: HURGG KC: youre a monster FH: Wow, I was really expecting you to parry-riposte me and quit the chat yourself by now. FH: Too complicated a maneuver for you? KC: ah KC: but thats what you EXPECT me to do KC: when really KC: im just stalling to keep your back turned KC: but now i gotta jet KC: btw KC: you better turn around before you get eaten KC: suckaaaaaaaa
Post by Molebolge on Sept 14, 2010 19:47:05 GMT -5
Nice move, brain hero. As if that guy could have seen your surroundings. Next time anyone pulls that kind of stunt on you, you will call them on their BOVINE EXCREMENT.
Jeez, what a toolbox deluxe. It is your strong suspicion that you have just encountered your very first TROLL. Apparently those pudgy fingers are lithe and graceful enough to operate a keyboard after all! But how in the hell anyone could peg you for a troll with thugs like that running around escapes you. That guy was so... dumb... and rude... and crass. Whereas you're exceptionally smart and friendly and sophisticated. What were the naysayers thinking!
That comment about your MOMMA and your DADDY kinda stuck with you, though. You wish you knew they were still living together. You actually kinda wish you knew where they were, period. It'd be really nice if they hadn't left you and your SISTER alone in the house years and years ago, for no apparent reason, never to return. It'd also be nice if you had any way of getting in contact with them and even the faintest notion of what they were up to or whether they were even still alive.
That'd be really great for you. So great and cool. For you. Always.
You stare forlornly at your screen and contemplate the meaninglessness of life.
Post by Molebolge on Sept 15, 2010 20:37:48 GMT -5
> Flynn: Venture forth.
It's horrible outdoors.
You hate this place. One massive gray-green blemish on the landscape. It’s almost as if the city has adapted to thrive on pollution. Sludge rather than blood pumps through its veins, and when it breathes it takes in not fresh air but smog. Trash and filth are not only its excrement, but its nourishment as well: the city can eat what it exudes, again and again, and never want for nutrients. Except, you know, that’s stupid because no living being could function like that. If the city seems like an organism that can survive and flourish by feeding off toxins, that’s only because Death hasn’t stopped by to collect his due yet.
However, for some weird reason you feel wary of speaking too soon.
"Everything is poison, there is poison in everything. Only the dose makes a thing not a poison." -English singer-songwriter and activist, Sting
Post by Molebolge on Sept 27, 2010 23:57:55 GMT -5
Oh look. Someone else is pestering you. You're the greatest, you're an amazing conversationalist, everyone wants your mad D.
Wow. Your heart really wasn't in that one.
Maybe you're just afraid it's going to be another troll. You hop back onto the computer and check it out. Ah, okay, fine. It's just THAT KID. He can't even go twenty-four hours without pestering you. You grudgingly set hands to keyboard and get to responding.
-- waterloggedComputron [WC] began pestering forteHolder [FH] --
WC: so uh WC: i see you've posted a new chapter of your fic FH: What? FH: Oh. Oh yeah. FH: Yeah it’s pretty much the best and I am totally the best, &c. WC: i guess? WC: i'm still trying to work my way through it WC: and wtf does &c even mean WC: jegus WC: you and your "word play" FH: Whatever! Forget it. FH: I’m fishing for sympathy, but I forgot you live with a fucking shark. WC: man you leave Faygo out of this WC: what did he ever do to you FH: /ʊɢx/ FH: That’s not what I meant. FH: It’s just… FH: Augh whatever! WC: what is it even WITH you with all your AUGHS and WHATEVERS today FH: I don’t know, I just got pestered by some rando commando who was eating billy goats or something. FH: He was trying to piss me off I think. And he was pretty bad at it! Except that he threw in this comment about my parents that kinda bummed me out. FH: ‘Cuz I haven’t heard from them in years &c &c. FH: But there’s no use crying to you about it because for all I know your parents are gone too because apparently you just live with a shark! FH: So there we go! Now we’re all on the same page. All of us. WC: there you go with your &c &c again i swear you are harder to read than a window spray painted with burned grease WC: but uh, i guess that's pretty wak about eating billy goats and stuff WC: did you block the poop head FH: Oh please, blocking people is for the weak! FH: What do you take me for, some kind of blubbering limp-limbed pansy?? WC: i, uh WC: actually ya WC: that's exactly what i take you for FH: Okay, you’re not supposed to agree with me when I ask something like that. FH: It’s too easy. FH: I’m pitching that right to you, you’re supposed to have the class not to swing for it like it’s swing dancing night at the swinger’s club! WC: i'll swing at it like fuckin barry bonds on steroids WC: just cuz the pitcher screws up and gives me a straight pitch doesn't mean i'm not hitting it WC: it's how the universe works, man WC: gotta drop kick those opportunities in the face when they come at you FH: I haven’t screwed up one bit! FH: You’re the one who’s messing up this clever extended swing-themed analogy with some weird drop kick image. FH: Thanks douchebag, there goes the poetry! WC: man we have moved past the realm of poetry and into the realm of just straight up smacking things in the olfactory enclosure WC: just flow with it dood FH: Ah yes, the land of sharks and violence. FH: Count me out! Some of us are a little more sophisticated than you and your mug-bludgeoning ways, Tweak. WC: you keep bringing up Faygo WC: is that what it is WC: do you just hate sharks or something FH: Yes. No. Maybe! I don’t know. FH: Wow we’ve veered off subject. What the hell were we even talking about? FH: Oh yeah, what’s his face the troll. FH: Unless we were actually talking about our parental situations. FH: Unless we were actually talking about my amazing writing. WC: and there you go trying to steer the universe to your liking WC: it does not work like that WC: but i guess now that we're here. WC: trolls are dumb, i don't want to talk about my parents, and i don't care about your writing. WC: so i guess that means we're talking about that troll guy FH: /o mæn/, look at all this getting put in my place that just happened to me! FH: If you didn’t care about my writing why did you even bother me about it in the first place, huh? WC: i was just noticing it WC: it's not like i read it or anything FH: Oh please, I wouldn’t expect you to go to all the trouble of READING things. You might have to take off the shades for that! FH: Hey! Have you and Bustin and Kurt ever thought about pooling your sunglasses collections and just rotating them weekly?? FH: It’d save a lot of money AND you three would get even closer to your dream of all being the exact same person! WC: wat WC: we're not even close to the same WC: i have a shark WC: plus my shades are better than theirs combined. FH: Oh my god whatever. FH: Here, let me spell that out for you. FH: /w/ FH: /ʌ/ FH: /t/ FH: /e/ FH: /v/ FH: /r/ FH: There, now my apathy is set in stone forever. WC: it won't be set in stone forever cuz it's on your computer WC: i hope your hard drive gets hit by a meteor or trashed by some imps or something equally ridiculous FH: What the hell? Imps don’t exist. FH: They’re nothing but made-up make-believe fakey fake fakes. FH: Stop pretending stuff and get real, Twerp Moustache!! WC: oooh that burned WC: i think i can smell myself i am so burned WC: that was a good one WC: how long have you been saving that one for, mr suckstenato? FH: Are you kidding me? A great word like “Sostenuto” and that was the best you could do with it? FH: Even “Weaksaucetenuto” would have been better than that!! FH: Face it, Twerp. You will never be as good at wordplay as me. Or at writing. Or at being the audience favorite. FH: OR AT SBURB FH: &C. &C. &C.!!!! WC: twerp is such a wak insult, tho WC: every time you call me that i just think of that incompetent crazy woman in pokemon WC: but i guess that kinda fits your incompetence, f'llate suckstenato FH: God, “F’llate”? How contrived can you get? FH: Screw this, I’m totally done with you. FH: Enjoy your shark! WC: fine whatever
Post by Molebolge on Sept 27, 2010 23:58:19 GMT -5
> Flynn: Swashbuckle.
Why can't he just acknowledge your excellence? Why does he got to be all the time knocking you down a peg? Who does he think he is! You are so fired up that you grab your foil and start skewering every damn air molecule in the room. You are swashing these buckles like they've never been swashed. Or are you buckling these swashes like they've never been buckled? How do you not know the etymology of the word "swashbuckler"? Linguistics is totally your THING! Augh god damn it this is really pissing you off!
How's that, Mr. "Most Potential"? Yeah, most potential to get yourself impaled and flown like the flag of Douchetopia, maybe! Maybe that!
You jab your foil blindly this way and that with no regard whatsoever for your personal possessions!
Prime: It's especially fun to imagine it was an actual giant penis that shot down his ship. PEW PEW PEW
Sept 7, 2014 11:53:38 GMT -5
ch00beh: and a corporate spy that's quick with a lie and can wines and dine the best of them
Sept 6, 2014 13:08:31 GMT -5
ch00beh: family member was a dick and betrayed him
Sept 6, 2014 13:06:01 GMT -5
ch00beh: an ace pilot who isn't a hotshot and has a loving family; a mechanic that has always dreamed of space but some dick blew up his ship, so he served on a merchant vessel but some other dick bankrupted the ship, so he went into frontier science but some
Sept 6, 2014 13:05:46 GMT -5