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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Sept 26, 2006 14:33:26 GMT -5
It isn't complete, this is the raw, un-edited part, but I want you guys to help me fix it up, and do other things... thanks!
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The sun peeked over the horizon, and entered the glass pane of my window. The light was split apart causing a rainbow of blues, purples, yellows, greens, and oranges dancing across the floor.
I shielded my eyes from the burning light. It’s still so early, I thought to myself. Why does school have to start so early in the morning. I heard a loud pounding on my door which made me sit straight up a cold chill running up my spine.
“Get UP!” a feminine yet affirmative voiced yelled through the wooden door.
“Alright, Alright…” I rose from my sleep, and began prowling lazily around my room for a change of clothes. I found a natural brown shirt with some bootleg pants and put them on. “As if I needed another tormenting day… yay… school starts again” mumbling to myself I fixed my hair and opened my door, and met my mother face to face.
“The start of your senior year… your brothers took two years to graduate, and you’re the first to actually be attempting to graduate on time…” her middle aged eyes were beginning to tear up. She opened her arms and embraced me tightly, and ran her hand up and down my back. “Oh, my baby is going to graduate.”
“Alright mother… jeez, wait till graduation…” I laughed at my own sarcasm as she let go. “You’re a tough woman mom, I mean think of that semi-pro boxer you whooped that one party! Don’t get all soft on me now I need you to protect me!”
“Tristan, you know with my bad back I wouldn’t be able to do as much as I used to.” She sat down and turned on an old western, which my step-dad so graciously got her into.
“Why do you continue to watch those old westerns, it gets annoying hearing the Gun Smoke every morning!” I said leaning on the doorway to my parents den.
One thing about the den, you don’t sit on their furniture (even though they have a three person couch, a recliner, and a little bench thing underneath the window). I have learned with my Mother, and my Step-dad, you only tell them what they wanted to hear. You see about a year ago a virus hit our computer one night while I was IM’ing one my friends. Well after that they asked the question Tristan are you gay?
That night, I had a lot of mixed emotions. I asked myself questions like oh poop, they found out didn’t they, or how am I going to cover this one up. If you haven’t guessed yet, I am a teen dealing with being homosexual in today’s society. Yeah, another gay teen I suppose, but I would like to tell you the story before I went to school, and what happened during my summer.
It was the end of my junior year and summer was finally, and we were getting new neighbors. We have known these people for years, and I hung out with them for a few months before school ended, and began to become infatuated with their eldest son, Todd. Yeah, it sucks, but I had to deal with it, because in a matter of minutes I seemed to be his older brother (he was two years younger then I) and his best friend, or so I thought. Todd was a younger boy, around the age of 14, he had blonde curly hair and blue eyes, his body was a mix between an athletic body, and a scrawny body. From what I hear he has always been physically fit. Ahh… at first he was my dream boy, he might have been younger, but he had everything I needed. Looks, compassion, love, he was funny, and awesome.
I went to his house for the first time and his mom left me alone with him, and his younger brother Trae. He was just a year younger then Todd, so they got along good at times that night, but also fought. So picture a living room, with a couch on three walls, and a fire place on the left over wall. One was sitting on one couch, and the other sitting on the other.
I sat closer to Todd, and I looked into his eyes and he in mine, and he asked me a question that I thought would never leave the lips of another male that I met (at least to me) “Ya wanna kiss?”
I was shocked personally, I almost said yes. I closed my eyes and sighed “What?” I replied.
Todd started laughing hysterically until he fell on the floor and laid his head on my knee “Oh, funny isn’t it!” he said looking at me, and he sat up “How about we play a little truth or dare?”
“Funny…” I said “Are you sure that you are capable of playing?”
“Sure I’ll go first.” Todd smiled with wildly.
“Trae!” he said loudly
“Shoot, dare” Trae said with no enthusiasm.
“I dare you to take a huge glob of gel, and mold your hair like Elvis Presley.”
Heavy on love, I thought that everything Todd said was funny, whether it be rude or not. I guess it was typical, I guess I proved to myself, I was falling in love with someone who is two to three years younger than me, and there was nothing I could do!
By the time the night was over, people were covered in multiple colors, and their head was stiff with gel. Their parents finally got home, and we were all asleep on the floor watching the movie “Baby Boy”
Since he was moving in next door, he would come over and he would stay the weekend at my house, in my room, on my floor. We would have late night conversations, and we would talk about why exactly we hang out together. I remembered his exact response as if it were a few minutes ago…
“Your cool, you get me out of trouble, and you’re really nice, and you’re funny…” he said with a smile that made my heart melt.
“Well” I said as a matter a fact-ly “I like you because your pretty athletic, you get me outside, and your pretty easy going…”
Todd wasn’t all flowers and fun. He had his moments of evil-ness too. I had this strong suspicion that he liked me, and I thought I was right, but every time he would see a moderately pretty girl, he would breathe in with a deep sigh and say “Oooh yeah!”
That hit me hard every time he would do that. I felt betrayed, and I felt like he didn’t even know I was there and he wasn’t aware of my feelings.
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Post by Damien on Sept 26, 2006 17:03:39 GMT -5
I like it so far, eager to see where you take the story. ^^
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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Sept 26, 2006 19:02:46 GMT -5
thanks, if I can work on it, I should have the next part up either tomorrow or the next day.
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Post by Diamond Princess on Sept 29, 2006 7:21:30 GMT -5
HEY! Dont forget about livejournal. The Dancer of Saturday needs to read too!
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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Oct 6, 2006 8:50:55 GMT -5
(My story, slightly revised, so there are some typos. sorry, and it was taken from word. so some of it should be italacized, but isn't at the moment.)
The sun peeked over the horizon, and entered the glass pane of my window. The light was split apart causing a rainbow of blues, purples, yellows, greens, and oranges dancing across the floor.
I shielded my eyes from the burning light. It’s still so early, I thought to myself. Why does school have to start so early in the morning. I heard a loud pounding on my door which made me sit straight up a cold chill running up my spine.
“Get UP!” a feminine yet affirmative voiced yelled through the wooden door.
“Alright, Alright…” I rose from my sleep, and began prowling lazily around my room for a change of clothes. I found a natural brown shirt with some bootleg pants and put them on. “As if I needed another tormenting day… yay… school starts again” mumbling to myself I fixed my hair and opened my door, and met my mother face to face.
My mother was a bigger person (not fat, but more of a muscular heftiness). She had biceps that a man would be proud of, and she was really strong. She had a kindness in her eyes, but she had a vicious bark, which was only half as vicious as her bite. She could take down anyone that she wanted to, and would make a grown man curl like a baby and cry.
“The start of your senior year… your brothers took two years to graduate, and you’re the first to actually be attempting to graduate on time…” her middle aged eyes were beginning to tear up. She opened her arms and embraced me tightly, and ran her hand up and down my back. “Oh, my baby is going to graduate.”
“Alright mother… jeez” I said my voice being muffled by my mother, “wait till graduation…” I laughed at my own sarcasm as she let go. “You’re a tough woman mom, I mean think of that semi-pro boxer you whooped that one party! Don’t get all soft on me now I need you to protect me!”
“Tristan, you know with my bad back I wouldn’t be able to do as much as I used to.” She sat down and turned on an old western, which my step-dad so graciously got her into.
“Why do you continue to watch those old westerns, it gets annoying hearing the Gun Smoke every morning!” I said leaning on the doorway to my parents den.
One thing about the den, you don’t sit on their furniture (even though they have a three person couch, a recliner, and a little bench thing underneath the window). I have learned with my Mother, and my Step-dad, you only tell them what they wanted to hear. You see about a year ago a virus hit our computer one night while I was IM’ing one my friends. Well after that they asked the question, “Tristan are you gay?”
That night, I had a lot of mixed emotions. I asked myself questions like oh poop, they found out didn’t they, or how am I going to cover this one up. If you haven’t guessed yet, I am a teen dealing with being homosexual in today’s society. Yeah, another gay teen I suppose, but I would like to tell you the story before I went to school, and what happened during my summer.
It was the end of my junior year and summer was finally, and we were getting new neighbors. We have known these people for years, and I hung out with them for a few months before school ended, and began to become infatuated with their eldest son, Todd. Yeah, it sucks, but I had to deal with it, because in a matter of minutes I seemed to be his older brother (he was two years younger then I) and his best friend, or so I thought. Todd was a younger boy, around the age of 14, he had blonde curly hair and blue eyes, his body was a mix between an athletic body, and a scrawny body. From what I hear he has always been physically fit. Ahh… at first he was my dream boy, he might have been younger, but he had everything I needed. Looks, compassion, love, he was funny, and awesome.
Since we became best of friends he didn’t want to leave my house one night, so I suggested the idea of him staying the night. Well, his Mother had no problem so he and his little brother Trae stayed the night. That night was a little odd for me, I didn’t know him well then, and my parents weren’t home. I began to notice then that I was falling for him, at that moment. I found myself continuously looking at him. I couldn’t help myself. I was in the presence of a hott 14 year old, and I could only imagine dating him. In between looking at him and making dinner I put in a movie for us all to watch and that is when I really began to find out what he was like. He would ask question every five minutes and I had to keep explaining things. I didn’t mind at times, but it did get annoying, but did I notice then? No I was infatuated, why would I?
Soon, I went to his house for the first time and his mom left me alone with him, and his younger brother. He was just a year younger then Todd, so they got along good at times that night, but also fought. So picture a living room, with a couch on three walls, and a fire place on the left over wall. One was sitting on one couch, and the other sitting on the other.
I sat closer to Todd, and I looked into his eyes and he in mine, and he asked me a question that I thought would never leave the lips of another male that I met (at least to me) “Ya wanna kiss?”
I was shocked personally, I almost said yes. I closed my eyes and sighed “What?” I replied.
Todd started laughing hysterically until he fell on the floor and laid his head on my knee “Oh, funny isn’t it!” he said looking at me, and he sat up “How about we play a little truth or dare?”
“Funny…” I said “Are you sure that you are capable of playing?”
“Sure I’ll go first.” Todd said smiling wildly.
“Trae!” he said loudly
“Shoot, dare” Trae said with no enthusiasm.
“I dare you to take a huge glob of gel, and mold your hair like Elvis Presley.”
Heavy on love, I thought that everything Todd said was funny, whether it be rude or not. I guess it was typical, I guess I proved to myself, I was falling in love with someone who is two to three years younger than me, and there was nothing I could do!
By the time the night was over, people were covered in multiple colors, and their head was stiff with gel. Their parents finally got home, and we were all asleep on the floor watching the movie “Baby Boy”
Since he was moving in next door, he would come over more and more often, and he would stay the weekend at my house, in my room, on my floor. We would have late night conversations, and we would talk about why exactly we hang out together. I remembered his exact response as if it were a few minutes ago…
“Your cool, you get me out of trouble, and you’re really nice, and you’re funny…” he said with a smile that made my heart melt.
“Well” I said as a matter a fact-ly “I like you because your pretty athletic, you get me outside, and your pretty easy going…”
Todd wasn’t all flowers and fun. He had his moments of evil-ness too. I had this strong suspicion that he liked me, and I thought I was right, but every time he would see a moderately pretty girl, he would breathe in with a deep sigh and say “Oooh yeah!”
That hit me hard every time he would do that. I felt betrayed, and I felt like he didn’t even know I was there and he wasn’t aware of my feelings. I would snap without thinking “Why do you keep saying those things!”
“Well, Tristan” Todd said with a smile “Don’t you think she is hott?”
Disgusted and shocked I looked at him with a fiery rage “No…” I said snapping and pausing to explain myself “I gave up dating girls, I feel it is too much drama for a high school student”
“What ever” he replied “You probably have a girlfriend right now!”
“Shut up!” I said almost in tears “I told you I don’t date girls!”
“Alright, alright, jeez will ya just calm down for a second, I didn’t mean to offend you… I see you can’t take a joke” “A joke…” I said in a low, and sad voice “No…” I said swallowing the large lump in my throat that began to swell. I felt tears begin to come to my eyes “I am a literalist, I take everything literally…” I realized what I did. I just set myself for him to realize that could potentially be gay. There is one thing you have to know, I am a horrible liar. I couldn’t tell a lie to save my life, but those words “I don’t date girls” flowed right out of my mouth like a waterfall. Those words were filled with rage, and hate. Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t particularly hate girls, I just don’t want to date them, be with them sexually, or emotionally. I actually have a best friend and she is a girl, but I could never date her.
People argue that being homosexual is wrong. I of course wasn’t shocked by this fact, but I was shocked that my own mother was appalled by the idea of someone being gay.
“Your Uncle was gay Tristan” My mother said in a low voice.
“Yeah, I know, he had AIDS too though didn’t he?” I asked quizzically, not knowing my uncle very well.
“Yes he did. He got that from a blood transfusion though honey… it wasn’t because he was gay” She looked at me and tears swelled up. “I miss him so much. He was my only full blooded brother!”
I didn’t know what to do. My mother was usually emotional, but my Uncles death never affected her this much.
“Gays” she said with hate “I don’t mind’em if they are outside the family…”
“What are you saying mother?” I asked feeling tension.
“What I am saying Tristan” she paused trying to figure out how to word it “Is that I don’t want any gays in my family. I don’t need that kind of shame brought here.”
My eyes widened with shock at the next sentence that left my mothers mouth. It is a sentence that no child should ever hear, it is a sentence so terrifying, so horrible that it is un-conceivable to human ears.
“Tristan” she said with a low and powerful voice “If I ever found out you were gay… So help me god. I brought you into this world I will take you OUT!”
“MOM STOP!” I yelled without thinking. “That… I mean… I was…” I sighed “I like my best friend, so don’t even think that I am gay… alright!”
“Good” she said with a hint of satisfaction.
“Mom…” I said low, and hurt “I think I am going to go, and lay down…” I left the kitchen and dragged my feet to my room. I fell down on my bed and looked at my ceiling fan. Is it just me? I asked myself. Am I the only one with this… problem? I thought about that question for a second. Being gay wasn’t a problem; it was how everyone else approached it. I began to feel tears swell in my eyes, and that lump returned from before. I flipped over and stuffed my head in a pillow, and cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up a few hours later, my stomach hurt, and I was in physical pain. I got up, and had the worst mood I ever had (it was like a male version of PMS). I entered the bathroom and noticed my reflection in the window. Slightly overweight, but still very attractive, though, the reflection can only show what I look like on the outside, it will never be able to show what I have to on the inside. So do I have to hide myself?
I jumped when I heard a loud knock.
“Who is it?” I said routinely
“It’s me Tristan can I come in.”
“Todd? Why don’t you wait till I get out?” I said in reply
The door opened anyway, and he came in and closed the door.
“Tristan…” he said smiling
“What…” I said sighing. “Another one of your jokes?”
“No” he said quickly “You want to go swimming? You have a pool, and it is summer!”
“I guess so…” I said smiling. “Just let me get changed.”
“Oh” he said smiling “I will get changed with you!”
My heart stopped, changed with me? How can he get changed with me? He surely knows I am gay by now, and I can’t let him see me naked! That would be the highest of all evils! To let my crush see me with no clothes… but then again I thought.
“I guess so, I need to go get changed in my room.”
I left the bathroom, and he followed behind like an obedient dog. I closed my door, and went around my bed to my drawer and opened it finding a pair of brightly paired of swimming trunks. I looked over, and he wasn’t changed yet. I threw my shorts over my shoulder, and sat down on my bed.
Todd walked over and looked at me in the eyes. I was entranced by his good looks… kiss me…I though patiently waiting for it. He sat down next to and he put his hand on my knee. The touch of Todd, it was sweet, and serene, it sent waves of excitement through my body. An in-describable pleasure, something the sex could never achieve for me… it was love, the love for this guy, a guy named Todd. Then, the next hand touched the side of my cheek and he smiled, planting his lips on to mine.
The hairs on my neck stood up, and I just sat there. He pulled away quickly panting. He began to laugh nervously “I just kissed you…”
“Yeah… you did” I said shocked. “That was my first… and it was with you…”
Ignoring what I said he stripped down, and he stood there bare ass naked in front of me. He pulled his shorts up, and waited for me to get dressed “Well, I am dressed, why don’t you hurry up jeez… slow poke.”
The moment was over, the blissful sweet moment ended as quickly as it came. I went into my closest all shy like. “Sorry, but you ain’t seeing anything of mine… sorry!”
“What! You got to see me naked, I wanna see you!” Todd said in desperation from outside my closet.
“What? You don’t want to see my ugly body…” I said taking off my previous clothing exposing everything.
He walked into the closest and stood there, looking at my nether regions.
I dropped my swimming clothes, and proceeded to cover everything. “What are you doing!” I screamed.
“What?” he said smiling devilishly “I was sneaking a peek…” he laughed as he left the room.
I quickly pulled up my swimming trunks and left my closet. “Thanks, thanks a lot Todd.” My face was red with embarrassment and I felt completely naked, even though I had swimming trunks on.
“Who cares, lets just go swimming…” Todd rolled his eyes, and grabbed my hand, dragging me out my back door. “Come on!” he said loudly and brought me to the deck of my pool.
It was a bright summer day, lots of dry heat, 90 degrees approximately according to the thermometer outside our back door. Todd and I un-rolled the cover to my pool, and we got in.
The water was a refreshing delight. It was a way to get away from all the heat and tension from the inside of the house. I looked up at the trees to the side of my house, and watched the light trickle through the gaps. My blissful moment though was interrupted as a splash of cool water hit my face. “Hey!” I said loudly “Whatcha do that for?”
“What?” Todd said smiling “It is just water… are you afraid?” he sounded like one of those little kids that shrug their shoulders, and shake their head… you could just tell he was teasing you.
I have been swimming since I was three years old, so I would consider myself a fast swimmer. “You better watch out…” I dove under water, and with in a matter of seconds Todd was in my grasp. I lifted him out of the water (this was possibly due to the fact he was a lot lighter than I) and held him there.
Todd laughed un-controllably, as I threw him into the air, and he hit the water, and went under. He came back up and wiped his face “That was so fun! Do it again!”
“Again?” I said sighing “Simple things really do amuse you don’t they?” I said with a sarcastic tone.
I lifted him once again, but grabbing his hips, and set him on my shoulder. I placed my hand on his buttocks and shot-putted him into the air.
Todd kicked his feet, and let out a girlish scream as he hit the water and went under once again. He came back up quickly and wiped his face… yet again.
“Yo! Tristan, look out!” He drew back his arm, and splashed me again in the face.
I closed my eyes, and tried getting the water, and exhausted from throwing him. I just rubbed my eyes. I stopped as I felt the same soft touch on my lips as I did in my room.
I opened my eyes quickly, and I stared into his eyes. “You did it again…” I said panting. It was just a short kiss, but even the shortest of kisses will take my breath away when I am in love.
“I love you” Todd said embracing me in his arms.
I was limp. What do I say…raced through my head a million times a second. That moment, made my heart race with fear and excitement.
Finally coming to a decision I wrapped my arms around Todd, and just laid my head down on his shoulder. “Okay” I said smiling.
I felt really happy, full of excitement when I heard those words. He loved me…I thought someone actually loves me…. Though the feeling left quickly but, do I love him? That’s the real question. I let go and looked into his eyes “I think that we should get out, I am starting to get cold”
“Me too” he said laughing nervously.
We left the pool, and headed back to my room. I just threw a shirt on, and left my wet shorts on. “So what was that back there?” I was still in disbelief I had to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming.
“Can we not talk about it? Can we just let it go along as it is…” Todd said in a low voice.
“Whats wrong?” I said smiling “What did I do?”
“I am not freaking gay!” He said smiling.
My emotions rose to a boiling anger. I was very, very angry to put it in a good sense. “What! What the heck are you talking about!” I left the room slamming my door.
“God!” he screamed “It was a joke, can’t you take a joke.”
“Didn’t I tell you Todd, I am a literalist!” I said angrily, coming back into my room.
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Post by Tout-Perd on Oct 6, 2006 10:07:31 GMT -5
Ahem. Good story, Kevin. Very heartfelt, and I love the little spat at the end with the fire behind it. Solid story. 94/100
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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Oct 10, 2006 7:17:52 GMT -5
Thanks, though I don't know if I will continue it just yet. I might have to add some more.
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Post by Damien on Oct 11, 2006 16:55:48 GMT -5
The latest part was awesome, an enjoyable read. ^_^
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Post by Diamond Princess on Oct 12, 2006 7:45:37 GMT -5
ZOMG! That made my feet tap because it was exciting. Indeed. Yeah. have a cookie. OOOOOOO!
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Post by Tout-Perd on Oct 17, 2006 12:08:41 GMT -5
I get the feeling that this'll be The Exodus's "In a Moment".
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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Oct 17, 2006 12:20:39 GMT -5
I don't get it? In a moment?
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 17, 2006 12:21:31 GMT -5
How ever could you not be acquainted with Loogs' epic of romance, heartbreak, and some more romance and heartbreak?
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Post by Damien on Oct 17, 2006 14:04:04 GMT -5
And the totally hawt yours truly making a cameo at the school dance. EDIT: "Even Aimee came to the prom, all spruced up, with Damien Phillips, one of the cutest guys in school." Don't be jealous.
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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Oct 17, 2006 17:43:53 GMT -5
Umm... I don't know, I just personally want your opinions...
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 17, 2006 19:39:51 GMT -5
Umm... I don't know, I just personally want your opinions... That's nice-person code for "Get back on topic you ingrates!"
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Post by Damien on Oct 18, 2006 14:33:37 GMT -5
Well I think it's great so far and I'm looking forward to the next installment.
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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Oct 19, 2006 11:56:42 GMT -5
I will put the rest in as soon as I get the time to type. Well, actually, when I feel like writing.
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Post by albatrosstrevelyan on Nov 20, 2006 8:12:52 GMT -5
The sun peeked over the horizon, and entered the glass pane of my window. The light was split apart causing a rainbow of blues, purples, yellows, greens, and oranges dancing across the floor.
I shielded my eyes from the burning light. It’s still so early, I thought to myself. Why does school have to start so early in the morning. I heard a loud pounding on my door which made me sit straight up a cold chill running up my spine.
“Get UP!” a feminine yet affirmative voiced yelled through the wooden door.
“Alright, Alright…” I rose from my sleep, and began prowling lazily around my room for a change of clothes. I found a natural brown shirt with some bootleg pants and put them on. “As if I needed another tormenting day… yay… school starts again” mumbling to myself I fixed my hair and opened my door, and met my mother face to face.
My mother was a bigger person (not fat, but more of a muscular heftiness). She had biceps that a man would be proud of, and she was really strong. She had a kindness in her eyes, but she had a vicious bark, which was only half as vicious as her bite. She could take down anyone that she wanted to, and would make a grown man curl like a baby and cry.
“The start of your senior year… your brothers took two years to graduate, and you’re the first to actually be attempting to graduate on time…” her middle aged eyes were beginning to tear up. She opened her arms and embraced me tightly, and ran her hand up and down my back. “Oh, my baby is going to graduate.”
“Alright mother… jeez” I said my voice being muffled by my mother, “wait till graduation…” I laughed at my own sarcasm as she let go. “You’re a tough woman mom, I mean think of that semi-pro boxer you whooped that one party! Don’t get all soft on me now I need you to protect me!”
“Tristan, you know with my bad back I wouldn’t be able to do as much as I used to.” She sat down and turned on an old western, which my step-dad so graciously got her into.
“Why do you continue to watch those old westerns, it gets annoying hearing the Gun Smoke every morning!” I said leaning on the doorway to my parents den.
One thing about the den, you don’t sit on their furniture (even though they have a three person couch, a recliner, and a little bench thing underneath the window). I have learned with my Mother, and my Step-dad, you only tell them what they wanted to hear. You see about a year ago a virus hit our computer one night while I was IM’ing one my friends. Well after that they asked the question, “Tristan are you gay?”
That night, I had a lot of mixed emotions. I asked myself questions like oh poop, they found out didn’t they, or how am I going to cover this one up. If you haven’t guessed yet, I am a teen dealing with being homosexual in today’s society. Yeah, another gay teen I suppose, but I would like to tell you the story before I went to school, and what happened during my summer.
It was the end of my junior year and summer was finally, and we were getting new neighbors. We have known these people for years, and I hung out with them for a few months before school ended, and began to become infatuated with their eldest son, Todd. Yeah, it sucks, but I had to deal with it, because in a matter of minutes I seemed to be his older brother (he was two years younger then I) and his best friend, or so I thought. Todd was a younger boy, around the age of 14, he had blonde curly hair and blue eyes, his body was a mix between an athletic body, and a scrawny body. From what I hear he has always been physically fit. Ahh… at first he was my dream boy, he might have been younger, but he had everything I needed. Looks, compassion, love, he was funny, and awesome.
Since we became best of friends he didn’t want to leave my house one night, so I suggested the idea of him staying the night. Well, his Mother had no problem so he and his little brother Trae stayed the night. That night was a little odd for me, I didn’t know him well then, and my parents weren’t home. I began to notice then that I was falling for him, at that moment. I found myself continuously looking at him. I couldn’t help myself. I was in the presence of a hott 14 year old, and I could only imagine dating him. In between looking at him and making dinner I put in a movie for us all to watch and that is when I really began to find out what he was like. He would ask question every five minutes and I had to keep explaining things. I didn’t mind at times, but it did get annoying, but did I notice then? No I was infatuated, why would I?
Soon, I went to his house for the first time and his mom left me alone with him, and his younger brother. He was just a year younger then Todd, so they got along good at times that night, but also fought. So picture a living room, with a couch on three walls, and a fire place on the left over wall. One was sitting on one couch, and the other sitting on the other.
I sat closer to Todd, and I looked into his eyes and he in mine, and he asked me a question that I thought would never leave the lips of another male that I met (at least to me) “Ya wanna kiss?”
I was shocked personally, I almost said yes. I closed my eyes and sighed “What?” I replied.
Todd started laughing hysterically until he fell on the floor and laid his head on my knee “Oh, funny isn’t it!” he said looking at me, and he sat up “How about we play a little truth or dare?”
“Funny…” I said “Are you sure that you are capable of playing?”
“Sure I’ll go first.” Todd said smiling wildly.
“Trae!” he said loudly
“Shoot, dare” Trae said with no enthusiasm.
“I dare you to take a huge glob of gel, and mold your hair like Elvis Presley.”
Heavy on love, I thought that everything Todd said was funny, whether it be rude or not. I guess it was typical, I guess I proved to myself, I was falling in love with someone who is two to three years younger than me, and there was nothing I could do!
By the time the night was over, people were covered in multiple colors, and their head was stiff with gel. Their parents finally got home, and we were all asleep on the floor watching the movie “Baby Boy”
Since he was moving in next door, he would come over more and more often, and he would stay the weekend at my house, in my room, on my floor. We would have late night conversations, and we would talk about why exactly we hang out together. I remembered his exact response as if it were a few minutes ago…
“Your cool, you get me out of trouble, and you’re really nice, and you’re funny…” he said with a smile that made my heart melt.
“Well” I said as a matter a fact-ly “I like you because your pretty athletic, you get me outside, and your pretty easy going…”
Todd wasn’t all flowers and fun. He had his moments of evil-ness too. I had this strong suspicion that he liked me, and I thought I was right, but every time he would see a moderately pretty girl, he would breathe in with a deep sigh and say “Oooh yeah!”
That hit me hard every time he would do that. I felt betrayed, and I felt like he didn’t even know I was there and he wasn’t aware of my feelings. I would snap without thinking “Why do you keep saying those things!”
“Well, Tristan” Todd said with a smile “Don’t you think she is hott?”
Disgusted and shocked I looked at him with a fiery rage “No…” I said snapping and pausing to explain myself “I gave up dating girls, I feel it is too much drama for a high school student”
“What ever” he replied “You probably have a girlfriend right now!”
“Shut up!” I said almost in tears “I told you I don’t date girls!”
“Alright, alright, jeez will ya just calm down for a second, I didn’t mean to offend you… I see you can’t take a joke” “A joke…” I said in a low, and sad voice “No…” I said swallowing the large lump in my throat that began to swell. I felt tears begin to come to my eyes “I am a literalist, I take everything literally…” I realized what I did. I just set myself for him to realize that could potentially be gay. There is one thing you have to know, I am a horrible liar. I couldn’t tell a lie to save my life, but those words “I don’t date girls” flowed right out of my mouth like a waterfall. Those words were filled with rage, and hate. Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t particularly hate girls, I just don’t want to date them, be with them sexually, or emotionally. I actually have a best friend and she is a girl, but I could never date her.
People argue that being homosexual is wrong. I of course wasn’t shocked by this fact, but I was shocked that my own mother was appalled by the idea of someone being gay.
“Your Uncle was gay Tristan” My mother said in a low voice.
“Yeah, I know, he had AIDS too though didn’t he?” I asked quizzically, not knowing my uncle very well.
“Yes he did. He got that from a blood transfusion though honey… it wasn’t because he was gay” She looked at me and tears swelled up. “I miss him so much. He was my only full blooded brother!”
I didn’t know what to do. My mother was usually emotional, but my Uncles death never affected her this much.
“Gays” she said with hate “I don’t mind’em if they are outside the family…”
“What are you saying mother?” I asked feeling tension.
“What I am saying Tristan” she paused trying to figure out how to word it “Is that I don’t want any gays in my family. I don’t need that kind of shame brought here.”
My eyes widened with shock at the next sentence that left my mothers mouth. It is a sentence that no child should ever hear, it is a sentence so terrifying, so horrible that it is un-conceivable to human ears.
“Tristan” she said with a low and powerful voice “If I ever found out you were gay… So help me god. I brought you into this world I will take you OUT!”
“MOM STOP!” I yelled without thinking. “That… I mean… I was…” I sighed “I like my best friend, so don’t even think that I am gay… alright!”
“Good” she said with a hint of satisfaction.
“Mom…” I said low, and hurt “I think I am going to go, and lay down…” I left the kitchen and dragged my feet to my room. I fell down on my bed and looked at my ceiling fan. Is it just me? I asked myself. Am I the only one with this… problem? I thought about that question for a second. Being gay wasn’t a problem; it was how everyone else approached it. I began to feel tears swell in my eyes, and that lump returned from before. I flipped over and stuffed my head in a pillow, and cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up a few hours later, my stomach hurt, and I was in physical pain. I got up, and had the worst mood I ever had (it was like a male version of PMS). I entered the bathroom and noticed my reflection in the window. Slightly overweight, but still very attractive, though, the reflection can only show what I look like on the outside, it will never be able to show what I have to on the inside. So do I have to hide myself?
I jumped when I heard a loud knock.
“Who is it?” I said routinely
“It’s me, Todd, can I come in.”
“Todd? Why don’t you wait till I get out?” I said in reply
The door opened anyway, and he came in and closed the door.
“Tristan…” he said smiling
“What…” I said sighing. “Another one of your jokes?”
“No” he said quickly “You want to go swimming? You have a pool, and it is summer!”
“I guess so…” I said smiling. “Just let me get changed.”
“Oh” he said smiling “I will get changed with you!”
My heart stopped, changed with me? How can he get changed with me? He surely knows I am gay by now, and I can’t let him see me naked! That would be the highest of all evils! To let my crush see me with no clothes… but then again I thought.
“I guess so, I need to go get changed in my room.”
I left the bathroom, and he followed behind like an obedient dog. I closed my door, and went around my bed to my drawer and opened it finding a pair of brightly paired of swimming trunks. I looked over, and he wasn’t changed yet. I threw my shorts over my shoulder, and sat down on my bed.
Todd walked over and looked at me in the eyes. I was entranced by his good looks… kiss me…I though patiently waiting for it. He sat down next to and he put his hand on my knee. The touch of Todd, it was sweet, and serene, it sent waves of excitement through my body. An in-describable pleasure, something that sex could never achieve for me… it was love, the love for this guy, a guy named Todd. Then, the next hand touched the side of my cheek and he smiled, planting his lips on to mine.
The hairs on my neck stood up, and I just sat there. He pulled away quickly panting. He began to laugh nervously “I just kissed you…”
“Yeah… you did” I said shocked. “That was my first… and it was with you…”
Ignoring what I said he stripped down, and he stood there bare ass naked in front of me. He pulled his shorts up, and waited for me to get dressed “Well, I am dressed, why don’t you hurry up jeez… slow poke.”
The moment was over, the blissful sweet moment ended as quickly as it came. I went into my closest all shy like. “Sorry, but you ain’t seeing anything of mine… sorry!”
“What! You got to see me naked, I wanna see you!” Todd said in desperation from outside of my closet.
“What? You don’t want to see my ugly body…” I said taking off my previous clothing exposing everything.
He walked into the closest and stood there, looking at my nether regions.
I dropped my swimming clothes, and proceeded to cover everything. “What are you doing!” I screamed.
“What?” he said smiling devilishly “I was sneaking a peek…” he laughed as he left the room.
I quickly pulled up my swimming trunks and left my closet. “Thanks, thanks a lot Todd.” My face was red with embarrassment and I felt completely naked, even though I had swimming trunks on.
“Who cares, lets just go swimming…” Todd rolled his eyes, and grabbed my hand, dragging me out my back door. “Come on!” he said loudly and brought me to the deck of my pool.
It was a bright summer day, lots of dry heat, 90 degrees according to the thermometer outside our back door. Todd and I un-rolled the cover to my pool, and we got in.
The water was a refreshing delight. It was a way to get away from all the heat and tension from the inside of the house. I looked up at the trees to the side of my house, and watched the light trickle through the gaps. My blissful moment though was interrupted as a splash of cool water hit my face. “Hey!” I said loudly “Whatcha do that for?”
“What?” Todd said smiling “It is just water… are you afraid?” he sounded like one of those little kids that shrug their shoulders, and shake their head… you could just tell he was teasing you.
I have been swimming since I was three years old, so I would consider myself a fast swimmer. “You better watch out…” I dove under water, and with in a matter of seconds Todd was in my grasp. I lifted him out of the water (this was possibly due to the fact he was a lot lighter than I) and held him there.
Todd laughed un-controllably, as I threw him into the air, and he hit the water, and went under. He came back up and wiped his face “That was so fun! Do it again!”
“Again?” I said sighing “Simple things really do amuse you don’t they?” I said with a sarcastic tone.
I lifted him once again, but grabbing his hips, and set him on my shoulder. I placed my hand on his buttocks and shot-putted him into the air.
Todd kicked his feet, and let out a girlish scream as he hit the water and went under once again. He came back up quickly and wiped his face… yet again.
“Yo! Tristan, look out!” He drew back his arm, and splashed me again in the face.
I closed my eyes, and tried getting the water, and exhausted from throwing him. I just rubbed my eyes. I stopped as I felt the same soft touch on my lips as I did in my room.
I opened my eyes quickly, and I stared into his eyes. “You did it again…” I said panting. It was just a short kiss, but even the shortest of kisses will take my breath away when I am in love.
“I love you” Todd said embracing me in his arms.
I was limp. What do I say…raced through my head a million times a second. That moment, made my heart race with fear and excitement.
Finally coming to a decision I wrapped my arms around Todd, and just laid my head down on his shoulder. “Okay” I said smiling.
I felt really happy, full of excitement when I heard those words. He loved me…I thought someone actually loves me…. Though the feeling left quickly but, do I love him? That’s the real question. I let go and looked into his eyes “I think that we should get out, I am starting to get cold”
“Me too” he said laughing nervously.
We left the pool, and headed back to my room. I just threw a shirt on, and left my wet shorts on. “So what was that back there?” I was still in disbelief I had to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. Everything that happened seemed so un-real, so un-believable I had to double check with myself.
“Can we not talk about it? Can we just let it go along as it is…” Todd said in a low voice.
“Whats wrong?” I said smiling “What did I do?”
“I am not freaking gay!” He said smiling.
My emotions rose to a boiling anger. I was very, very angry to put it in a good sense. “What! What the heck are you talking about!” I left the room slamming my door.
“God!” he screamed “It was a joke, can’t you take a joke.”
“Didn’t I tell you Todd, I am a literalist!” I said angrily.
I sat down on the bed next to Todd and I looked at him. “Why would you say something like that? After all that, you would say something just like that…”
“I don’t know…” he said, when you knew full-blown that he knew exactly why he said it.
“Oh, I am sure.” I said pissed off. “I am also sure that you didn’t know what you were doing back there, when you kissed me!”
He looked away from me with a guilty face.
“Todd! We gotta go!”
Todd’s mother said from the outside of my door.
“Coming…” he said. He got up and left, and looked at me with a glare and left my room.
I sneered back and watched him leave. My emotions changed as he left though, not the same I had. Instead of anger it was an over-whelming sadness. I shouldn’t have blown up like that I thought to myself. I shook my head, I wasn’t in the wrong, he was, he was the one who decided to make that comment to me, but why? Why would he say such a stupid comment to me anyway? Then, at that moment I began to figure it out. He was scared, I mean why wouldn’t he be scared? Being gay… it isn’t easy at all, you have to live in constant seclusion, you are distant from most other males (which are predominately straight) in fear that you are going to be beaten to a bloody pulp.
Then there is always the issue of your family finding out exactly what is going on in your love life. Being gay only defines part of who you are, not your whole as a being. Yet, even though it is only a small part of your life, it is blown to an astronomical proportion. It is blown up like a balloon until the tension gets so big, it just explodes with hate and anger from society. Even the slightest abnormality is bad in society’s eyes. It isn’t just homosexuality! There are so many minorities, and then minorities within those minorities! It makes me want to rip the skin out from around my eyeballs and scream until my vocal cords bleed from intense vibrating.
I walked up the hill to see Todd. I knock on the door, and a woman of 29 answers the door, she has red and extremely curly-frizzy hair, which not put up forms a fro “Hey sweety! How are you doing, my future husband”
“Hey Todd’s mother, No I can’t marry you! Then I would have to have multiple wives!” I feel really guilty at this point, I know she knows I am gay, and we joke like this a lot, but I can’t tell her I am in love with her son. That would just crush her! She absolutely loves me, and we hang out and talk, but if she ever found out then it would definitely be the death of me. “Todd here?” I said smiling.
“Yeah, he is in his room, oh and next time you come over you don’t have to knock at all… your family.”
It struck me deep “Thanks” I said sliding past her. I was familiar with the house, they bought our old house just up the old house, and I knew my way around this house pretty well, considering I lived in it for 14 years.
I knocked on Todd’s door and smiled he was laying on the bed “Hey…”
“Hi” he said not looking.
I sat on the edge of his bed. Oh no I thought he absolutely hates me I ruined my first relationship in five minutes.
Todd turned his body so his head would rest on my lap “I’m sorry” he said grabbing my hand holding it close to his face. “Your mine and no one will take you away.”
I had an adrenalin rush, my hairs stood on end. That’s all I wanted from anyone a need of acceptance, and a need for truth. I wanted to know I had to be there for someone, and the feeling that they needed me, and no one else. “No, no one will take me away” I replied gripping his hand tighter.
A little later Todd asked me to stay the night, and I said I would have to ask my mother. I walked down to the house, and I asked my mother, of course it was a little bit of hassle.
“You are never home as it is, I think you just need to stay home, and not to intrude on the neighbors!”
“Mom, calm down, they don’t’ care if I come up to stay the night, they are the ones who asked me!” After a few moments of staring each other in the eye, she finally gave in, and let me stay the night.
It was pitch black and we were back in Todd’s room. He had one bed and I sat on the very edge. Todd stood in front of me and pushed me, and I fell backwards laughing. He crawled on top of me, and began kissing me. I mumbled the words to stop, but he didn’t understand, and he continued on, and all I could do was to succumb to his whim.
Sure I was strong enough to resist, but what if I got him mad and he began to run his mouth about what happened, turn the story around so I was the bad guy! He finished soon, and he got dressed “I am tired, I am going to bed, and you can sleep on the floor”
Emotions rose again. I had just been used, used by someone who was younger then me, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I went to the bathroom, and I was on my knees in front of the toilet, releasing my evenings earlier dinner. That bastard I thought, he should rot in hell… I was so angry. Why did he do this too me? He is just an asshole, and self centered ass, who needs to die.
I left the bathroom, and my the back of my throat burned from the acid from my stomach. I laid down on the couch in the living room, and hoped for the best. I cried, and cried all that night. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have done anything I should’ve just stayed home, and listened to my mother. No I was stupid that is what I was stupid and arrogant to the bone.
I left that house early that morning crying. I found our house key, and entered our own home, and laid down in my bed and curled up and fell asleep. I woke up to the smell of breakfast being made by my mother. I left my room, and entered the kitchen “Hmm… smells good!” I said
“Jeez!” my mother jumped “You scared me half to death, what are you doing home?”
“Uh… well I uh, just wanted to be home, because I thought about what you said.”
After that night, I didn’t speak to Todd at all, and I forbid him to come down to my house. He claimed he didn’t know what was going on, but I didn’t want him around.
My mother found out I was gay, and not much happened. Actually, she just said a fully complete sentence of nothing but swear words, and random “How could you!” placed every now and then.
She calmed down after a while, and I think that it went well. I am still alive after all.
I guess being out, made me feel a lot of better. Around everyone, there is still that subtle tension, but I can finally be myself. I can finally be me around the people I love.
The summer trudges rather slowly dragging on and on. I have to start drivers ed soon (the joy), and get a license so my mom can have me take daily trips to the store downtown to pick up random items she forgets.
I have to get up early, and usual “Rise and Shine” could be heard escaping my step-fathers lips. I roll lazily out of bed
“Not only does school start early, so does my summer….” This sucks I thought to myself.
My mother is up and does her morning ritual and gives my step-father a kiss, and he leaves, and then my mother and I climb in the car and drive on downtown. We make it to the firehall (where class is held). We started off with a droned like voice going on and on about “no second chance” it echoes in the heads of many teenagers for six weeks straight. I am surprised that no one goes mentally insane by hearing the same words every single day, but I guess it lowers the insurance.
I try and not reflect back on the day my first kiss was more or less stolen from someone who doesn’t know who the hell he is. Todd, the name causes my ears to bleed and my stomach to curl, but why am I still thinking of him? I can’t shake it out of my head, he means, or used to mean something to me for a while. Yeah, tears were shed for him, and that was a mistake… I have to see him every day of the year. He is, after, all my neighbor.
(Okay, so yeah, right me and tell me what you think)
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