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Post by Loogs on Apr 10, 2006 20:53:25 GMT -5
Steph finally got off her lazy ass long enough to come up with the creativity to start Fyhtanan Story. WARNING: At first, the chapters will be shortish and seemingly have nothing to do with current Hector Cruz, but... Just keep with me. And don't complain about chapter length. Here goes. ----------------------------- Prologue “Boys? Can you come here for a minute?” Matthias Valentine and his two roommates climbed off of their messy beds to go greet Marilyn, the kind counselor. Her appearance was the same as it usually was: a round, bright face topped with bouncy, curly red hair, bright green eyes that were always full of love, and a warm, welcoming smile. However, today there was something different about her. Today, she had a young boy with her. The boy clung to Marilyn’s arm like super glue, and tried to hide behind her. Matthias immediately noticed the boy’s frightened expression, partially hidden by long, concealing curtains of dark brown hair. “I’d like to introduce you to Hector Cruz.”
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Post by Loogs on Apr 10, 2006 20:54:55 GMT -5
Chapter I Matthias rested his arms and head upon the balcony’s metal guardrail, looking out beyond Sundew Town and over to the grand city of Atlanta to the west of Sundew Town. He sighed deeply, and ruffled his dirty blonde hair. Today would be his thirteenth birthday, but no one would care except Hector and himself. Matthias thought for a moment about Hector. Where was he, anyway…? The door swung open all of a sudden, and Hector rushed into the room, a raggedy blue backpack still hanging from his little shoulder, a chocolate cupcake in his hand. A red candle, still unlit, was firmly in place in the inexact center of the cupcake. Hector threw his backpack onto his bed and sprinted onto the balcony to hand Matthias the cupcake. “This for me, buddy?” Matthias inquired. He accepted the treat and dipped his finger into the frosting, then pulled it out and licked off the residue. “Yep. Happy birthday, Matthias!” Hector grinned as Matthias split the cupcake in two, pulled the candle out of his half, and gave the other half to his friend. The two boys devoured the cupcake, and gazed at the sky together. “Oh! I almost forgot!” Hector ran back into the room and rummaged through the contents of his backpack, until he finally produced a pair of new, silver headphones. He gingerly untangled the cable, walked back outside in the balcony, and handed them to Matthias. Matthias slipped the headphones over his ears, and went to go retrieve his CD player. Once he had his CD player in his hands, Matthias stayed in the room and called Hector over. “Thanks for the headphones,” he said. Then, Matthias found his old, broken headphones, which had one speaker that wasn’t functional, and tossed them into the wastebasket. “When’s your tenth birthday again?” “July. July 15th.” Matthias nodded, and then walked back to the balcony. Night was approaching, and the unusually warm October breeze had become a little cooler. The moon tried its best to shine through the foggy clouds, but there were no stars in the sky. Instead, the dazzling lights of Atlanta illuminated the night. Snakes of brilliant, multicolored neon winded through the buildings, and hundreds of cars honked throughout the busy streets. He stared beyond Atlanta, and muttered softly, “Hey, Hector, have you ever been to the ocean?” “Nope,” Hector responded. “My parents never took me…” Matthias simply remained in a trance, reflecting on Hector’s answer. After about a moment’s long silence, he turned to Hector and said, “Someday you’ll get to go. Someday.”
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Post by Tout-Perd on Apr 10, 2006 21:15:15 GMT -5
So far, a touching tale about the youth of ORP's poster (no pun intended) child. It allows us to see exactly what makes him tick, and helps define who he is today. 95/100
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Post by Beelzebibble on Apr 11, 2006 5:41:22 GMT -5
FUTURE POHATU SEZ: Too many paragraphs of criticism here. Saved the page if anyone cares.
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Post by Loogs on Apr 11, 2006 19:27:11 GMT -5
I was expecting that. Yes, I'm currently writing Chapter II (Fyhtanan Story's being handwitten in my notebook ^-^) and it'll either be that one or Chapter III that explains how Hector and Matthias bonded and how the other two roomates give them problems. Problem is, I'm writing FS at school and I only get one or two free periods... And then I have to transfer it over to Word. So you can see the difficulty I'm having here. But thanks for the compliments, people. ^-^
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Post by notbanned on Apr 12, 2006 9:14:36 GMT -5
I was expecting that. Yes, I'm currently writing Chapter II (Fyhtanan Story's being handwitten in my notebook ^-^) and it'll either be that one or Chapter III that explains how Hector and Matthias bonded and how the other two roomates give them problems. Problem is, I'm writing FS at school and I only get one or two free periods... And then I have to transfer it over to Word. So you can see the difficulty I'm having here. But thanks for the compliments, people. ^-^ You get free periods? o.O I'm liking the story so far, it does give a clear idea of Hector's younger life.
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Post by praetoritevong on Apr 21, 2006 19:49:28 GMT -5
We only get free periods in 12th Grade. -_-" My birthday's one day before, 14th July Anyway. Nice start, it does give good insight into his past. And it's a good thing I just decided to go up and read pohatu's comments, because that's basically along the lines of what I was gonna say. So I won't waste time and just say good start.
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Post by Loogs on Jul 6, 2006 14:17:51 GMT -5
During the day, Atlanta sheds its brilliant coat of lights. It becomes obvious that it is an overpopulated, noisy place to live. However marvelous Atlanta was from afar at night, it was just plain ugly up close.
Matthias led Hector by the hand through the streets of the outskirts of Atlanta, where the border between it and Sundew Town lay. It wasn’t as busy as central Atlanta or anywhere else, but it still had some activity. Tourists and natives alike hustled in and out of stores. Street vendors spread out their merchandise in a not-so-organized manner over portable tables and big sheets of cloth. The two boys casually strode down the sidewalk and paused in front of an ice cream truck. Its lively, tintinnabulous jingle filled the crisp, April air, beckoning children and parents searching for a frosty dessert.
They patiently stood in line, waiting for everyone else in front of them to purchase their ice cream. When it was their turn, Matthias faced the ice cream vendor and declared, “We’d like two chocolate ice cream cones, please.”
The ice cream vendor obediently fetched two cones. “With or without sprinkles?”
“With sprinkles, please!” Hector piped up.
The ice cream vendor took the cones, placed them under the machine’s nozzles, and poured swirls of chocolate ice cream into the cones. Then, he scattered multicolored sprinkles all over the ice cream, so that now it has a thin coat of sweet sprinkles.
“Here ya go, kids!” the man cheerfully said, handing Matthias and Hector their cones with a smile on his face. The two happily started eating, licking the sprinkles off their ice cream. Matthias ate slowly and in a way, methodically, but Hector ate so eagerly and sloppily that he got ice cream and sprinkles all over his face.
“Hector, you have ice cream all over your face. May we have some napkins?” Matthias politely asked. The ice cream vendor relinquished a handful of clean napkins. Matthias then produced two wrinkled dollar bills and paid the friendly man for the ice cream. The friends continued on their trip around town, expertly window-shopping and waving at passersby when they sat on a bench to rest their weary legs.
Along the way, Matthias suddenly stopped beside a small craft shop. He wandered inside with Hector, admiring the various art projects positioned in rows on shelves. They were curious about the different fabrics, wood, and odds and ends. Hector was especially interested in a carved phoenix skillfully painted with shimmering gold and red paint. The phoenix had its wings spread, and its beak was pointing to the ceiling.
“Pretty bird, isn’t it?”
Hector gasped and jumped in a startled manner. A man, tall and lanky, with pince-nez clasped to his nose bridge and his long auburn hair tied back in a ponytail, smiled good-naturedly and ruffled the boy’s messy hair. “Carved it myself out of a big chunk of wood. You like it?”
“Yeah, it’s really awesome!”
“Spent a lot of my time on it, too. What’s your name, kid?”
“I’m Hector.”
“Hector, eh?” The man rubbed his chin, then turned his head and glanced at Matthias. “That’s your brother over there?”
“Nope, he’s my friend. I hope that he’ll be my big brother someday!” Hector squealed.
The man was confused. “What do you mean by that?”
“Oh. We live in a foster home. We want to be adopted together by somebody someday.” Hector fiddled around with a bucket full of colorful cotton balls, grabbing a handful then throwing them back into the bucket.
“Ah. Ok. Well, erm…. Look around, I guess.” The artist walked back to his counter. Hector walked over to Matthias, who had two seashells in his palm. The shells had a small hole cut into them, through which a piece of silver yarn was threaded to make a necklace. One shell was a small, white conch shell, and the other one was a speckled brown wentletrap.
“Which one do you want, Hec?” Matthias questioned. "The brown one!"
NOT DONE YET, BUT I WILL BE SOON. >_>
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