Post by Loogs on Jan 25, 2011 20:55:06 GMT -5
It is now the (I believe) sixth anniversary of In A Moment, my very first venture into original fiction. To celebrate this momentous occasion, I give you this. Enjoy.[/b][/color]
CHAPTER 1: The Sun Always Sets Early Inside My Heart
...Oh god what have I gotten myself into. Did you guys actually read this or did you smile and nod and give me asspats instead to seem polite?
Kelmie Town was greeted warmly by the sun as it rose to bathe the town with its shining, yellow rays. Everyone instantly woke up and walked outside to welcome the sun. Children laughed, their parents smiled, and just about everyone was happy that it was a brand new day.
Damn straight you should. There are sunshine-less children in Siberia, you know.
Everyone except one lone girl. oh boy here we go. Deep breath, everyone.
Seraphina MARY SUE[/b] Tamarajii was still asleep, long after the sun had risen.
as far as self-inserts go, seems nothing has changed much so far.[/color]
Finally losing her patience, Seraphina's strict mother stormed up to her ocean-themed room to wake her up. An egg-covered spatula was in her hand as she violently shook the girl with the other.
"SERAPHINA!!!" she screeched, with her crow-like voice. "WAKE UP, OR YOU'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!!!" You know. Like a GOOD mother would. Except maybe without all the screeching. It's hard enough waking up at Ass O'Clock.[/color]
The young, shoulder-length-haired, blue-eyed, tall-for-her-age 12-year old
that's not Mary Sue-ish at all! Man, the description format here is awful. What the hell?[/color]
got up reluctantly, then she quickly took a 5-minute shower,
Note to Past Lugiasian: SHOWERS LAST TEN MINUTES TOPS. AND THAT'S WITHOUT SHAMPOO.[/color]
and got dressed. She grumbled to herself as she walked down the stairs to the dining room. Her single braid was swaying back and forth in unison with her huffs of breath.
I'd just like to clarify for everyone that when I wrote this, I meant like a... like a Yuna-style braid. I've tried it, and it's actually kind of cute, but still, it's incredibly Sue-ish.
"Stupid, lousy, rotten new day...."
wahhhh angsty angsty angst angst[/color]
she kept muttering as she took her seat to eat her daily breakfast. Seraphina picked up her fork, and with a disgusted, grumpy look still on her face, shoved egg and bacon into her mouth.
MAN STOP COMPLAINING. I would kill to have my mom make me eggs and bacon every morning before school. Instead I am greeted every morning by a cold bowl of cereal and the reality of a busy single mother who has no time to be a parent. God Past!Loogs, you have no clue do you.[/color]
Her mother gave her a dirty look, but Seraphina did not care. Look at you don't you think you're just so tough.[/color]
"Seraphina, I want you to go to school HAPPY, as well as on time,"
OH MY GOD YOU KNOW I WOULD KILL FOR MY MOTHER TO--you know what, forget it. You can't even hear me after all. You're just a concept. A very angsty, whiny concept.[/color]
she scorned. Her mother tapped on Seraphina's plate angrily and annoyingly as Seraphina forced the last bite of bacon into her mouth. She downed her chocolate milk
Man, chocolate milk too? godDAMN you have it made![/color]
in one gulp as she slung her heavy, blue backpack over one of her shoulders. Without even saying goodbye to her mother, she walked out the door, her back hunched over.
You know, I hear that causes scoliosis. Now THERE'S a reason to whine and angst.[/color]
She knew that this was going to be another worthless, hurtful day.
bawwwwww[/color]
Halfway down the street, Seraphina came across two very popular girls talking to each other, who just lived to tease and make fun of Seraphina.
Well aren't YOU just so special! Personalized bullying! Back in my day I was just Client #467 in their busy busy bullying day. If I was lucky some days the line was short and I got it over with earlier.[/color]
She turned around to walk to school another way, but the girls had already spotted their target.
"Oh, look, it's the freakazoid!!" the girls taunted, pointing and jeering at her.
What is this, middle sch--oh, right.[/color]
Seraphina knew that there was no avoiding them now, so she simply turned around again and continued her previous path. However, as soon as she passed the girls without even looking at them, the two fiends pushed her forwards together, causing Seraphina to fall face-first into the sidewalk.
Shit, shoulda seen that coming you stupid bitch god why are you so stupid.[/color]
The young girl would have broken her nose if she didn't stop her face from smashing into the cement with her hands.
"Later, Strangeafreaka," they both yelled out, throwing a paper wad at her head. Seraphina sighed deeply as she got up; it seemed like she was all alone in the world and nobody understood her.
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN[/b][/color]
No one understood that she liked to write dark poetry.
THES WOUUUUUUUUUUNDS THEY WIIIIIIIIIIIIILL NOT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLLLLLLL[/color]
No one understood that she preferred to stay at home drawing or writing than going to a wild party.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR IS HOOOOOOOOOOOOW I FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL[/color]
No one fully understood Seraphina Tamarajii.
CONFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSING WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IS REEEEEEEEEEEEEAL[/b][/color]
When she got to school, she had to bang on the locked doors with her fists before someone opened. "You're late," the janitor said as Seraphina zoomed past him, ignoring his comment. She raced up two flights of stairs, and dashed across a corridor until she opened the door to her 7th grade classroom.
"This is the fifth time you've come late to class this week, Seraphina," her teacher scowled, marking something in her attendance book.
you lazy bitch[/color]
Seraphina ignored all the snickers and giggles from her class as she took her seat, awaiting the teacher's instructions.
The day basically passed by painfully slowly, with schoolmates poking fun at Seraphina,
maybe it's because you're an emo weeaboo retard![/color]
and the young girl ignoring them all patiently.
At least you have serenity. I guess.[/color]
She never had the courage to speak up, as she was accustomed to being very shy and quiet. Afraid that the girls would come back for another round, Seraphina took a more abandoned road home, running all the way.
at least you're smart enough to do that I mean GOD.[/color]
She got home all out of breath, where she was greeted by her mother in a friendlier matter than that morning. "How was school today, Sera?" she asked kindly, as she removed Seraphina's heavy bookbag from her back. Seraphina sniffed the aroma of fresh ramen noodles,
Ramen sucks, you weeaboo loser! The fuck is my bacon you thoughtful bitch?[/color]
waiting for her on the stove, as she suddenly became aware of her mother's question.
"Oh, it was great, Mom," she said thoughtlessy, the only concern in her head at the moment being her lunch. Seraphina hungrily wolfed down her noodles, as her lunch was forcefully taken away from her by one of her thousands of enemies.
that's kind of excessive. Are you sure you're not a very clever parody, Sera? I kind of wish you were. Then I would be a genius.[/color]
Her mother had become aware of her daughter coming home every day starving, so she always had a cup of ramen noodles ready for her when she came home.
Seraphina went upstairs to her room and finished her homework fairly quickly, as she was extremely smart and this sort of work never appeared difficult to her.
SUPAH SPESHUL MARY SUE TIME[/color]
After she finished, Seraphina took out a purple journal from a secret compatment in her dest and grabbed a matching pen. She flipped open the journal and turned to an empty page. The young girl marked down the date, and began to write a poem:
Hold on to your lunch, everyone:[/color]
"One day her inner strength shall be recognized
Her voice shall be heard over the crowds
Her overlooked talent shall be considered
And the world will regret
Ever putting her down
For she has the strength
And the power
To one day change the world....for the better."
WHAT THE fuck WAS THAT, SERAPHINA. THAT WAS TERRIBLE YOU STUPID SHITTY POET YOU SUCK WHY DO YOU SUCK SO HARD YOU STUPID HORSESHIT EXCUSE FOR A MARY SUE WHY DO YOU EXIST ahem.[/color]
God, what the hell? That was awful! I can't believe I actually thought this was great! Here's some of the 'rave reviews' I got:
pohatufan1returns: Yay! Can't wait to see the next... what is it... ten chapters you've written so far?... on the new boards.
Hotaru_Tomoe: Huzzah! I knew you'd type it up sooner or later. Anyways, I like how you wrote the chapter. I hope the rest of the chapters are as good as I remember them!
TheDarkSoul: ur a good writer...i would never like reading this kinda stuf...but for some reason im hooked on this...
some good stuff u got here
Baboon: It's interesting. ;-p Reading things does not typically keep me interested, yet this does. Sorry for not being descriptive, but it's 10 pm and my mind isn't working right. lol
You HAD to have been laughing at me all along. There is NO WAY you guys could have though this rancid piece of 'literary' shit was in any way good or interesting. Why didn't you guys just tell me it was shit? This was some kind of running joke, wasn't it?
You fucking bastards.[/color]
And if you guys want to read something that isn't complete Mary Sue horseshit, make sure to read about the adventures of Pleiades and Dimitri in Graveyard Blues, coming in February 2011! I promise it will contain at least 85% less bad poetry!
CHAPTER 1: The Sun Always Sets Early Inside My Heart
...Oh god what have I gotten myself into. Did you guys actually read this or did you smile and nod and give me asspats instead to seem polite?
Kelmie Town was greeted warmly by the sun as it rose to bathe the town with its shining, yellow rays. Everyone instantly woke up and walked outside to welcome the sun. Children laughed, their parents smiled, and just about everyone was happy that it was a brand new day.
Damn straight you should. There are sunshine-less children in Siberia, you know.
Everyone except one lone girl. oh boy here we go. Deep breath, everyone.
as far as self-inserts go, seems nothing has changed much so far.[/color]
Finally losing her patience, Seraphina's strict mother stormed up to her ocean-themed room to wake her up. An egg-covered spatula was in her hand as she violently shook the girl with the other.
"SERAPHINA!!!" she screeched, with her crow-like voice. "WAKE UP, OR YOU'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!!!" You know. Like a GOOD mother would. Except maybe without all the screeching. It's hard enough waking up at Ass O'Clock.[/color]
The young, shoulder-length-haired, blue-eyed, tall-for-her-age 12-year old
that's not Mary Sue-ish at all! Man, the description format here is awful. What the hell?[/color]
got up reluctantly, then she quickly took a 5-minute shower,
Note to Past Lugiasian: SHOWERS LAST TEN MINUTES TOPS. AND THAT'S WITHOUT SHAMPOO.[/color]
and got dressed. She grumbled to herself as she walked down the stairs to the dining room. Her single braid was swaying back and forth in unison with her huffs of breath.
I'd just like to clarify for everyone that when I wrote this, I meant like a... like a Yuna-style braid. I've tried it, and it's actually kind of cute, but still, it's incredibly Sue-ish.
"Stupid, lousy, rotten new day...."
wahhhh angsty angsty angst angst[/color]
she kept muttering as she took her seat to eat her daily breakfast. Seraphina picked up her fork, and with a disgusted, grumpy look still on her face, shoved egg and bacon into her mouth.
MAN STOP COMPLAINING. I would kill to have my mom make me eggs and bacon every morning before school. Instead I am greeted every morning by a cold bowl of cereal and the reality of a busy single mother who has no time to be a parent. God Past!Loogs, you have no clue do you.[/color]
Her mother gave her a dirty look, but Seraphina did not care. Look at you don't you think you're just so tough.[/color]
"Seraphina, I want you to go to school HAPPY, as well as on time,"
OH MY GOD YOU KNOW I WOULD KILL FOR MY MOTHER TO--you know what, forget it. You can't even hear me after all. You're just a concept. A very angsty, whiny concept.[/color]
she scorned. Her mother tapped on Seraphina's plate angrily and annoyingly as Seraphina forced the last bite of bacon into her mouth. She downed her chocolate milk
Man, chocolate milk too? godDAMN you have it made![/color]
in one gulp as she slung her heavy, blue backpack over one of her shoulders. Without even saying goodbye to her mother, she walked out the door, her back hunched over.
You know, I hear that causes scoliosis. Now THERE'S a reason to whine and angst.[/color]
She knew that this was going to be another worthless, hurtful day.
bawwwwww[/color]
Halfway down the street, Seraphina came across two very popular girls talking to each other, who just lived to tease and make fun of Seraphina.
Well aren't YOU just so special! Personalized bullying! Back in my day I was just Client #467 in their busy busy bullying day. If I was lucky some days the line was short and I got it over with earlier.[/color]
She turned around to walk to school another way, but the girls had already spotted their target.
"Oh, look, it's the freakazoid!!" the girls taunted, pointing and jeering at her.
What is this, middle sch--oh, right.[/color]
Seraphina knew that there was no avoiding them now, so she simply turned around again and continued her previous path. However, as soon as she passed the girls without even looking at them, the two fiends pushed her forwards together, causing Seraphina to fall face-first into the sidewalk.
Shit, shoulda seen that coming you stupid bitch god why are you so stupid.[/color]
The young girl would have broken her nose if she didn't stop her face from smashing into the cement with her hands.
"Later, Strangeafreaka," they both yelled out, throwing a paper wad at her head. Seraphina sighed deeply as she got up; it seemed like she was all alone in the world and nobody understood her.
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN[/b][/color]
No one understood that she liked to write dark poetry.
THES WOUUUUUUUUUUNDS THEY WIIIIIIIIIIIIILL NOT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLLLLLLL[/color]
No one understood that she preferred to stay at home drawing or writing than going to a wild party.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR IS HOOOOOOOOOOOOW I FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL[/color]
No one fully understood Seraphina Tamarajii.
CONFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSING WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IS REEEEEEEEEEEEEAL[/b][/color]
When she got to school, she had to bang on the locked doors with her fists before someone opened. "You're late," the janitor said as Seraphina zoomed past him, ignoring his comment. She raced up two flights of stairs, and dashed across a corridor until she opened the door to her 7th grade classroom.
"This is the fifth time you've come late to class this week, Seraphina," her teacher scowled, marking something in her attendance book.
you lazy bitch[/color]
Seraphina ignored all the snickers and giggles from her class as she took her seat, awaiting the teacher's instructions.
The day basically passed by painfully slowly, with schoolmates poking fun at Seraphina,
maybe it's because you're an emo weeaboo retard![/color]
and the young girl ignoring them all patiently.
At least you have serenity. I guess.[/color]
She never had the courage to speak up, as she was accustomed to being very shy and quiet. Afraid that the girls would come back for another round, Seraphina took a more abandoned road home, running all the way.
at least you're smart enough to do that I mean GOD.[/color]
She got home all out of breath, where she was greeted by her mother in a friendlier matter than that morning. "How was school today, Sera?" she asked kindly, as she removed Seraphina's heavy bookbag from her back. Seraphina sniffed the aroma of fresh ramen noodles,
Ramen sucks, you weeaboo loser! The fuck is my bacon you thoughtful bitch?[/color]
waiting for her on the stove, as she suddenly became aware of her mother's question.
"Oh, it was great, Mom," she said thoughtlessy, the only concern in her head at the moment being her lunch. Seraphina hungrily wolfed down her noodles, as her lunch was forcefully taken away from her by one of her thousands of enemies.
that's kind of excessive. Are you sure you're not a very clever parody, Sera? I kind of wish you were. Then I would be a genius.[/color]
Her mother had become aware of her daughter coming home every day starving, so she always had a cup of ramen noodles ready for her when she came home.
Seraphina went upstairs to her room and finished her homework fairly quickly, as she was extremely smart and this sort of work never appeared difficult to her.
SUPAH SPESHUL MARY SUE TIME[/color]
After she finished, Seraphina took out a purple journal from a secret compatment in her dest and grabbed a matching pen. She flipped open the journal and turned to an empty page. The young girl marked down the date, and began to write a poem:
Hold on to your lunch, everyone:[/color]
"One day her inner strength shall be recognized
Her voice shall be heard over the crowds
Her overlooked talent shall be considered
And the world will regret
Ever putting her down
For she has the strength
And the power
To one day change the world....for the better."
WHAT THE fuck WAS THAT, SERAPHINA. THAT WAS TERRIBLE YOU STUPID SHITTY POET YOU SUCK WHY DO YOU SUCK SO HARD YOU STUPID HORSESHIT EXCUSE FOR A MARY SUE WHY DO YOU EXIST ahem.[/color]
God, what the hell? That was awful! I can't believe I actually thought this was great! Here's some of the 'rave reviews' I got:
pohatufan1returns: Yay! Can't wait to see the next... what is it... ten chapters you've written so far?... on the new boards.
Hotaru_Tomoe: Huzzah! I knew you'd type it up sooner or later. Anyways, I like how you wrote the chapter. I hope the rest of the chapters are as good as I remember them!
TheDarkSoul: ur a good writer...i would never like reading this kinda stuf...but for some reason im hooked on this...
some good stuff u got here
Baboon: It's interesting. ;-p Reading things does not typically keep me interested, yet this does. Sorry for not being descriptive, but it's 10 pm and my mind isn't working right. lol
You HAD to have been laughing at me all along. There is NO WAY you guys could have though this rancid piece of 'literary' shit was in any way good or interesting. Why didn't you guys just tell me it was shit? This was some kind of running joke, wasn't it?
You fucking bastards.[/color]
And if you guys want to read something that isn't complete Mary Sue horseshit, make sure to read about the adventures of Pleiades and Dimitri in Graveyard Blues, coming in February 2011! I promise it will contain at least 85% less bad poetry!