Post by Shrouded Wolf on Jan 20, 2009 7:22:51 GMT -5
Ok, this is something that me and my friend were doing for the hell of it on Facebook. Just decided to continue it here.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As the title of the note said, porn and hentai teach ignorant guys strange and unbelievable things about the <made-up> wonders of sex.
If you know ten or less, consider yourself a happy (yet naive man).
As for the girls, have a laugh about how stupid guys can be. How hentai authors can come up with this stuff is seriously amusing. So. Very. Unrealistic.
And yes. This is what sad, single males read or watch when they have a megaload of freetime. Boys are pure and innocent? I know of at least five million males who know these rules by heart (and can identify at least twenty hentai mangas or porn movies as evidence for some rules).
Funniest Comment Ever After Reading This:
"I have been enlightened." - In an awed tone.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. I've learned that it's always okay to ejaculate inside a girl because every day is a "safe day".
2. I've learned that you can cum 12 times and still be rock hard.
3. Explosively ejaculating a cup of semen is perfectly normal.
4. No girl really hates rape. They say no, but their vaginas say yes.
5. Recent research shows that there is more cum than blood in the male body.
6. Just smirking at a girl can make her wet enough to drown Michael Phelps.
7. Women always blush when fucking.
8. I learned that everyone is conveniently at least 19.
9. You can have sex anywhere and no one will notice you, unless you want them to.
10. It's always her first time.
11. Fucking your hot cocktease sister is 100% acceptable by society.
12. Breasts can grow up to 3 times their size in as short as one night's time.
13. She has always a sexy(er) friend you'll fuck just after her, and she will never know it, or if she knows it she'll want to participate.
14. I learned that ... nevermind.
15. A girl can live on cum alone.
16. That all girls, even if they're anal virgins, like getting done in the ass.
17. If she cries it's because she's so happy to finally have sex with you.
18. Girls always lactate, even if they're not pregnant.
19. Your mother, sister, girlfriend's best friend and girlfriend's mom all want to fuck you.
20. If you pretend to hide a boner from the hottest girl around you, she will find out somehow and have sex with you.
21. You have the longest, hardest dick in the world.
22. Everyone gets it right on the first time. The weakest, frailest old man has the stamina of a porn star.
23. There are no virgins. Even if the girl is a 8 years old loli, she knows what she's doing and there's no need to deflower her, the cock goes in pretty easy.
24. There are no such thing as STDs.
25. Having your cum come out as thick as mud is perfectly normal and healthy. Also, sometimes it glows too.
26. Having sex in a variety of unhealthy places - bathroom, outdoors, etc - is fine because bacteria and filth is not a factor.
27. Bondage ropes do not leave any marks.
28. Shrine women are usually possessed by demons looking for sex.
29. Even the most lame excuse or attempt at blackmail will get you pussy.
30. Japan is full of tentacles, no questions.
31. Your childhood friend is always the hottest, but you never notice it ... up until the point where her elaborate plan to force you into a compromising position, where you finally realize your feelings for her. And she's a virgin, but still knows how to fuck like a minx.
32. Cervix penetration is common and feels orgasmically good.
33. Every school is equipped with a conveniently placed, vacant classroom with soundproof walls.
34. At the first sign of a sexual overture, women become incredibly weak-willed and physically-feeble, and are incapable of resisting clothes-stripping and sex with anything more than tearful pleading.
35. If you make someone have an orgasm, they "belong" to you from there on out.
36. 99% of all monster attacks result in multiple orgasms for both the attacker(s) and victim(s). Injuries and death, however, are extremely rare.
37. Everyone gets laid. If you don't fuck, you get fucked. It doesn't matter if you're the chaste head cheerleader, the captain of the chess team, or the smelly bum at the train stop. Sex finds a way.
38. Every woman has a perfect body. Every man has a huge cock. Everyone is sexually compatible with everyone.
39. Teachers having sex with their students is a required part of math class, chemistry class, history class, gym class, music class, and lunch hour.
40. No man is ever too ugly to fuck, because no girl will ever pay attention to anything but his massive, hard-as-rock penis. (See rule 38)
41. There is no orifice that it isn't sexy to stick your penis into.
42. Cum will NEVER land anywhere but on or inside a woman's body. It will also never be rubbed off by sheets or other surfaces, unless it is being licked off by another woman.
43. No matter how much pain is evident on a woman's face, you should always keep going until she likes it (which she will).
44. There is never any orifice that is too small for your penis, no matter how huge your penis may be. (Expands on rule 41)
45. Even anemic little schoolboys can perform complex sexual maneuvers that require them to stand and hold aloft a woman twice their size to perfection, no matter how obviously underdeveloped their upper body is.
46. You will always cum at the same time as her, so don't worry about when you finish.
47. High school is when ALL the sex happens. From the opening ceremony to the bitter-sweet graduation, it is an orgy of carnal sin. (Arguable)
48. The cervix is just another hymen.
49. As a male, when you get married and are older than 30, work will instantly consume your life.
50. If enough semen is forced through her ass it'll evidently come out of her mouth and nose.
51. No matter how small her vagina or ass is there's always room for more than one cock.
52. When a family member finds your porn magazines, they are always under your bed. And then they have sex with you.
53. It is possible for a woman to support herself with her hands against a window or sliding glass door while simultaneously flattening her breasts against it.
54. Women can talk properly while having a huge cock stuffed into their mouth. (Proven to be false)
55. Girls randomly want to have sex with you badly.
56. No means means yes. Stop means harder.
57. The moments immediately following a love confession is sex. No exceptions.
58. People fall asleep half naked all over the place, and are ready and willing to have sex when woken.
59. If there are two characters who dislike each other, they will have sex. If there are two characters who hate each other, they will have sex. If there are two characters who, in a million years, would NEVER have sex, they will have sex. If two characters are simply friends, they will have sex. If one character is involved with another character, they will secretly want a third character, and will later have sex with that third character.
60. If there is a boy who is masturbating and he is caught by a girl, they will have sex.
61. If there is a girl who is masturbating, the boy will watch her and masturbate as well. The girl will later catch him and he will admit to watching her, and they will have sex.
62. Vaginas are bottomless pits. It doesn't matter if the female is 10 years old and the male has a horse penis, it will all fit inside.
63. Anal sex will often occur after vaginal sex, and will never require anything more than a few strokes in the girl's vagina for lubricant.
64. All bitchy girls will have a secret submissive side that will be brought out by the boy when he rapes her.
65. If there are multiple male characters, they will gangrape a bitchy girl, and she will enjoy it. If multiple male characters gangrape a shy girl, she will enjoy it and become a sex toy. If there is a catgirl in the series, she will have sex, and often.
66. Girls love the smell of a cock to the point where they have the uncontrollable urge to suck and taste it.
67. Women tend to state the obvious. i.e. "Your cock is inside of me!"
68. Having her uterus/intestine stretched to the point that the movement of the cock is visible from the outside is no reason for concern of seeing a doctor.
69. Semen will always feel hot on the female's skin or in her body, even though it is actually below core body temperature.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As the title of the note said, porn and hentai teach ignorant guys strange and unbelievable things about the <made-up> wonders of sex.
If you know ten or less, consider yourself a happy (yet naive man).
As for the girls, have a laugh about how stupid guys can be. How hentai authors can come up with this stuff is seriously amusing. So. Very. Unrealistic.
And yes. This is what sad, single males read or watch when they have a megaload of freetime. Boys are pure and innocent? I know of at least five million males who know these rules by heart (and can identify at least twenty hentai mangas or porn movies as evidence for some rules).
Funniest Comment Ever After Reading This:
"I have been enlightened." - In an awed tone.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. I've learned that it's always okay to ejaculate inside a girl because every day is a "safe day".
2. I've learned that you can cum 12 times and still be rock hard.
3. Explosively ejaculating a cup of semen is perfectly normal.
4. No girl really hates rape. They say no, but their vaginas say yes.
5. Recent research shows that there is more cum than blood in the male body.
6. Just smirking at a girl can make her wet enough to drown Michael Phelps.
7. Women always blush when fucking.
8. I learned that everyone is conveniently at least 19.
9. You can have sex anywhere and no one will notice you, unless you want them to.
10. It's always her first time.
11. Fucking your hot cocktease sister is 100% acceptable by society.
12. Breasts can grow up to 3 times their size in as short as one night's time.
13. She has always a sexy(er) friend you'll fuck just after her, and she will never know it, or if she knows it she'll want to participate.
14. I learned that ... nevermind.
15. A girl can live on cum alone.
16. That all girls, even if they're anal virgins, like getting done in the ass.
17. If she cries it's because she's so happy to finally have sex with you.
18. Girls always lactate, even if they're not pregnant.
19. Your mother, sister, girlfriend's best friend and girlfriend's mom all want to fuck you.
20. If you pretend to hide a boner from the hottest girl around you, she will find out somehow and have sex with you.
21. You have the longest, hardest dick in the world.
22. Everyone gets it right on the first time. The weakest, frailest old man has the stamina of a porn star.
23. There are no virgins. Even if the girl is a 8 years old loli, she knows what she's doing and there's no need to deflower her, the cock goes in pretty easy.
24. There are no such thing as STDs.
25. Having your cum come out as thick as mud is perfectly normal and healthy. Also, sometimes it glows too.
26. Having sex in a variety of unhealthy places - bathroom, outdoors, etc - is fine because bacteria and filth is not a factor.
27. Bondage ropes do not leave any marks.
28. Shrine women are usually possessed by demons looking for sex.
29. Even the most lame excuse or attempt at blackmail will get you pussy.
30. Japan is full of tentacles, no questions.
31. Your childhood friend is always the hottest, but you never notice it ... up until the point where her elaborate plan to force you into a compromising position, where you finally realize your feelings for her. And she's a virgin, but still knows how to fuck like a minx.
32. Cervix penetration is common and feels orgasmically good.
33. Every school is equipped with a conveniently placed, vacant classroom with soundproof walls.
34. At the first sign of a sexual overture, women become incredibly weak-willed and physically-feeble, and are incapable of resisting clothes-stripping and sex with anything more than tearful pleading.
35. If you make someone have an orgasm, they "belong" to you from there on out.
36. 99% of all monster attacks result in multiple orgasms for both the attacker(s) and victim(s). Injuries and death, however, are extremely rare.
37. Everyone gets laid. If you don't fuck, you get fucked. It doesn't matter if you're the chaste head cheerleader, the captain of the chess team, or the smelly bum at the train stop. Sex finds a way.
38. Every woman has a perfect body. Every man has a huge cock. Everyone is sexually compatible with everyone.
39. Teachers having sex with their students is a required part of math class, chemistry class, history class, gym class, music class, and lunch hour.
40. No man is ever too ugly to fuck, because no girl will ever pay attention to anything but his massive, hard-as-rock penis. (See rule 38)
41. There is no orifice that it isn't sexy to stick your penis into.
42. Cum will NEVER land anywhere but on or inside a woman's body. It will also never be rubbed off by sheets or other surfaces, unless it is being licked off by another woman.
43. No matter how much pain is evident on a woman's face, you should always keep going until she likes it (which she will).
44. There is never any orifice that is too small for your penis, no matter how huge your penis may be. (Expands on rule 41)
45. Even anemic little schoolboys can perform complex sexual maneuvers that require them to stand and hold aloft a woman twice their size to perfection, no matter how obviously underdeveloped their upper body is.
46. You will always cum at the same time as her, so don't worry about when you finish.
47. High school is when ALL the sex happens. From the opening ceremony to the bitter-sweet graduation, it is an orgy of carnal sin. (Arguable)
48. The cervix is just another hymen.
49. As a male, when you get married and are older than 30, work will instantly consume your life.
50. If enough semen is forced through her ass it'll evidently come out of her mouth and nose.
51. No matter how small her vagina or ass is there's always room for more than one cock.
52. When a family member finds your porn magazines, they are always under your bed. And then they have sex with you.
53. It is possible for a woman to support herself with her hands against a window or sliding glass door while simultaneously flattening her breasts against it.
54. Women can talk properly while having a huge cock stuffed into their mouth. (Proven to be false)
55. Girls randomly want to have sex with you badly.
56. No means means yes. Stop means harder.
57. The moments immediately following a love confession is sex. No exceptions.
58. People fall asleep half naked all over the place, and are ready and willing to have sex when woken.
59. If there are two characters who dislike each other, they will have sex. If there are two characters who hate each other, they will have sex. If there are two characters who, in a million years, would NEVER have sex, they will have sex. If two characters are simply friends, they will have sex. If one character is involved with another character, they will secretly want a third character, and will later have sex with that third character.
60. If there is a boy who is masturbating and he is caught by a girl, they will have sex.
61. If there is a girl who is masturbating, the boy will watch her and masturbate as well. The girl will later catch him and he will admit to watching her, and they will have sex.
62. Vaginas are bottomless pits. It doesn't matter if the female is 10 years old and the male has a horse penis, it will all fit inside.
63. Anal sex will often occur after vaginal sex, and will never require anything more than a few strokes in the girl's vagina for lubricant.
64. All bitchy girls will have a secret submissive side that will be brought out by the boy when he rapes her.
65. If there are multiple male characters, they will gangrape a bitchy girl, and she will enjoy it. If multiple male characters gangrape a shy girl, she will enjoy it and become a sex toy. If there is a catgirl in the series, she will have sex, and often.
66. Girls love the smell of a cock to the point where they have the uncontrollable urge to suck and taste it.
67. Women tend to state the obvious. i.e. "Your cock is inside of me!"
68. Having her uterus/intestine stretched to the point that the movement of the cock is visible from the outside is no reason for concern of seeing a doctor.
69. Semen will always feel hot on the female's skin or in her body, even though it is actually below core body temperature.