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Post by Beelzebibble on Jun 22, 2008 23:52:59 GMT -5
POHATLER TAKES OVER!
SELF-STYLED "MASTER MOD" DECLARES WAR ON ARCHIPELAGO EXODUS
FICTION AND POETRY BOARD FIRST TO FALL TO DICTATOR'S INVASION
ADMINISTRATORS TAKE EMERGENCY WAR MEASURES Archipelago Exodus was shocked this evening when militant president of Sniflheim, Pohatler, declared himself Dictator and set his formidable army upon the helpless board of Fiction and Poetry. Sparsely guarded by a meager volunteer army, the board was quickly overrun. Pohatler claimed it as Sniflish territory, and the dread flag of the once-peaceful Sniflheim now waves over Fiction and Poetry's expanse. Pohatler has warned that this is not the end. Indeed, under his tyrannical regime, the Sniflish army seems prepared to move upon other boards. All evidence suggests that the "Master Mod," as he calls himself, desires nothing less than control over the entire forum of Archipelago Exodus. A recently-received radio message from Pohatler contains threatening words to Lee Tupper, Baboon and Lugiasian. The administrators are now rallying support for what looks to be a heated battle between the forces of Archie Exie and Sniflheim. In this tense climate, one member is conspicuously absent. Famous wit Pohatu has deserted his home, and has not been seen since yesterday. Rumors fly that he has returned to Sniflheim, none other than his native land. However, if this is true, there is no evidence yet whether he intends to oppose or side with the enigmatic Pohatler. Following is a complete transcript of Pohatler's radio message. zzzzzzzzztt
beeeoooWOOOOOOoooWAAAAAAAoooozzzzzzzchkt"IS THIS ON YET? I CAN'T... IT'S ON? YOU'RE SURE? I... ALL RIGHT, I'M STARTING!
"GREETINGS, PUNY ARCHIPELAGO EXODUS! I, POHATLER, DER MASTER MOD, WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU MY WARMEST REGARDS, AND TO EXTEND TO YOU THE HAND OF FRIENDSHIP.
"FRIENDSHIP! JA! FOR ALTHOUGH I NOW HOLD YOUR DEFENSELESS FICTION AND POETRY BOARD IN MY CLUTCHES, AND ALTHOUGH MY SOLDIERS STAND POISED TO INVADE ANOTHER BOARD AT MY WORD, I TRULY MEAN YOU NO HARM.
"UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO BE A MEMBER OF THIS FORUM'S PITIFUL ADMINISTRATION. YES, YOU -- LEE TUPPER! AND LUGIASIAN! AND BABOON! YOUR REIGN OF APATHY OVER A BARREN LAND MUST CEASE. I WILL REACH YOU, ADMINS, AND WHEN YOU AND I MEET, THERE WILL BE BLOOD. I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I HAVE MADE ZER -- HOW YOU SAY -- 'SHISH KEBAB' OF YOUR HEADS!
"BUT YOU, O MODERATORS, AND COMMON CITIZENS OF THE EXODUS -- YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ME. I HAVE HEARD YOUR CRIES. I KNOW THE ADMINS LEAVE YOU WANTING MUCH FOR INTEREST AND ACTIVITY. I KNOW YOUR COMMUNITY LANGUISHES! I, POHATLER, DER MASTER MOD, SEEK ONLY TO GRANT YOU NEW LIVES -- WHEN ARCHIPELAGO EXODUS BECOMES A PROVINCE OF GREAT AND MIGHTY SNIFLHEIM!
"DO YOU CAST YOUR SWORDS WITH ME, CITIZENS? JOIN MY FORCES, AND YOU SHALL BE AS KINGS IN THIS RECREATED COUNTRY. STAND AGAINST ME, AND YOU SHALL MEET THE SAME FATE AS THE ADMINISTRATORS! CHOOSE WISELY!
"THERE IS NO ESCAPE! RESISTANCE IS WITHOUT USE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO DEFEAT ME! ALREADY I INFECT YOUR CHILDRENS' MINDS WITH SNIFLHEIM PROPAGANDA!"
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Post by ch00beh on Jun 23, 2008 13:44:52 GMT -5
Oh hai.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jun 23, 2008 23:17:36 GMT -5
CHOOBS DELIVERS PUBLIC ADDRESS
SECRETARY OF DEFENESTRATION SPEAKS OUT ON IMMINENT WAR
ENIGMATIC WORDS LEAVE LISTENERS PUZZLED
[/font] Rising quickly to take a stand on the approaching war between Pohatler, Dictator of Sniflheim, and the administrators of Archipelago Exodus, influential author and RPer ch00beh made a public address earlier today. He offered only one comment: Interpretations of this statement have been plentiful and varied. Some read it phonetically as the equivalent of "Oh hi", denoting nothing more than an acknowledgement of Pohatler's existence. Others have pointed out that hai is Japanese for "yes," indicating that Choobs may have been looking for a worldly way to express his approval of the conflict. Still others have suggested that since the Hai was an advanced model of the Marder-class midget submarines used by Germany in World War II, Choobs may in fact have been voicing his fear that Pohatler might bring such a weapon to bear against the forces of Archie Exie. Such an association, however, neglects the fact that the Hai prototype was ultimately deemed a failure and no more were produced. A typical Marder-class midget submarine. Possibly Choobs' single fear. [/size] It is the nation's hope that ch00beh will soon clarify his comment, whether to... Yes? I -- wait a moment. THIS JUST IN! Another radio message from Pohatler has been intercepted, and he brings dire news: zzzzzzzzztt
beeeoooWOOOOOOoooWAAAAAAAoooozzzzzzzchkt"HEH HEH HEH HEH! MY ARMY MOVES AGAIN! DER CORNER OF LANGUAGE IST NOW MINE TO COMMAND! YOU SHALL DO BEST TO ORGANIZE DEFENSE OF YOUR REMAINING BOARDS, ARCHIPELAGO EXODUS, FOR IF THEY ARE ALL AS EASY TO OVERRUN AS THESE TWO HAVE BEEN, I SHALL RULE DAS COUNTRY IN A WEEK!"
[/size]
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Post by bulbaboy on Jun 24, 2008 19:55:38 GMT -5
I am with Pohatler on this one.
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Post by kazkame on Jun 24, 2008 21:02:46 GMT -5
Prime Minister Kazkame of Paradyne Reacts to the Invasion of the poetry and Fiction Boards In a news conference this morning he stated "I do not condone this invasion of The poetry and fiction board by the forces of Sniflheim. He will try his best to help Archipelago Exodus in their battle with Pohatler and Sniflish army. He will begin by setting up a supply base in the Spriting, Art, and GIF Animation Board. He currently is in the works of creating A meeting between the sides."
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Post by Shrouded Wolf on Jun 24, 2008 21:29:54 GMT -5
Heh, lets see what you and your "army" can do pothatler. *washes blood off of favorite blades and gets them ready for killing*
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jun 24, 2008 21:39:43 GMT -5
THE BATTLE IS JOINED Pohatler and Buubs Hamun stand upon a tank to inspire their troops as they march upon the Gaming board.POHATLER APPOINTS WAR GENERAL BUUBS HAMUN AS AIDE-DE-CAMP [/font] ACE ATTORNEY KAZKAME FIRST VOICE OF RESISTANCE[/font][/center] The evening brought good news and bad for the residents of Archipelago Exodus. "Master Mod" Pohatler has been sighted advancing on the Gaming forum, joined by his recently appointed second-in-command, General Buubs Hamun. Many have noted a suspicious resemblance to absent (possibly kidnapped) forum fixture Bulbs, but any theories that they are in fact the same person were dispelled when an esteemed journalist pointed out that "the Sniflish guy is wearing a helmet." On Archie Exie's side, however, ace attorney Kazkame, a noted media pundit, has come down strongly against the invasion of the forum. Slayer, a recent immigrant to Archipelago Exodus, has also spoken out against Pohatler. Their heartfelt words are expected to rally more support to the administrators, although Kazkame's planned effort to organize a peaceful diplomatic meeting between Pohatler and the administrators seems unlikely to succeed in the present environment.
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Post by Shrouded Wolf on Jun 24, 2008 21:44:54 GMT -5
Hmmm, don't you worry, I "took care" of your army that you sent to invade the gaming boards. What a waste lives...
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Post by Shrouded Wolf on Jun 24, 2008 21:47:04 GMT -5
And trust me. Although I like killing using swords, I also have......... other means for keeping you in check.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jun 25, 2008 13:59:44 GMT -5
FIRST SKIRMISH ERUPTS ON THE GAMING BOARD KAZKAME OF PARADYNE LAUNCHES DARING COUNTERATTACK CIVILIANS FLEE AS POHATLER'S AND KAZKAME'S TROOPS OPEN FIRE[/center]
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Post by AngelicTragedy on Jun 25, 2008 20:45:20 GMT -5
ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!! Drakengrad's Emperor Valon Hirohito Pledges Loyality to Pohatler
Today we have recieved a message from the Emperor Valon Hirohito that states that he has given full support to Pohatler and his forces. We have an exclusive quotation from his message to the world.
"I hereby announce that the people of Drakengrad shall be on the ready to aid our allies from Sniflheim at a moments notice. We are a people of great honor and if nessary we shall kill ourselves to take the life of our enemies!
Beware the Kamekaze Drakens of our military. Long live POHATLER!!"
You heard it here first folks. Drakengrad has joined Snifheim in the seige on Archipelago Exodus. My God have mercy on our souls.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jun 25, 2008 22:08:17 GMT -5
"How goes der Battle in der Gamenboard, General Hamuussolini?" "It continues, sir. Our troops are greater in number and much better organized, but..." "Ja?" "Well, Kazkame's army possesses a much wider variety of weaponry. His soldiers are more versatile... If he outsmarts us, he could very possibly scrape victory in this skirmish." "Ach, das cannot be so!" "Perhaps this one can offer assistance to your cause, Pohatler-san." "Emperor Valon Hirohito!" "It is a great honor to speak with you both for the first time." "Der Honor ist all mein, Emperor. You say you can help us?" "We might indeed speak of such a possibility. Those of my kingdom, Drakengrad, are a proud and noble people. When we commit ourselves to a cause, we do not rest until all adversaries have been quashed. And we believe you to be in the right, Pohatler-san." "Das Words touch mein Heart, Emperor. We shall be glad to accept your Help. We will shortly send an Armament to the Mafiaboard. Perhaps you could deploy some of your Forces there?" "I will do so gladly." "General! Return to der Gamenboard to survey der Attack! I shall travel to der Mafiaboard myself!" "Right away, Pohatler. And, Emperor, many thanks." "Farewell. You shall soon hear from me again."
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Post by bulbaboy on Jun 26, 2008 13:23:15 GMT -5
RUMORS TRUE: WORST NIGHTMARES HAVE BECOME REALITY
While there have been speculations regarding the connection between Bulbs Hamuu and Buubs Hamun, this has been overshadowed by the resemblance of Buubs Hamun and feared leader of the Andalite Armada - WarPrince Bulbito Hamuussolini.
Fears were confirmed when TV sets everywhere were digitally hacked, momentarily, by the WarPrince himself. He reaveled himself as the feared leader and explained he did not want to reveal himself until his people were in agreement with him. Now with the full force of the technologically advanced Andalite Armada, Bulbito his ready to bring his full force down upon the Exodus.
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Post by ch00beh on Jun 29, 2008 1:08:43 GMT -5
THIS JUST IN
More [adjective] news comes as Archipelago Exodus finds the home of skin maker and global moderator ch00beh empty. Someone promising blitzkriegs and calling himself "ch00 ch00" popped up the next day.
Ch00 ch00 has stated that his illustrative abilities are lacking at the moment due to a nefarious enemy known to many as "dial up." It's rather unfortunate, he knows.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jun 29, 2008 21:49:49 GMT -5
SNIFLISH BASE OF OPERATIONS DISCOVERED MASTER MOD'S INNER SANCTUM LOCATED AT BOOKS AND WRITING BOARD ALLIES AND ENEMIES CONVERGE UPON CASTLE Critical news arrived today about the invasion of Archie Exie by Sniflish dictator Pohatler and his associates, Andalite War Prince Bulbito Hamuussolini and Draken Emperor Valon Hirohito. Pohatler's recent attack upon Books and Writing, the latest in a series of boards to suffer the wrath of the "Master Mod", has been proven as the location of his castle, Camel-ot, from which he has been deploying his seemingly endless troops. The castle was discovered when civilians, taking from the heart of Books and Writing into the woods when the Sniflish platoons marched in, came upon freshly-constructed pathways leading through the forest. When Archie Exie's troops were informed of this development, they quickly dispatched scouts who were able to confirm the source of the paths. Camel-ot is heavily guarded by Sniflish, Andalite and Draken soldiers, but Supreme Leader Stalinasian, who has been recently joined in the counterattack by fellow admin Lee Tupper and an unknown maverick calling himself the ch00 ch00 train, is confident that Archie Exie's army will be able to overcome them. Kazkame, Prime Minister of Paradyne and one of the earliest to take arms against Pohatler, is expected to lend his forces to the attack as well. The end of the war may be fast approaching. More details as they become known.
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Post by V101 on Jul 3, 2008 17:44:07 GMT -5
Yeah there's no fn way I'm reading all that, someone care to paraphrase?
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Jul 3, 2008 18:54:00 GMT -5
Basically Sniflehiem's stronghold has been discovered and now allied and enemy forces are converging on it. Sniflish forces are confident that Camel-ot will stand in the end.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jul 3, 2008 21:43:22 GMT -5
Cheers, BloodWolf7! I wasn’t expecting anyone to bother to answer V101’s question. Anyway! That’s put an end to that. But I guess it can’t hurt to make you read even more text. So here! Have some more.I should start by mentioning my inspiration. Toward the beginning of the year, Lee posted a topic about Flame Warriors, a site dedicated to categorizing the archetypes of Internet brawlers when they get to fighting. (Flame Warriors has been mentioned in this community before that, though… I can distinctly recall someone pegging Gary Oak as this one back on the Snitz.) The artist behind the site, Mike Reed, vanished a few years ago, but the messageboard struggles on in his absence, making for some very entertaining reads. For instance, this topic, from around this time three years ago, which chronicles a jest war much like this one – although decidedly more epic, since a lot more members got involved. Read it if you have the time. It’s three pages, but very much worth it. I knew we couldn’t reach anything like that degree of participation, but I still had it in mind that such an event could be really fun for the board. And so, on the evening of June 22, nearly two weeks ago, when I went to General with the intent to create some kind of topic so something could happen there… I thought, “Screw it. I’m starting a war.” And so it went. I also have a bunch of people I want to thank so let’s see. Obviously I’m very grateful to everyone who participated in the war. I mean actually participated – that is, made genuine contributions, instead of just denying what other people wrote (but hasn’t Elliot been getting enough flak lately? I’ll leave that alone). In particular, I thank Bulbs and DL for stringing along with me, even though it meant basically playing the bad guys this time. Loogs and Kazkame, on the other side of the fence, deserve applause as well for rising to defend Archie Exie with such enthusiasm. Kazkame’s idea of creating defensive strongholds in the Introduction and Art boards was especially marvelous, even though he was anticipating attacks that never came. That was exactly what I wanted to see: people taking the situation into their own hands instead of just reacting to what I posted. (And the propaganda circus that emerged in the Art board’s Defense Post made it my favorite topic of the war.) I should also thank the admins for patiently bearing through the invasion, despite the fact that I was making locked and stickied topics declaring boards my territory, posting huge rude comments in topics that had nothing to do with the war, and just basically making an ass of myself. Loogs, as stated, got into the spirit of the war perfectly, but Lee also started playing along toward the end and even Baboon was in on the joke, despite never publically commenting on it. Thank you guys for not whipping out the disciplinary instruments. And I should also thank RLRL for being the one to suggest the “Camelot” idea. He didn’t even include the hyphen, actually. I inserted it myself because I was too stupid to understand the pun at first. So thanks RLRL and sorry for dumbing down your joke. Apologies also to anyone who felt remotely offended by any of this. I can only hope it goes without saying that nothing but fun was meant. I suppose that’s all, except for one last thing. I have a suspicion that everyone on the forum will have already realized this, but I can’t resist drawing attention to it anyway on the off chance that some small animal halfway around the globe hasn’t worked it out. What am I talking about? Well, you must have figured out how that dread emblem upon Pohatler’s flag, the Snifstika, was designed?
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Post by ch00beh on Jul 4, 2008 23:12:10 GMT -5
I would've participated properly if I had better internet.
Sadness.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jul 4, 2008 23:15:28 GMT -5
Next time.
I am not suggesting that there will necessarily be a next time.
There probably won't be a next time.
If there is a next time I won't be responsible.
But next time.
And happy 3.5K.
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Post by bulbaboy on Jul 5, 2008 11:33:12 GMT -5
I moved to a new house and totally missed the finally.
But still guess it's time to change profile back to normal. lol
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Post by Beelzebibble on Jul 5, 2008 11:57:47 GMT -5
Yeah, we missed you. Oh well. Your presence was felt all the same.
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Post by Krazy Glue on Jul 5, 2008 12:23:19 GMT -5
It was pretty funny having to actually explain to you that I wasn't trying to take part in the war, just making a pun. I hope that at least one other person had a chuckle. I'd like to think I was a facilitator of strage happenings, when really I just sat around being mostly confused, which if I recall was part of my flame warrior "bong" hehehe
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Post by kazkame on Jul 6, 2008 11:00:38 GMT -5
Gosh I wish I could have added some pieces to it before it ended. Sigh dammmm you summer camp. But The Camel mod has given us a fun experience hopefully we get more people next time.
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