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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 29, 2012 8:57:06 GMT -5
Well, shit. That's not full blast. Could Micmac be about to lose the gold? Micmac's location: 94ft - Status: normal Because the Greyhound is haulin' hella madbutt. She just advanced 9ft. IT'S THE CLASH OF THE TITANS. Greyhound's location: 92ft - Status: normal While Lassie dawdles with a 5ft advance. Still solid, though -- if she went all out, she could make it a perfect photo finish. Lassie's location: 89ft - Status: normal The Husky moves 5ft as well, but that's not going to do her any favors at this point. Can she make it into the top three? Husky's location: 85ft - Status: normal And 5ft for the Mutt, too, in fact. Poor guy. Looks like it's back to the pound for him after this is over. Mutt's location: 81ft - Status: normal Okay, 6ft for the Whippet, that's good news. He's still headed for a bottom-three spot, though. Whippet's location: 73ft - Status: normal Dachshund I swear to god you could turn this around and not finish in the bottom three if you just. DO. A ROCKET JUMP. Dachshund's location: 71ft - Status: normal And, wow, this Doberman really has gone soft. Dude, it's a lost cause, you're not winning the race. Give it up and get biting!! Doberman's location: 64ft - Status: normal ROUND 22 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 2, 2012 9:27:37 GMT -5
Sorry for the delay, guys... ...especially because we have a winner! The Greyhound surges across the finish line with a 10ft advance, skirting past Micmac at the last possible instant. Looks like she keeps the title after all, though she certainly didn't have as easy a time on the track than she'd probably expected. Greyhound's location: 102ft - Status: FIRST PLACE And alas, Micmac loses by a just a hair! He advanced 7ft, putting him at the 101ft at the race's end. It's okay, Micmac. You still kicked ass at this race. Best dog ever. Micmac's location: 101ft - Status: SECOND PLACE No one else has finished the race yet, but the Husky is close. Third place would still be a high honor -- can she manage it in the next round? Husky's location: 91ft - Status: normal How about Lassie, and that perfect photo finish? Well... looks like nope. Not one but two players tossed bones to Lassie this round, keeping her more than occupied and... Lassie's location: 89ft - Status: chewing on two bones ...giving the Mutt a chance to catch up with a hefty 7ft advance. Can he still claw his way into the upper tiers? Mutt's location: 88ft - Status: normal Fuck these guys I'm not talking about them. Whippet's location: 74ft - Status: normal Dachshund's location: 74ft - Status: normal Okay FINALLY the Doberman heeded my advice and got back to chomping. Since the Greyhound and Micmac already passed the finish line, he can't bite either of them, so he bit the lead dog who's still racing: the Husky. Doberman's location: 67ft - Status: just bit the Husky Guys the race is won, but it's definitely not over. Most of you still have bones remaining, and the outcome of the challenge is still up in the air until the fifth dog has passed the finish line. Throw dem bones! And let's finish this up. ROUND 23 START ! ! !
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Post by Tout-Perd on Oct 2, 2012 12:54:00 GMT -5
HUSKY HUSKY HUSKY HUSKY!
tho' if we were to see a double rocket jump, that'd be cool, too
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 5, 2012 8:47:28 GMT -5
Another 7ft advance and the Mutt rockets to the head of the pack. What SHAME BONUS? Whoever heard of a SHAME BONUS? This dog is going all the way to third place!!Mutt's location: 95ft - Status: normal This bite from the Doberman couldn't have come at a worse time. Is the Husky about to lose the copper? Husky's location: 91ft - Status: nursing her bite wound And Lassie is beset by another horrible, dreadful, surprisingly tasty bone. She's not moving this round either... and with the end so close in sight for a dog of her speed. Lassie's location: 89ft - Status: chewing a bone Congratulations, Whippet, you're about to bust 80. You're almost abysmal! Yaaaayyyy Whippet's location: 78ft - Status: normal ALL RIGHT WHO DID IT WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT NNNNNNGYEHHHHHH THE THING! THE THING! SOMEONE THREW A BONE TO THE DACHSHUND!! HNNNNNNNNNRRGGGGGGRGGRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NINE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN YEARS DUNGEON Dachshund's location: 74ft - Status: chewing a bone Nope don't mind me I ain't bitin' nobody. Just moseyin' on over to the finish all casual-like. C'mon Doberman. Why do you even think I hired you. Doberman's location: 71ft - Status: normal ROUND 24 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 6, 2012 15:03:06 GMT -5
6ft. He's done it. He's past the finish line. The Mutt places third!! Oh my god he's totally gonna get adopted into a loving home. The five-year-olds in the audience are going crazy! THEY ARE GOING TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR THE RIGHT TO TAKE THIS DOG OUTSIDE WHEN HE HAS TO POOP. Congratulations, Mutt. I'm... I just gotta get something out of my eye. Mutt's location: 101ft - Status: THIRD PLACE Whoa. Pileup at the 98ft mark. It's a last-minute clash for fourth place! But... since Lassie advanced 9ft in this round, she's gonna squeeze in one more photo op on the next round. Jesus Christ, Lassie. I guess that means the Husky will take fourth, unless someone with a bone has something to say about this. So let's see how the losers are doing. Husky's location: 98ft - Status: normal Lassie's location: 98ft - Status: will pause for photo op on the next round Wait... Holy shit. The Dachshund -- HE DID IT HE'S AIRBORNE
LOOK AT HIM GO
GOD HELP ME, THAT DOG IS FLYING
MIRACLES DO HAPPEN
YES ACTUALLY CRYING NOW, NO USE HIDING IT
THIS IS THE BEST ROUND EVERDachshund's location: 86ft - Status: FINALLY DID A FUCKING ROCKET JUMP Oh, yeah, the Whippet's chewing a bone, nobody cares. Whippet's location: 78ft - Status: chewing a bone And the Doberman didn't bite anyone, so, also, nobody cares. DAT MUTT. DAT DACHSHUND. BEST ROUND EVER. Doberman's location: 76ft - Status: normal ROUND 25 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 7, 2012 10:58:39 GMT -5
With Lassie and the Husky both within inches of salvation, the race is surely about to be decided once and for all! Right?? Wrong. Totally wrong. The Husky got caught up at the last second with a delicious bone, and Lassie is wheeling out another magnificent pose called the Byzantine Biznasty. Truly, the glory of a thousand-year empire which once stretched from Armenia to the southern tip of Spain is richly encapsulated in this stupid pose that the Kardashian of dogs is striking just now. Husky's location: 98ft - Status: chewing a bone Lassie's location: 98ft - Status: doing the Byzantine Biznasty That's okay, Dachshund, you advanced 5ft, you're still doing well. Fuck, I just can't believe you actually did a ROCKET JUMP. You the man!!! Dachshund's location: 91ft - Status: who cares, he did a rocket jump Yeah seriously no one gives a shit. Whippet's location: 83ft - Status: normal One more bite for the road, huh? With an advance of only 3ft, one of the top two dogs is gettin' bit. And it's not the Husky, since she was the latest to fall victim to the Doberman, back in round 22. Lassie takes one right on the unnecessarily fluffy tail. Doberman's location: 79ft - Status: just bit Lassie ROUND 26 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 8, 2012 21:31:07 GMT -5
No movement from either of the leaders! The Husky is chewing yet another bone -- she's suddenly not a very popular dog -- and Lassie is nursing a bite wound from the previous round. Could these two dogs be soon overtaken? Husky's location: 98ft - Status: chewing a bone Lassie's location: 98ft - Status: nursing her bite wound The only dog for the job is the Dachshund, and all of a sudden it looks very possible. With a strong 5ft advance, the Dachshund no longer looks to be guaranteed a spot in the bottom three. If the ladies don't get their act together right quick, the Dachshund might just steal fifth or even fourth place! Dachshund's location: 96ft - Status: normal One last bone for the Whippet. Fucks: 0. Whippet's location: 83ft - Status: chewing a bone And a 3ft advance means the Doberman lashes out once more. Lassie received his ire last time, so this time the Husky takes the hit once again. Man, these two dogs are getting clobbered! The Greyhound, Micmac, and the Mutt were lucky to break free of the pack when they had the chance. The endgame's shaping up to be a bit more surprising than I'd thought... Doberman's location: 82ft - Status: just bit the Husky ROUND 27 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 9, 2012 14:54:53 GMT -5
Finally Lassie can move unencumbered: not busy striking a pose, not chewing a bone, not nursing a bite wound. At long last she trots across the finish line with a 5ft advance, far from flashy, but certainly practical. Has this arduous race, and her failure to show, taught her a lesson in humility? Even if not, you can rest assured she'll have a book deal and a lecture circuit in which she claims as much in exchange for mega mad hellabuxx. Lassie's location: 103ft - Status: FOURTH PLACE And, my God, the Dachshund did it! He snatched fifth place away from the Husky with a perfect 100ft finish. And that was after only doing one ROCKET JUMP in 27 rounds! (Lousy goddamn stupid statistical anomalies.) Well, Dachers, you might not have wowed the crowd very much with your supremely aerodynamic physique, but at least you didn't place in the last three and That's All That Matters. I mean, for us. For us Mole players. Like, that really is all that matters for us. We're done caring about you now. Bye!! Dachshund's location: 100ft - Status: FIFTH PLACE Poor Husky. She was doing so well, but these last rounds were exceptionally unkind to her. Caught up in nursing her bite wound, she was so distracted that the Dachshund snuck right by her. One last bone, as well, rests unnoticed at her feet: the final bone in the inventory of any of the four players, the final expression of agency in this challenge. Once she got that momentum going past the halfway mark, the Husky truly seemed unstoppable, but it looks like those little Alaskan orphans are doomed. A dog this easily deterred could never deliver the bubonic plague antidote in time, no matter how ragtag and misfit the team of sled dogs she were leading. Husky's location: 98ft - Status: nursing her bite wound Man, at the very last second, the Doberman decided to pull out all the stops. A robust 6ft advance edges him ahead of the Whippet. You know, he didn't make out all that shabbily, on the whole, given his obviously subpar speed. Maybe I've only been so nice to him for the most part because I had zero expectations, though. I probably could've stood to take a harsher tone with him. It's true. I am really just a big softie. Oh well. Doberman's location: 88ft - Status: normal Jesus you are such a little shit. Whippet's location: 86ft - Status: chewing a bone THE DOG RACE IS OVER ! ! ! ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 9, 2012 15:12:15 GMT -5
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 9, 2012 22:18:08 GMT -5
Let's review the payout, which I originally explained by PM. Each player bet on one dog to place high (third or above) and one dog to place low (sixth or below). The player staked a certain amount of EP, up to 25 EP, on that bet. If the player's favored dog actually did place high, the team would win that player's stake times the dog's victory multiplier (listed in this post). If the favored dog placed in the middle (fourth or fifth), the team would neither win nor lose anything. If the favored dog placed low, the team would lose that player's stake (just the stake, though -- no multiplier). If the player's unfavored dog actually did place low, the team would win a token 20% of that player's stake. If the unfavored dog placed in the middle, no effect. If the unfavored dog placed high, the team would lose that player's stake. All pretty mild-seeming stuff. The real devil in the details, of course, is that with four players making four predictions, but only three dogs placing high and three dogs placing low, not all four players' predictions could have possibly come true. Still theoretically manageable, though: if one player's favored and unfavored dogs both placed in the middle, then the team wouldn't lose anything on that player, so then if the other three players all got their predictions spot-on then you guys would be RAKING IN THE HELLAMADAWYEHCA$H. That, anyway, would be the outcome in the best timeline. But which timeline are we actually in? Keep the black construction paper and safety scissors on reserve, just in case, as we look at the bets. SEM The first of the players to cast a bet, Sem staked a full 25 EP on the Dachshund to place high and Lassie to place low. Result of high bet: Incorrect. The Dachshund finished in the middle, in fifth place. The team wins nothing, but also loses nothing. Result of low bet: Incorrect. Lassie finished in the middle, in fourth place. The team wins nothing, but also loses nothing. Oh, say, that's not too horrible! Yes, the team didn't win anything, but this is exactly the idea I was just describing above: if one player hit straight down the middle with their bets, picking the dogs in fourth and fifth place, then that should clear the way for the other three players to all be correct in their predictions. Let's see what happened. NINETY The second player to cast a bet, Ninety staked a full 25 EP on Micmac to place high and the Whippet to place low. Result of high bet: Correct. Micmac finished high, in second place. The team wins 25 EP x Micmac's 1.5x multiplier = 37.5 EP, which I'll kindly round up to 38. Result of low bet: Correct. The Whippet finished low, in eighth place. The team wins 20% of his stake: 5 EP. A cool 43 EP in hand. Good start. On we go, then. TESTBUG The third player to cast a bet, Testbug staked a full 25 EP on the Husky to place high and the Mutt to place low. Result of high bet: Critically incorrect. The Husky placed low, in sixth place. The team loses 25 EP. Result of low bet: Critically incorrect. The Mutt placed high, in third place. The team loses 25 EP. WELP. WELP. There go 50 EP out of the team pot, into the Mole's pocket. Damn. Seriously, Testbug, double damn. And so we come to the last player, who'll either mend our wounds or twist the knife in deeper, because she can only have been either correct or critically incorrect about both of her bets... BELLE The fourth player to cast a bet, Belle staked a reduced 20 EP on the Greyhound to place high and the Doberman to place low. Result of high bet: Correct. The Greyhound finished high, in first place. The team wins 20 EP x the Greyhound's 0.5x multiplier = 10 EP. Result of low bet: Correct. The Doberman finished low, in seventh place. The team wins 20% of her stake: 4 EP. Whew. Those extra 14 EP aren't a huge comfort, but at least they put the team back in black. The team gained 57 EP on this challenge, but lost 50 EP to the Mole, so actually... they only come out to 7 EP, and........ wow. This was a pretty embarrassing challenge. On the other hand, you guys have money to burn right now. There were 403 EP in the pot before this challenge began, which is already more EP than anyone could ever possibly spend on anything, ever, short of commissioning a separate forum skin dedicated to each of their individual hair follicles. And that is why, if I offer for you to drain the team pot even further, I hope you'll at least hear me out. I want to give you guys the chance to learn who threw each bone. But it'll cost you.Here's what I'm thinking. In exchange for taking just 5 EP out of the pot, I'll pick one random bone thrown by each of the four of you, and reveal it. I mean, what I'll say is: "Here, remember this round? Sem threw that bone. And here's a bone Ninety threw. This one was Testbug's. And this one was thrown by Belle." 5 EP and that information's yours. Let's make it a vote. Please post here in the topic and vote either to accept or reject this offer. Whichever option gets two votes first is the one I'll go with.
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Sem
Adventurer
<.<
Posts: 96
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Post by Sem on Oct 9, 2012 22:59:22 GMT -5
Accept!
And so, I guess it could've gone worse... This challenge also took like my entire life.
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Post by Ninety on Oct 9, 2012 23:13:16 GMT -5
Belle and I are going to the races together and we're going to make oodles of cash and then make love on top of it.
I accept the bone throwing offer thing.
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Post by Belle on Oct 10, 2012 3:04:19 GMT -5
Ninety you know I love it when we make love on top of piles of cash.
Also to help make it easy, I threw a bone to the Dachshund, Lassie, the Mutt (which I got glared at for hrrmph hrrmph), Lassie, and Lassie again. I don't remember which rounds specifically but I'll edit them in later because it is 4 in the morning and I want to sleeps.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 10, 2012 7:28:41 GMT -5
Very good, players. That's 5 EP deducted from the pot, though not added to the Mole's pocket. And the following information is yours: - Were you wondering who was the very first player to throw a bone to a dog? The Whippet, getting nailed in round 1 and having no chance to recover the lost ground? That was Ninety.
- It was Sem who conked the Greyhound with a bone in round 6, when she had just recovered from a bite wound, ensuring a two-round delay for that dog.
- I direct you next to round 11, the round where only a jaw-dropping animated warthog could express my feelings about the Greyhound's momentum bonus. Here, Testbug threw a bone to the Dachshund.
- Finally, fast-forward to round 14, aka "the laconic round", and we learn that it was Belle who tossed a bone to Lassie, again ensuring a two-round delay for her, since she had spent the prior round doing the Chartreuse Charro.
Interesting stuff! So...... would you like to learn more? For another 10 EP, I'll continue with some more info. Vote to accept or reject the offer now, please.
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Post by Belle on Oct 10, 2012 22:08:13 GMT -5
I have no desire to know the other bone-throwings really
soooooooo no?
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Post by Ninety on Oct 10, 2012 22:13:32 GMT -5
nein
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 10, 2012 22:42:31 GMT -5
Sheesh, you two are a couple of killjoys. I can't wait to see one of you get executed in this round. Unless you're definitely on the track of the real Mole? Because the only influence the Mole had over this challenge was by throwing bones. I would have guessed it'd be worth some imaginary fake hypothetical pixie money for you to learn this information. But if you think you can stop me from putting together another tl;dr wall of text just by rejecting my offer, then friends, you don't know Pohatu. So I'll revise my deal. You can get the whole lowdown on bones via PM. And I'll tell it to you fo' free. All you have to is PM me and accept.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 12, 2012 20:24:44 GMT -5
Very good, players. Let's finish up this episode soon, shall we?
THE TEAM POT: 405 EP THE MOLE'S POCKET: 437 EP
I'd like to start the third challenge as soon as possible, since it requires very little setup, but maybe it would be better to wait until we're on the other side of this weekend, since Q is getting married. Oh, did neither of us mention this? My sister, Qzumaki? She's getting married tomorrow.
Yeah let's start the next challenge on Monday.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 18, 2012 11:04:34 GMT -5
And so, players, it's time to leave the track behind. I don't know about you guys, but... man, there's something a little sad about saying goodbye to these dogs (except the Whippet). I feel like they kinda found a place in our hearts over the course of September (other than the Whippet), and I'm going to remember each and every one of them fondly. Except for the Whippet. But, onward, I say, for one final challenge in this episode. And a very topical challenge indeed, you'll find. A challenge heavily inspired by certain Important Processes that are currently underway in the old U. S. of A. A challenge with its very finger on the pulse of the burning questions and considerations faced by every American today, that pressing matter which consumes their attention the moment they switch on the radio. I'm talking about NPR's annual pledge drive. It's time for a little pledge drive here on Archie Exie. This mission is incredibly simple, which I know I always say, but come on I really mean it this time. All that the four of you have to do is persuade other forum members to post in this topic, pledging EP in your name. They'll do so by posting something like "I pledge 25 EP on behalf of Testbug". When someone pledges their EP, they're not actually transferring EP from themselves to you. They don't lose anything; their EP remains untouched. I want to be clear on that, but I also want to be clear that no one can pledge more EP than they actually have, which is something you can check in this topic. For example, I doubt V101 is going to be around in the next week or so, but if she were, she would be able to pledge up to 202 EP -- no more. "Ah good," you may be thinking, "it's a competition between the four of us to see who can raise the most EP. I am sure to win that, for I am The Most Popular one." Well, not quite. You see, this is still a team-oriented challenge. And that's why, extremely randomly, I have divided you into pairs: Sem & Testbug and Belle & Ninety To win the challenge, each pair has to raise 250 EP. Understand me exactly on that point. It isn't enough for the four of you, jointly, to raise 500 EP. I don't want to see Sem score most of the five hundred, and the rest of you just 21 EP each. I want to see each pair raise at least 250. If, within the pair, there's a certain imbalance between the two players, that's okay as long as they can still clear the 250 EP watermark. Does 250 EP each, a total of 500, sound steep? Actually, by my reckoning, there's well over 1000 EP that could potentially be raised, summing up the EP held by all the members who have been reasonably present on the board lately. It's just that that EP is fairly unevenly distributed, with a few members holding major hoards while most others hold less than 100, an observation which is not even a little bit allegorical. All the same, 250 from each pair should be well within your reach. So start asking! Wheedle! Bargain! Cajole! Seduce! Threaten! Extort! Bribe! Promise to post in the RP! It's up to the four of you to approach these members and ask them to pledge EP in your name. Remember that a member is supposed to pledge EP on behalf of one player, specifically, not on behalf of a pair or of the entire team. Let's give this about a week; I'll name a more specific end time later on. When the challenge is over, one of three things will happen: - If each pair raises 250 EP or more, then the challenge is a success. The team's earnings will be proportional to whichever pair raised the most EP. The team wins a flat payout of 50 EP, plus a bonus which is equivalent to the percent by which the winning pair surpassed 250 EP. That was confusing, so here's what I mean: if the winning pair raised 500 EP by themselves, then that would be 100% more than the watermark, meaning that the team would earn 100 EP, plus the flat 50 EP payout, so 150 altogether. ALSO! I promised that there was one more "joker" in this episode, and here it is: The single player who raised the most EP wins the very last "joker" in the game. If two or more players tie for the most EP, no "joker" is awarded.
- If both pairs fail to raise 250 EP, then the challenge is a wash. The team wins nothing, and no "joker" is awarded.
- If one pair raises at least 250 EP while the other one fails to, well, then we've got a dilemma. I will only be able to assume that this happened because one pair got REALLY GREEDY and hogged ALL THE EP and left none for the other pair. That just isn't right, at all. So, in addition to the team earning nothing, I will indeed give out the "joker" -- but I'll give it to the player who raised the least EP.
[/color] Purely to spite the greedy pair.[/li][/ul] So! Anything else you need to know? Well, you four players can't pledge EP yourselves, obviously. Also, I'm not going to pledge either, for obvious reasons. But I've got 238 EP over here and it seems such a shame to waste it. So I am going to transfer 50 EP each to Kara, Stel, Tangrow and SHADOWMASTER89. I hope this encourages them to participate in the challenge. Final note: Once I've logged a member's pledge, it can't be revoked... so think carefully before you commit your EP to someone. That's all!
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Post by Ninety on Oct 18, 2012 11:20:00 GMT -5
I will post in Big Country and Alighieri within one week (of the pledge) if Biscuit pledges all of his EP to Belle/Ninety '12.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 18, 2012 11:59:27 GMT -5
You mean to Belle.
Or to Ninety.
Read the rules again. I like your enthusiasm though.
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Post by Ninety on Oct 18, 2012 12:00:47 GMT -5
I meant either. He can split it between us or give it all to one of us and none to the other.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 18, 2012 12:01:19 GMT -5
Got it. Fair enough.
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Post by Tout-Perd on Oct 18, 2012 12:49:30 GMT -5
I pledge 72 EP to the Whippet.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Oct 18, 2012 13:09:26 GMT -5
PLEDGERLOG
PAIR ONE: SEM & TESTBUG Sem: 0 EP Testbug: 0 EP TOTAL: 0 EP
PAIR TWO: BELLE & NINETY Belle: 0 EP Ninety: 0 EP TOTAL: 0 EP
PAIR THREE: WHIPPET & THE FUCKS I DON'T GIVE Whippet: 72 EP (72 from Lee) The fucks I don't give: 0 EP TOTAL: 72 EP
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Post by Yoshimitsu on Oct 18, 2012 21:07:41 GMT -5
Pledging 51 to Sem
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