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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 17:12:21 GMT -5
Sitting cross-legged on a rooftop he grinned as he looked down at his toy. It was a black panel with red buttons arranged in a certain pattern. Coming from the panel was an antennae similar to what you'd see on an RC car's controller. "Today is a nice day," he thought. It really was. The sun was shining brightly, the weather wasn't too cloudy but the skies not so bare as to allow the harsh summer sun to bake everyone on the ground below. People were out enjoying a nice Saturday.
-Click!-
The sound of one of the buttons being pushed resulted in that piercing sound. It seemed to pierce through all the hustle of Whelkshore City. However, it's sound was nothing compared to the explosion that followed, ripping through an office building. People started screaming and rushing to get away. Sirens blared as emergency workers rushed to the scene.
-Click!-
The second explosion went off. This time a trash can in a park exploded outwards. Unlike the packed office building, there were relatively no casualties produced from this one. It soon became apparent that casualties weren't the objective.
-Click! Click! Click! Click! Click! Click!- He rushed his fingers across the remaining switches and started laughing as the explosions ripped through the city. Smoke rising into the sky and flames licking the heavens. It was beautiful to him. He tossed the panel to the ground and admired his work. Anyone looking down from above would think that they were seeing a sick joke. The pattern of the explosions created a burning smiley face in the city.
Casually, he strolled to the staircase that would lead him back down to the ground level. Being a rather tall man, he had to duck to get into the stairway and stoop as he walked down. He passed a few lights in the stairwell which threw his scarred face into startling relief. Scars were also seen across his well-defined muscles on his chest through his open vest. They all seemed to be from cuts. Moments later, he stepped out into the streets to enjoy the environment.
OOC: I might have a little bit of time, so I wanted to bring in someone new.
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 17:43:15 GMT -5
Lucas breathed deeply the smell of smoke and ashes, enjoying the atmosphere that had been created in Whelkshore. "This is a nice atmosphere," He said, looking at the unknown man walk out of the building he was leaning against, with the remote still in his hand. Clear gray eye's looked at the man, out of filthy apparel. Lucas was dressed in some fucked up stained, nasty, and torn jeans. A tank-top that had grease and oil all over it, and a green trench coat with a white furr lining, that hadn't been white for a very long time. Dark black hair framed a fair face, marred by a long scar that traveled from his forhead to his chin, slightly to the left of his nose.
As he turned towards the unknown pyromaniac, the hilt and blade of a long, thick, slightly curved green and black sword could be seen under his coat. It looked to be made of bone and horn, and pulsated with sickening life. Lucas smiled, "My name is Lucas, my hobby is blood. I love the way it moves and dances through the air as you slice someone up. My dream is to make an endless sea of it, a crimson lake of a delicious, nightmarish proportion."
Lucas bowed slightly, "And yourself?" He asked. "It seems we both have a fondness for chaos in one form or another, whatever is.... Interesting?" He said, grinning a little. "I think we could be adept partners, at least for a time." He opened his coat, taking out the odd living sword. It slowly absorbed into his arm until the long curved blade was part of his forearm, jutting out over a long fingered, bone armored, green demonic hand. "This is my partner, Orycalthesis." He said. An eye now embedded in his forearm swiveled around to look at the unknown man. "She says it's good to meet you, she likes the air around you." Lucas grin stretched wider, truly giving the impression of a state of insanity now. "Nice to meet you, whatever your choice!"
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 17:53:29 GMT -5
His eyes narrowed at the man. "You're going to ruin the atmosphere with all the talking. Can't you just take in the screams for a moment?" His voice was sharp yet gruff. He looked away towards the fires and closed his eyes taking in all the sounds.
After a few moments passed, he opened his eyes and looked at Lucas. "So you like blood, eh? What about your own?" As he said this, from a scabbard across his back he drew his blade. It was a large sword with a distinctly ragged appearance. The sword was nicked here and there and the blade itself seemed nearly serrated from the scars it received in the countless battles it had to have been in. "This isn't my partner or anything but he is my best friend. This is Magnum Killer and he'd like to see your insides. There is nothing to be gained from a partnership with you as it doesn't interest me. State a better case or I'll indulge my friend."
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 18:04:54 GMT -5
Lucas licked his lips, and maneuvered the blade of his sword to his oppose it, slicing a long line into his flesh. Slowly, he raised his arm, and licked the length of the wound, an expression of ecstasy crossing his face. "Love it." He said warmly, then lowered his arm. "But my case is this. Two people means more people will die, more blood with be spilled, and more screams will fill the air." He paused thoughtfully, "I do like taking my time after all. It'll create a better atmosphere, I think." He cackled, but it was cut off as a thought struck him.
"But you know, Whelkshore isn't the best place." He said, waving his free hand around. "To many damn wannabe heroes here, brimming with holy energy and other unpleasant things." He shook his head sadly, "I want a bigger playground." He was almost sulking as those words left his mouth. "Ah well, make do with what you can. Are you interested yet, or do you still want to hear me scream?" He asked, "Even if you 'win,' all you'll get out of it is a smile. Everyone else has great blood, but watching mine spatter and fly would be the best of all." He cackled, his pale face flushed, then suddenly he slammed his sword-arm against the building, the foundation cracking under the force.
The sword let out a high pitched scream, its eye whirling madly. Lucas' face calmed, and he looked at the sword scathingly. It seemed as though he was blaming it for something. He looked back up at the unknown man, and shook his head. "You've heard the reasons, simply pain, blood, and death. What is your reply?"
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 18:17:08 GMT -5
"Well that is a better case," he said sheathing Magnum Killer. Grinning slightly he figured that though a fight with this man would be fun, there was more fun to be had elsewhere. However one thing did displease him. "Actually, I chose Whelkshore because there were a lot of heroes about. I love a good fight but I rarely get one. All these people that died today were simply to get their attention. I'll play with you, but I have to stay in the city."
Thinking for a moment he added, "Unless you know a better place to find stronger opponents."
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 18:23:15 GMT -5
Lucas' eye's widened, and an insane grin slowly spread across his face. "Quantity or quality, quantity or quality..." He muttered, starting to pace, that same expression still on his face. He snapped his fingers, and turned to the scarred man again. "The South Pole Summoner base. I hear that their are many summoners there, practiced in magic and the ways of combat. But unlike Cherrygrove, they rarely stir themselves in times of trouble. They won't be as tempered, but I doubt a single person there will be 'normal,' it could end up being very challenging." Lucas said, the grin slipping off his face, and his eye's starting to narrow.
Slowly, the sword on his arm separated from him. He plucked it out of the air, and put it back on his belt under his coat. "So what do you say?" He asked, "Does it sound interesting to you?"
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 18:35:05 GMT -5
"Bah! Quality kills they might have but they're so far away. I'd get bored by the time we got there. It's much easier and much more interesting to draw the enemy to you. We can go there after I kill everyone here." The man looked irritated. Lucas had a good idea, but lost his interest after the distance was factored in.
The man turned and started to walk away, cargo pockets jingling as his pants moved with his walking. "Come find me when everything is set up or you can help if you want, just don't get in my way. I'm starting at the hospital since all the casualties will be taken there. There will be numerous easy kills which should entice the strongest fighters to come out and try to stop me."
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 19:18:38 GMT -5
"Well there isn't exactly much to set up," Lucas said, walking carefully beside the scarred man. "You've already done that very well Scar." He said, shrugging, and then he walked through a shadow that shouldn't have been there. He stopped, turned, and looked up at the top of the building Scar has been sitting on. "You said you wanted to fight a hero right?" He asked Scar, gesturing up at the young man.
Eragon stood on top of the building, looking down at the two men. His sky blue eye's matched the color of his short, spiked hair. He had a sword on his waist, its two and a half foot blade and unique crystal guard matching the color of his hair and eye's as well. He wore a full set of white, light leather armor, and a monster of a sword sat across his shoulders. A twenty foot long, five foot wide single edged monster reflected the light from the sun. It did this doubly well due to its gold color.
Eragon held it casually by its 4 foot handle, though it hadn't been so easy in the past. The sword has been left to him by an old, old friend. It worked well in tandem with his own, occasionally. But, overall, he considered it something with which to train in life. Not something to bring to death. "Is this your doing?" Eragon asked, calling down to the two men below him. "If it is, I very much doubt you'll regret the answer, so just be out with it." He said, scratching his chin.
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 19:29:24 GMT -5
His eyes widened manically as he saw the sword and he began laughing. "Compensating much?" he called out. "This is all my doing, so be a good boy and come down here to fight!" As he said this, he drew Magnum Killer. His eyes seemed to glow with power and excitement as he looked up at his new foe.
"Lucas, stay outta the way unless you wanna bleed some more." He didn't say that out of concern for Lucas but rather he wanted to make sure he was the only one to fight the newcomer.
This fight was going to be interesting. This man had to be strong to lift such a ridiculous blade, but how effective would it be to swing a car-sized blade around? He then realized it didn't matter to him; he was going to fight him regardless.
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 19:37:44 GMT -5
Lucas shrugged, and walked slowly to the other side of the street. "Watch yourself, I wouldn't want to lose my new playmate so soon." Lucas said sarcastically. Eragons palm hit his forehead, and he sighed deeply. "Very well." Eragon said sadly, and jumped off the building. He fell much, MUCH faster than anyone would usually expect, and he swung his massive blade at the scarred man. He wasn't sure whether it made contact when he hit the ground, but the sword did create a sizable crater. "This sword is made of neutronium, a super heavy material that makes the grave of a dead star. Are you alive down there?" Eragon asked, wondering if the man had tried to block the insanely heavy weapon.
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 19:47:35 GMT -5
"Is who alive down where?" he asked from directly behind Eragon. He may have barely evaded the attack, but he wouldn't allow his opponent to know that. "You look like you can barely manage that sword, kid."
Raising his sword haphazardly, he motioned for Eragon to come at him again. "I could have killed you right there, kid, but I won't do that until I either have my fun or until you prove to be useless. Let me tell you, it's looking to becoming the latter here."
He never understood hero types. They caused just as much damage if not more as the villains did when they tried to stop them. Somehow their actions were justified though; their morals and ethics made it okay to level city blocks so long as one evil doer was brought to justice. The hypocrisy sickened him to the core.
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 19:54:14 GMT -5
"Oh I see." Eragon said, looking at the scarred man behind him. Hatred flashes in his opponents eyes. Eragons face looked sullen, with a touch of boredom. "Always with the macho posturing." He said, shaking his head as he lifted the sword out of the ground. "That macho crap sickens me, sadly it even infests me," He said, sighing, "Also, there are no openings." Eragon said, twisting and flinging the giant blade at the scarred man.
In its place, Eragon drew the slim, blue, single edged sword from his waist. Moving at great speed now that the weight of the didn't burden him, Eragon flashed around and closed on the scarred man's back in a pincer maneuver. Either Eragon would get him, or the flung sword would.
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 20:00:33 GMT -5
He laughed and stabbed his sword into the ground as his opponent flung the giant blade at him and continued laughing as his foe raced behind him. His foe was charging at him with the smaller blade and he reached out and pulled his foe close, impaling himself on the blade but also keeping his foe next to him. He rapidly turned around forcing Eragon's back to the massive blade. He whispered into Eragon's ear "Tell me if it hurts."
To him any injury was worth a good fight. However, he felt even better when he was able to take someone who was overly confident and crush their dreams.
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 20:06:33 GMT -5
Eragon grinned, "No, you tell me." He said, and his blade exploded with ice energy at the same time that the massive sword cut deeply into the side of his chest, and his opponent. Eragon elbowed the man in the side of the head, and freed his sword. Sliding along the huge golden swords blade, he came off the blunt end, and grabbed the handle. He ripped it out of the scarred man's side.
Eragon scowled, twitched, and cursed as he touched his side gingerly. The wound, however, stopped bleeding, sealed itself, and then disappeared altogether. Eragon looked at his opponent again, "You picked the wrong person to try that on." He said, holding a sword in each hand. "You gonna live through that? Unless you have reverse physiology, I only cut through one of your lungs."
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 30, 2008 20:18:26 GMT -5
Blood coming out of his mouth due to his wounds, he was still laughing. "Is that the best you could do? I can't be killed by attacks without any guts!" He grabbed Magnum Killer and pulled it free. His eyes narrowed on Eragon and he disappeared, reappearing in front of Eragon with Magnum Killer thrusting forward are Eragon's face. In an instant, the man had more than tripled his speed. Even if Eragon managed to block or evade, a seemingly unending flurry of strikes, slashes, and thrusts were coming at him.
He always wanted a good fight, but he often had to restrain himself to make it fair on his opponents. This guy wasn't getting any more mercy from this point on.
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Post by Tout-Perd on Aug 30, 2008 20:50:23 GMT -5
"You know, it only took me a minute to find out where the blasts had been triggered from." A lean, athletic girl stated calmly, seemingly have appeared out of thin air. "Sly's monitors certainly covered that. But with Sly and Zebedee out of town, and Ender gone, I had to run here." She sighed, reaching behind her as if to scratch her back. The next instant, she was at Lucas's throat, an oddly segmented blade held up to his throat, her t-shirt and ponytail fluttering in a manner that seemed almost to go against the breeze.
"ON! FOOT!" She spat, clutching the handle of her blade so tightly her knuckles turned white. "I'm taking that excercise out of your hide."
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 22:43:28 GMT -5
Lucas looked calmly at the blade, un-phased. "You're blocking my view." He said calmly. The woman didn't flinch, and Lucas sighed deeply, the blade biting slightly into his throat. "Justice is such an odd thing, if it looks evil, kill it. Yet, you don't even know if I've done anything. And I haven't, in fact. But, since you give me the opportunity..." He trailed off, and suddenly a green and violet demon with swords for arms stood in front of the young lady. It had two, huge swords growing out of its forearms, handles gripped in bone armored hands.
Its entire body was covered in green bone armor, and violet scales where the armor couldn't overlap. Lucas face with covered with a bone mask, with eye slits covered in amethyst to defend his eyes. "Orycalthasis Armor, of the sword demon." Lucas said, and he erupted into a torrent of motion, his blades attempting to bite into the young ladies flesh. "You'll pay for interrupting my fun!" Lucas yelled crazily through the mask, "You'll be my fun now!"
Ten feet away, there was a crash as the scarred mans attack slammed into Eragon's neutronium sword. He didn't need to be fast to block that frontal attack, only twist his body slightly to intercept it. As the scarred man's attack erupted in a fury onto Eragon's neutronium sword, Eragon allowed it to be shoved deep into the ground, until suddenly he twist his blade and cut upwards directly between the scarred mans legs. Regardless of a hit, the blade launcher into the air, and Eragon intercepted it swiftly, hurling it back to earth, hopefully upon his opponent.
His shorter sword began to glow sky blue, no more than the force of a flashlight, but still very noticeable. He prepared himself for the scarred man's counter attack, the various powers in his sword rapidly switching with each other, seeking a power to cope with the situation, as freezing him obviously didn't work.
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Post by Tout-Perd on Aug 30, 2008 23:05:07 GMT -5
"You see, that's what YOU don't get." The girl spat back. "I, for one, don't give a flying **** if you didn't do anything yet." She sneered slightly. "You were just standing by while those two went at it, and judging by the look in your eyes, getting some kind of sick thrill out of it. That's my reason for wanting to cut you up."
"That, and you smell bad." She remarked, getting shoved back as Lucas grew into his new form, her blade against him the whole time, and sneakers set to the pavement. She glared at him, withdrawing her blade and leaping back. The first slash was a diagonal, one that could bisect her torso. She ducked it, the wind of the passing blade flattening her hair and pulling her sideways. The next strike was a downwards blow, meant to hit her on the top of the head. Jerking to the left, she rolled out of the way as the blade cut into the pavement. Instinctively wanting to jump atop the weapon and leap at the monster's face, she realized the trap and fell flat, letting his other blade his the back of the first in a shower of sparks.
He might look brutish, but... She rolled to her feet, bringing her arms up and blocking a knee-blow that sent her flying back almost twenty feet. He was cunning in the ways of battle, moreso than most that she had fought.
"Pretty good... Almost decent. But you won't actually kill me, if that's what you're thinking. I, Sylvia Ulima, would never lose such a fight!" She disappeared, reappearing first to the psychotic beast's left, then to his right, and then behind him. Three slashes occured almost simultaneously, with Natalie appearing in the air above him as her attacks came in. She tried to kick off of his head to launch herself away from him, but if that didn't work, she had a contingency.
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Post by hermes on Aug 30, 2008 23:28:54 GMT -5
Lucas basically ignored the attacks coming in on him from three sides at once, you needed a focused attack to get through his demonic armor. The girl coming in from the top however, presented an opportunity. He took a leaning step back, causing the hapless woman to land in front of him, and bear-hugged her with his two sword arms. "It's not my fault I smell bad, Orycalthasis likes the smell of curruption." He said through the mask, then bent back on his spine, intending to slam the girls head and body into the concrete. "Me?! I don't care if you die! I just want blood!" He yelled, "The other guy likes the screaming atmosphere!"
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Post by Tout-Perd on Aug 30, 2008 23:45:48 GMT -5
OOC: Horrible auto, Prime. -_-; But I can work with it. (Sorry about sounding so snide. Was typing up a quick response. But yeah... Grappling Natalie... BIC: Natalie let herself be caught in the attack, attempting to stab him with her blade sliding off of his armor futilely. As he bent back, she disappeared once more, reappearing standing on the ground he had attempted to slam her into. She instantly charged, thrusting with her blade as powerfully as she could muster. "I'll just have to avoid bleeding then. God forbid I provide enjoyance for you." Natalie hissed, jumping backwards after her attack.
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Post by hermes on Aug 31, 2008 0:18:54 GMT -5
OOC - I knew you'd avoid it somehow anyways, god forbid our characters get injured. Lol.
BIC - Lucas kicked the blade aside with his armored leg, and slashed at the woman as she jumped back, narrowly missing her. Lucas was getting bored now, as a general rule, if it didn't bleed he wasn't interested in it. He rolled his eye's behind his mask, and decided to use 'it.' He desperately wanted her to bleed after all, nothing in the world matched the way blood flowed.
From his standing position five feet away, Lucas cut at her, and a small green blade of light cut at her as well. Lucas repeated the motion with the other arm, then again, then alternating. "Bleed, Bleed, Bleed!" Lucas chanted, the green blades of light darting everywhere now. "Bleed!" He yelled. They were only light attacks, but all he wanted from her was blood anyways. Death wasn't as fun, the blood stopped flowing in death. Lucas laughed insanely, and charged forwards on light feet, darting back and for in an irregular line, closing the distance before attacking in a whirl of bone blades again.
As he attack, small holes opened in his armor and sword, leaving a trail of very light leeches floating in the air. If they came in contact with the girl, they would cut her and suck at the open wound, spitting an anti-clotting agent into the open would so she'd bleed out. Lucas grinned, hoping the leeches would latch on to the harvest.
BIC - Also, Lucas didn't get any taller of anything when the armor went on. He's just wearing armor now. No big issue really, aim for the joints btw. I don't mind if the scales get cut off.
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Post by Tout-Perd on Aug 31, 2008 1:24:32 GMT -5
OOC: Heh, yeah, Natalie's very difficult, bordering on impossible to get in a grapple due to her powers. BIC: Natalie quickly sidestepped the slash, twisting her torso to avoid its counterpart. The first few slashes following the attack, she dodged, but when he began berserkly swinging, she disappeared once more. Flickering back into existence about ten feet back, she found herself in the path of the charge. She raised her blade, the blow of the first strike sending bits of metal flying as it struck, and the second meeting similar results.
"See? No blood." Natalie smirked, only to feel something warm run down her face. "Oh..." Natalie jumped back, touching the wound, and then immediately jerking the leech from her forehead and crushing it into a bloody mess in the palm of her hand. "Bastard." She growled, flickering again. About thirty leeches were detached as she vanished, reappearing a good step away from where she had stood before. She made five slashes, cutting the leeches that had been on her into bloody scraps.
"Come on, stop the parlor tricks. I want a decent fight here." Natalie growled, ignoring the dozens of small cuts on her body.
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Post by hermes on Aug 31, 2008 2:00:58 GMT -5
Lucas cackled, his eyes whirling insanely behind his bone mask. He watched the think blood run down her figure, and licked his lips. "So good! So gooooood!" Lucas growled through the mask, his body quivering with excitement. "More!" He cried, charging forwards again. Inside his armor, he wasn't as fast as the young lady, but he was a tank and he knew it. Especially in close range, where the weight of the armor didn't detract from his sword swings. "Come to me!" He cried, dashing forwards insanely.
A long, bladed tail suddenly sprouted from his spine, its long armored length ending in an ax-like blade. He twisted as he closed in on the young woman, his swords and ax bladed tail working in smooth concert with each other, the tail coming down in a powerful stroke whenever she looked a little sluggish. Lucas was drooling freely now, he saliva dripping through the tiny cracks in his bone mask and collecting on the armors chin, before slowly dripping to the ground. "Bloooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!" Lucas cried in ecstasy.
OOC - Its not that he won't give all he has, I'm just not sure of my current limits in the regard, and also I haven't decided the full extend of the demon swords power.
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 31, 2008 3:17:54 GMT -5
He reached down and grabbed on to the blade and rode it up into the air on a handstand. He flipped down and when Eragon threw the blade, he exploded his power out. The power was crushing. The air seemed to get so thick you couldn't breathe and debris was flying away. The massive blade flew at him and he just laughed as it slowed in mid-air and then stopped and fell to the ground with a massive crash. Looking at it he felt that it was so big it only hindered his opponent.
"Let me take care of this piece of shit for you since it's only hindering you," he called as he grabbed the handle. He raised it up, spun once, and hurled it to the east which is where the hospital he had initially wanted to attack was located.
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Post by hermes on Aug 31, 2008 4:00:18 GMT -5
"If you don't want me to hold back, fine." Eragon said, watching the blade whirling towards the far off hospital. "But don't involve anyone else in the fight." A burst of energy, and Eragon was suddenly gone. However, a man with good eye's could see the giant sword in his hands over a mile off. He dropped it, and a large could of dust and dirt erupting into the sky announced its landing. Eragon reappeared in front of the scarred man, streak lines showing through his body for a moment.
"I may cause property damage, yes. But I value life over money." He said, his slim sky blue sword in his left hand. As his opponent watched, jets of black and white streaked across the swords sky blue color, and it grew somewhat wider and thicker, though it remained single bladed. Eragon raised the sword, pointing it as his opponent. "Negative Wind Serpents." He said simply, and four twisting black wind serpents burst from the blade, twisting around each other as they shot towards the scarred man with incredible force.
The piercing attack slammed through the building behind the man, regardless of whether they pierced him or not, and suddenly Eragon was on the other side of the building, absorbing the attacks with his sword. He eye's narrowed, "Aether Battleground, the Great Wall." He said, looking through the building windows at the scarred man as her casually swung his sword. A great tornado spun front his sword, whirling madly around the two fighters, then Nat and Lucas as well.
In the end, they all stood in the eye of a tornado eighty feet wide, stretching up into infinity. Lightning cracked randomly to the tornado's opposite walls. Dirt, dust, and broken up concrete moved with the wind, creating a deadly wall of sand and wind that could strip and man to the bones in second. "You will cause no more loss of life, lest it be my own." Eragon said, then appeared behind the man with a brutal cross slashing carrying the force of a fully loaded train.
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Post by Kuroboom on Aug 31, 2008 4:29:15 GMT -5
"I didn't involve anyone I didn't have an intention to kill to begin with. And in any case, those people won't thank you for destroying their homes. They might be alive, but they're all so worthless that they won't appreciate the fact. Seeing as how that is so, why not kill them and end their misery?"
He turned and let the snake attack whiz by him. He sighed loudly as the tornado formed; he was getting bored. When Eragon appeared slashing at him, he bellowed, "IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO ATTACK!" He raised his blade and released his crushing power to assist him in stopping the Eragon's sword. The sparks flew as the sound of metal on metal pierced into the howling arena. He had stopped the attack but another nick was added in to Magnum Killer's blade. With his free hand, he let a carefully aimed punch fly at his opponent's nose. Laughing regardless of whether it hit or not, he said, "You waste too much energy on flashy tricks and not enough on power. That attack was decent enough, but not good enough to do a damn thing. Keep trying, kid, this is almost interesting."
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