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Post by The Evil Biscuit on Sept 17, 2012 17:48:09 GMT -5
I see your ban on EP gambling, and after careful consideration of the issue, I have prepared a response -
65 EP on the Tri box.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 17, 2012 18:10:28 GMT -5
Look, I don't make the rules! I just lord my superiority over the common rabble, and sometimes alter people's profiles for lulz!
I really don't think you want to have 0 EP during the third challenge. I don't think anyone on the board does.
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Post by The Evil Biscuit on Sept 17, 2012 18:34:48 GMT -5
Oh FINE have it your way.
But if I hit that trifecta, somebody's gonna be wearing a tutu on Youtube.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 17, 2012 22:47:18 GMT -5
+8 advance? Best damn dog ever. Micmac's location: 41ft - Status: normal Well, all right, maybe the Mutt is serious about underachieving. He just rolled another 3, putting him within one more shitty roll of a SHAME BONUS. Let's see what happens. Mutt's location: 37ft - Status: gathering SHAME BONUS (must roll lower than 4 on one more round) The Greyhound only advanced 5ft, which at least puts her back in the top three, but you have to wonder if she's getting miffed about being shown up by a common mongrel and the dog equivalent of a tank. Is it time for her to reclaim the track? Greyhound's location: 36ft - Status: normal This one's called the Fandango Fanfare. "Shut the fuck up, the theme's playing!!"Lassie's location: 35ft - Status: doing the Fandango Fanfare DACHSHUND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME. THIS IS, I SWEAR TO GOD, THE FOURTH ROUND IN A ROW THAT YOU HAVE ADVANCED FIVE FEET. I THINK WE WOULD ALL LIKE TO SEE YOU ROLL A 6 AND DO THE GOD DAMNED ROCKET JUMP. IF THERE IS A PLANET ON WHICH THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK, I SURE AM GLAD NOT TO LIVE THERE. HERE ON EARTH, DOGS DO WHATEVER THEIR OWNERS WANT THEM TO DO AND I AM TELLING YOU THAT IF YOU DO NOT DO A ROCKET JUMP NEXT ROUND I AM GOING TO SELL YOU FOR SCRAP AND THEY'LL PROBABLY TURN YOU INTO HOT DOGS DO YOU HEAR MEDachshund's location: 34ft - Status: you MAGGOT Husky, I don't even... I'm all out of rage, okay? I used it all up on the Dachshund just there. But please know that I'm disappointed in your slow progress. Okay? Go to your room. Husky's location: 32ft - Status: normal The Whippet rolled a 5, too. Oh, look at me, I'm another small dog, I also roll 5s to piss Pohatu off, mnyeaghhh! All right, my heart wasn't really in that one. Whippet's location: 31ft - Status: normal Finally the Doberman rolls a 1, which means someone's gonna Git Bit pretty soon. Ordinarily he would go after the front dog, namely Micmac. However, Micmac is actually the one whom the Doberman last bit, a few rounds ago. And, as I said, he doesn't bite the same dog twice in a row, as a matter of personal conviction. So, the Mutt bears the brunt of the assault instead. Doberman's location: 23ft - Status: just bit the Mutt ROUND 10 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 18, 2012 13:27:56 GMT -5
+7 advance? Still in the lead? Best damn dog ever. Micmac's location: 48ft - Status: normal And, thank God, the Greyhound is really back in the action with a mighty 9ft stride. See, this is what it looks like when you actually apply yourself, Greyhound. You should do it more often. Greyhound's location: 45ft - Status: normal Et tu, Lassie?? An 8ft roll, the best advance you can make without losing a round to a photo op? Man, some of these dogs just are not fucking around this time. Lassie's location: 43ft - Status: normal But you, Dachshund. I can tell you are fucking with me. Because even though you're now in a healthy fourth place, you KEEP ROLLING FIVES. This is another 5ft advance and guys, I would not make this up. I am not tampering with the results. The Dachshund just wants to break my heart. That's fine. I accept that. I can move past it. Let's forget the ROCKET JUMP even exists. What ROCKET JUMP?? There, ha ha, see? Great. Dachshund's location: 39ft - Status: i give up The Mutt's nursing his bite wound, but this didn't interrupt the buildup of his SHAME BONUS. Since he didn't technically roll this round at all, it didn't affect him one way or the other. Chewing on bones doesn't cut off the buildup either. Mutt's location: 37ft - Status: nursing his bite wound; gathering SHAME BONUS (must roll lower than 4 on one more round) Wow, the underachieving twins. 1ft for the Husky, 2ft for the Whippet. Biscuit, what was that bet you had in mind, again...? Husky's location: 33ft - Status: lame-o Whippet's location: 33ft - Status: lamebag And a 5ft advance for the Doberman. Good stuff, uncharacteristically. Though at this point it's pretty much gonna be impossible for him to close the twenty-foot divide between himself and the front of the pack, I suppose it's possible he'll overtake the Husky or the Whippet, way they're doing lately. Couple of no-account layabouts. Doberman's location: 28ft - Status: normal ROUND 11 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 19, 2012 13:44:53 GMT -5
Um, the Greyhound just advanced 11ft. And gained momentum again. I didn't think this was likely to happen. So her roll is now 1d12. And I... I've created a monster. Greyhound's location: 56ft - Status: At least Micmac is still in the running. He's the only other dog to pass the halfway mark this round. Let's see if he can do as well in the second half. Micmac's location: 54ft - Status: normal 4ft for Lassie this time. The cameramen are not impressed. Still, she'd held onto her third-place position. Lassie's location: 47ft - Status: normal And then the Mutt totally blew his SHAME BONUS buildup by rolling a 5. You could at least have gotten a 7 or 8! Oh well, at least he's still doing well. Mutt's location: 42ft - Status: normal Whoa! Okay, Husky, okay, I can't complain. The Husky, like the Greyhound, managed to hit maximum speed on this round and advanced 8ft. That she's still only in fifth place is a testament to how much steam she lost in the last couple of rounds, but this could be the beginning of her comeback. She's almost to the halfway point, after all. Husky's location: 41ft - Status: normal The Dachshund is chewing a bone, because someone hates miracles. Dachshund's location: 39ft - Status: chewing a bone Hey, one more maximum roll! The Doberman gets a clean 6ft in, which puts him in Not Last Place for the first time in a solid ten rounds. This race really could go to the Doberman after all!!!! Well, probably not, but at least he's too happy about this development to bite anyone. Doberman's location: 34ft - Status: normal But he only passed the Whippet up because the Whippet is also chewing a bone, for the third time, and this is because someone hates the Whippet. Whippet's location: 33ft - Status: chewing a bone ROUND 12 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 20, 2012 12:16:58 GMT -5
A perfect 8ft advance? Daaaaamn, Micmac. But where's the Greyhound? Shouldn't she be surging ahead by now? Micmac's location: 62ft - Status: normal And whoa whoa whoa 11ft for Lassie! Well, she'll give the cameramen another flashy pose next time, then. But seriously where's the Greyhound? Lassie's location: 58ft - Status: will pause for photo op on the next round Oh, I see. Chewing a bone. Someone clearly feels threatened by her mighty speed. I'm not surprised. Greyhound's location: 56ft - Status: chewing a bone Just 3ft for the Mutt. The beginning of another streak? Let's see. Mutt's location: 45ft - Status: gathering SHAME BONUS (must roll lower than 4 on two more rounds consecutively) The Dachshund managed 4ft. And, you know, somehow I'm actually relieved. I'm glad it wasn't 5ft. Looks like the Dachshund is content now to sink into mediocrity without mocking me about it.Dachshund's location: 43ft - Status: normal All right all right, the Whippet definitely picked up his act with an 8ft advance. The Husky's stalled chewing on a bone, so they're neck-and-neck again for the second time in three rounds. You know, I feel like if they fell in doggie love and had kids, there'd be a great portmanteau name for the new breed, but I can't put my finger on what it'd be. Would they be called "Huppets"? Yeah, "Huppets". That sounds right. Husky's location: 41ft - Status: chewing a bone Whippet's location: 41ft - Status: normal Grrrr snarl snarl the Doberman hates fun. Doberman's location: 36ft - Status: just bit Micmac ROUND 13 START ! ! !
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Post by Tout-Perd on Sept 20, 2012 15:53:59 GMT -5
Personally, I favor the name "Husketier", but I think you need some Terrier in that to justify it.
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Post by Ninety on Sept 20, 2012 17:33:08 GMT -5
I would have said Huskets.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 20, 2012 20:16:25 GMT -5
Micmac stalls due to his bite wound, but for some reason he holds the lead. Where is that Greyhound, anyhow? Micmac's location: 62ft - Status: nursing his bite wound Well, she only advanced 3ft this time. Okay. That's good. Maybe I can believe that she isn't ludicrously overpowered. Maybe. Greyhound's location: 59ft - Status: normal Totally busy doing the Chartreuse Charro. ¡Andale! ¡Andale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! Giddy-up there, mang! Lassie's location: 58ft - Status: doing the Chartreuse Charro 4ft for the Mutt. Ho-hum, no SHAME BONUS this time. Mutt's location: 49ft - Status: normal Tight competition here for the fourth spot, with the Husky only a foot behind the Mutt, and the Dachshund just one foot further. The Husky pulls out another mighty 7ft advance. She's so close to the halfway mark -- that's when she's bound to make her move. Husky's location: 48ft - Status: normal Okay now the Dachshund seems intent on moving in 4ft increments. Which, although less akin to hammering nails through my soul, certainly isn't as good of a business model as his earlier 5ft fixation. Look, I'm not gonna whine, I'm just saying that if someone happened to do a ROCKET JUMP just now, that sure would be pretty cool. Dachshund's location: 47ft - Status: normal You know, I remember the Whippet used to clean house in the playtesting stages. That's why I nerfed him from his original "1d10 first half, 1d8 second half" to "1d10 first half, 1d6 second half". But as Cr1t1kal would say, he really is spankin' ass cheeks in this challenge. Must be because someone HATES HIS GUTS. I guess we'll find out later! Whippet's location: 45ft - Status: normal Only 2ft. Technically Micmac is still in the lead, but since Micmac's the last dog the Doberman bit, this time he goes after the Greyhound instead. Doberman's location: 38ft - Status: just bit the Greyhound ROUND 14 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 22, 2012 11:03:58 GMT -5
Sorry for the break, guys. I am hellasick all of a sudden. I'm going to make this quick. Here's this one. Micmac's location: 70ft - Status: normal Here's this other one. Greyhound's location: 59ft - Status: nursing her bite wound She's over here chewing a bone. Lassie's location: 58ft - Status: chewing a bone Here he is. Mutt's location: 54ft - Status: normal These two are over here. Dachshund's location: 52ft - Status: normal Whippet's location: 52ft - Status: lost speed after passing the halfway mark Here she is. Husky's location: 49ft - Status: normal And here's this guy. Doberman's location: 39ft - Status: just bit Micmac ROUND 15 START ! ! !
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Sept 22, 2012 16:18:26 GMT -5
Micmac shows off his training as the best damn dog ever, by leaving the Greyhound in the dust(+8)
More like blood really, as the Greyhound is stuck nursing a nasty bite to her leg as a parting gift from an angry Doberman.(+0)
Meanwhile Lassie takes a brief celebrity break to chew on one helluva tasty bone like there's no tomorrow! (+0)
The Mutt continues to show that the positions are as locked up front as the swiss bank with an advance of five feet. So... so no shame there, right Muttley...? AmIRight...? I think so.
The Dachsund takes advantage of Photu's sickness and mocks him with yet another lack of rocket jumping (+5) The Whippet, probably feeling unloved due to it's ratface( or because we all secretly hate the Whippet), slows down to trot next to the Dachsund. (+7)
Husky she may be, but that's no use for only moving one foot forward! Come on, you wanna make the team next year, right? Push forward damit!
The Doberman is looking just as flabby as the Husky though, must be all the legs he's been chomping on! Come, concentrate, run AND chew for Pete's sake! (+1)
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 22, 2012 16:57:25 GMT -5
What a natural flair for commentating. You should probably wrestle Post Race V back out of Lee's clammy hands and finish it, so that Kuroboom can sleep easy again.
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Sept 22, 2012 19:29:22 GMT -5
I have no idea how serious you are about the first part. But I am already planning to take it back. I seem to have SOME time now, if mostly on the weekends. My work schedule's not as hectic as it was with it's 40+ hrs and I'm only taking two classes.
Kuro, sleep easy knowing I shall be working on fixing this atrocity soon.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 23, 2012 10:59:27 GMT -5
Still sick. Let's do this. Why is Micmac still in the lead, considering he's only moved once every other round since round 12? Must be the best damn dog ever. Micmac's location: 70ft - Status: nursing his bite wound Or the others are just slacking. Which Lassie is. She only advanced 3ft. Lassie's location: 61ft - Status: normal And the Greyhound is chewing another bone. Greyhound's location: 59ft - Status: chewing a bone I'm too insensate to complain, but Dachshund, this could be your moment. You could catapult into the upper echelons of the pack. You just need to do a ROCKET JUMP. Sometime. Before the race ends. Please? Dachshund's location: 56ft - Status: normal The Mutt barely moves, allowing the Husky to catch up. Now that the Husky's past the halfway mark, she's likely about to make her comeback. Mutt's location: 55ft - Status: gathering SHAME BONUS (must roll lower than 4 on two more rounds consecutively) Husky's location: 55ft - Status: gained speed after passing the halfway mark Wow, the Whippet sucks now. Whippet's location: 54ft - Status: normal And 5ft for the Doberman, so he didn't bite anyone. Doberman's location: 44ft - Status: normal ROUND 16 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 24, 2012 18:38:28 GMT -5
He's back into the swing of things -- the bite wound he has nursed; Micmac advances just enough to weather on in first. Micmac's location: 75ft - Status: (One wonders at this juncture how his ticker hasn't burst.) A meager move of just four feet won't win the race for Lassie, And yet there rings throughout the crowd her anthem bold and brassy. Lassie's location: 65ft - Status: (Or maybe that's the dog herself. She's looking kinda gassy.) The Mutt is back with vengeance and a mighty roll of seven; You'd know it if you saw his face: that all dogs go to heaven. Mutt's location: 62ft - Status: (And not a trace of SHAME denies his soul the chance to leaven.) But not a move from Greyhound; she's been ousted off her throne! I might divulge the cause, but at this point it should be known. Greyhound's location: 59ft - Status: (Though here's a hint: It starts with taking breath and ends with "BOOOOONE".) And here's a sight I never would have guessed we'd get to see: The fifty-seventh marker hosts not one, not two, but three! A measly roll of 1 is all we get from the Dacks-hoont; The Husky's clearly in no rush to get back to the froont; And, wow, this Whippet runs about as well as Nemo drowns. I don't expect a doggie treat in store for these three clowns. Dachshund's location: 57ft - Status: (I guess the ROCKET JUMP was always just a fantasy,Husky's location: 57ft - Status: And when you hire a sled-dog all you get's a lousy groont.Whippet's location: 57ft - Status: These dogs inspire naught in me but disapproving frowns.) And 1ft for the Doberman -- to hope for more is folly. Looks like he's gonna use somebody's hipbone for a lolly. Doberman's location: 45ft - Status: (Since Micmac was his latest treat, this time he bit the collie.)ROUND 17 START ! ! !
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Sept 24, 2012 22:54:11 GMT -5
I'm just going to come out and say it, though you've probably already guessed, I actually like this part of the Mole.
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Post by Ninety on Sept 24, 2012 22:56:43 GMT -5
blood's the mole i am angsty youth!
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 25, 2012 19:11:22 GMT -5
You know, Micmac never performed this well in playtesting, but that was without any bones. His immunity to their chalky temptations has made him a pretty formidable contestant. On the other hand, he's become the Doberman's absolute favorite snack. And indeed he's gonna get bit on the next round. Micmac's location: 79ft - Status: normal The Mutt keeps up his good performance with a 6ft advance. Is there enough time in the race to pick up another SHAME BONUS? Or would gathering the requisite shame put him too far behind to be a good tradeoff? We'll see. Mutt's location: 68ft - Status: normal Oh, finally the players allow the Greyhound to move. Look, she's still in third place, guys, cool your jets. Still a good advance, though: 7ft. The Husky does even better, though, with a formidable 9ft move, bringing the ladies simultaneously to the 2/3 mark. Greyhound's location: 66ft - Status: normal Husky's location: 66ft - Status: normal PROTIP: When I said the Doberman bit "the collie" last round, I meant Lassie. Not Micmac. Micmac is not a collie. Just thought we should clear that up. Okay, let's go on. Lassie's location: 65ft - Status: nursing her bite wound Don't look at me like that, Whippet. I got no time for you. Whippet's location: 60ft - Status: normal Nor you, pansy. Sheesh. This Dachshund is the most disappointing sausage-shaped thing since Choobs' dick. Dachshund's location: 58ft - Status: awsnap Yeah, I said this was gonna happen. Doberman's location: 48ft - Status: just bit Micmac ROUND 18 START ! ! !
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 26, 2012 12:57:14 GMT -5
No movement. Still in the lead. He's a beast. Micmac's location: 79ft - Status: nursing his bite wound Lassie makes up for lost time and springs into second place, but with such a strong 11ft advance that she's sure to give the cameras another snazzy pose next time. Lassie's location: 76ft - Status: will pause for photo op on the next round A simultaneous 7ft advance from both the Greyhound and Husky keeps these two dogs neck-and-neck going into the next round. Greyhound's location: 73ft - Status: normal Husky's location: 73ft - Status: normal The Mutt's close behind, but definitely seems to be losing steam with only 4ft to show for this round. Still, he could potentially push back into the top three, depending on how the bones fly and the chomps land. Mutt's location: 72ft - Status: normal 2ft? Get outta here. Whippet's location: 62ft - Status: normal Also 2ft? Seriously, get out the way. Some of these dogs actually want to win. Dachshund's location: 60ft - Status: normal And 2ft. Doberman's hit the halfway mark. Looks like he's a shoe-in for victory!!!!!! Seriously he's biting someone, but since he got Micmac last time and Lassie is stalling next round anyway, he turned to one of the two who are competing for third place. By a coin flip, the Doberman attacks the Greyhound. Doberman's location: 50ft - Status: just bit the Greyhound ROUND 19 START ! ! !
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Post by The Evil Biscuit on Sept 26, 2012 15:20:38 GMT -5
I BELIEVE IN YOU WHIPPET
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 27, 2012 16:57:58 GMT -5
Remember when Micmac wasn't in the lead? Neither do I. Micmac's location: 84ft - Status: normal The Husky's close to overtaking him, though. She's dangerously close to hitting the 4/5 mark. Husky's location: 77ft - Status: normal The Mutt has caught up to Lassie and managed to sneak into the background of some of her photographs. All this publicity is sure to land him a great owner!!!!! Lassie isn't paying attention, for she is far too busy with her latest display, the Mahogany Maharajah. This pose is worth TWENTY. MILLION. RUPEEEEEEESLassie's location: 76ft - Status: doing the Mahogany Maharajah Mutt's location: 76ft - Status: normal Greyhound I know you are suffering but deal with it the race is passing you by!! Greyhound's location: 73ft - Status: nursing her bite wound Oh, look, the Whippet finally passed the 2/3 mark. Way to gooo Whippet's location: 66ft - Status: normal And the Dachshund still blows, and I hate him, and it's been nineteen rounds and he has not rolled a 6 once. What black, black magic is this?? Dachshund's location: 63ft - Status: normal The Doberman feels nice today. He has advanced 5ft. That's nice. Doberman's location: 55ft - Status: normal ROUND 20 START ! ! !
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Post by {WW}BetaBloodWolf7 on Sept 28, 2012 3:01:44 GMT -5
I just realized the failure of the Dachshund is probably me fault. I wanted him to win, to show what weenies are made of. And the one time a 6 would have been ok was this time. THIS time. Naturally the only acceptable time for a six, there is no six.
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 28, 2012 18:02:04 GMT -5
A perfect 8ft advance for Micmac. Insane. If he can pull off another full blast next round, he'll be at 100. Micmac's location: 92ft - Status: normal Not to be outdone, Lassie surges forward with an 8ft advance as well. Depending on how Micmac does -- and how the Doberman's bites land -- she might still have a shot at first place. Lassie's location: 84ft - Status: normal And the Greyhound is well and truly back in it, with a mighty 10ft advance, making up for her unsteady progress in the last handful of rounds. Will she take back the crown? Greyhound's location: 83ft - Status: normal Only 3ft for the Husky, unfortunately, which knocks her down from her favorable second-place positioning. She's not likely to best Micmac at this point, but she could still finish in the top three if she buckles down at this point. Husky's location: 80ft - Status: normal The Mutt is chewing a bone, and I'm glaring really hard at the player who threw it. Mutt's location: 76ft - Status: chewing a bone But such is the gap separating the mid-tier from low-tier dogs that the Mutt didn't fall into the bottom three. Because the Dachshund still sucks. He advanced 5ft, once more brushing within a foot of sheer glory. Because, sure, why not, now at the eleventh hour, why not start cracking my heart open again. Dachshund's location: 68ft - Status: normal Yes the Whippet also sucks big time. Whippet's location: 67ft - Status: normal And... but 4ft, Doberman? You didn't bite anyone last round and you're not going to bite anyone now? It's crunch time, Doberman. Literally. Get with the toothmarks! Doberman's location: 59ft - Status: normal ROUND 21 START ! ! !
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Post by Ninety on Sept 28, 2012 19:37:17 GMT -5
If Micmac reaches 100 is that race over or will the other dogs keep going until all cross the finish line?
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Post by Beelzebibble on Sept 28, 2012 19:57:00 GMT -5
We need to know which are the last three dogs as well as the first three. So we'll keep the race going until five of the eight dogs have crossed the finish line, since at that point it'll be enough to say "these are the last three dogs" and it makes no difference to us who comes in sixth, who in seventh and who in eighth. I'm not gonna make you guys sit through another month of watching the Doberman crawl pitifully toward the finish line, all alone on the track, without even the comfort of any other dogs around whom he can bite to express his frustration with the cosmos.
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